Four Pillars of a Goal You Will Hold On to for Life

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

It was that period of my university journey. That part where everything is just pure chaos. That part where there were 5 assignments due and the grades will be determining whether there is a First-class degree.

I’m sure every university student can relate to this. The late-night research, the phone calls to that top student in the class, and the fear of having a high plagiarism rate. Top that with having to deal with a 60-year-old lecturer who takes 2 weeks to reply to my emails. That was my situation.

But beneath all of these, I still wanted to get my First Class degree. It would really mean a lot to me if I did.

It was unfortunate that this was around March and April in the UK, so everybody was fighting for toilet papers and pasta. With the pandemic just broke out, the university and lecturers were overwhelmed by how fast it all came. We (the students) didn’t have enough information to work on and they (the lecturers) weren't really answering emails. So it was up to us to venture into the wild place called the Internet or find the answers ourselves.

And so I did. Kind of. I annoyed the sh*t out of my lecturers and tutors to squeeze the last bit of information from them. It didn’t really matter that they hated me because, in my mind, the only thing that mattered was my First Class degree.

I dropped everything that I was doing. My trading career, entertainment, hanging out with friends, and solely focused on crossing one item off my checklist at a time. Thus far, my marks were at the borderline between a Second Upper and a First Class degree, so I had to really put in the time and effort if I wanted to secure this title.

Pretty soon, I found myself halfway through my list and en route to completing it. I wasn’t afraid to ask for help. I wasn’t afraid of how hard I had to work, or even the minuscule “chores” that I had to do.

I had one thing in mind and nothing could get in my way. To be honest, yeah, I hated it and I wished I didn’t have to do these stupid assignments. My flatmates and the people living downstairs could hear their neighbour screaming “F*ck!” a number of times throughout each day. It was painful and agonizing. I couldn’t wait to finally get these assignments over with.

A few weeks after, results were slowly getting released, and each time I receive an email from my lecturer, my heart would start to beat like a drum and I could feel its thump through my entire body.

The moment was brief. It came and went in just a few minutes. To my surprise, I actually doubted that I got that First Class degree when I received the news. I even double-checked it over and over again just to make sure it wasn’t just in my mind. Sure enough, I let out another ‘F*ck!’ for my neighbours, but this time, with a happy tone, as I knew I’d made it to the other side.

Just recently, I started thinking: I have read so many self-help books, so many articles, and so many TED Talks about how to set goals, yet there were still times that I didn’t follow through. But this time I did, so what made it different from those that I didn’t?

I looked back, and these are the four items that anchored this goal of mine.

#1. Emotional Connection

Most of the goal-setting theories failed to account for the reason behind your goals. The “why” you want to achieve something. They are merely a comprehensive checklist that allows for easy measurement. However, they did not take into account the innate emotional connection to your innermost desires.

This is possibly why I have abandoned so many of my goals. Although I wanted them and it will be a great skill to add to my arsenal, it didn’t really mean that much to me whether I achieved it or not. Ergo, leaving me like a lost puppy chasing its own tail, not making any progress, lacking the motivation to press on, and eventually losing interest and bailing.

Intrinsically motivated goals are different. They help you set and achieve objectives that actually matter to you. If you can’t answer the question as to why your goals matter, then how will your efforts matter? Tie your goals to your core value.

Truthfully, I am not a smart person, but I didn’t really know that back then.

In my first “big exam”, the one that is going to determine my secondary school, I did alright, pretty average. On the second “big exam,” I did extraordinarily great that it actually surprised everybody. Because of that, I thought I was a smart person and didn't need to put in the work as others did.

My friends were spending their nights studying while I spent it gaming. So, to nobody’s surprise, I did terribly. I was overconfident. Even on the day of the results, I thought I’d be one of the top students to go on stage to receive that certificate. But I waited and there was no echo of my name. I was ashamed and embarrassed. It felt terrible.

So this time, it was a chance at redemption for me. A chance not to f*ck up and prove that I can actually do it. It was the last stretch of my university years. I had to give it all I’ve got. I knew that if I did not give it everything that I’ve got, I will feel sorry for myself for the rest of my life. And I would most likely hate myself while at it.

#2. Empowerment

Personal empowerment can mean differently for different people. But it pivots on two factors: believing in yourself and following through. Empowering is about letting our goals inspire us and make us feel that what we want is just within reach.

It is similar to a “pull goal” rather than a “push goal”. In other words, instead of you saying “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t have what it takes,” you change that into “I don’t know but I’ll learn” or “I know I can do this.”

Before hitting the ground on my goal, I really didn’t know if I could do it. As a matter of fact, I was actually scared. But the dream that I actually did gave me the strength to push on. I envisioned the emotions coursing through my veins as I receive the news. Knowing that all the sacrifices that I am about to make will eventually be worth it. Though the task was super tough, it is not impossible. And I wanted it badly.

Understand how reaching your goals will make you feel, and then proceed to the actionable steps to make it happen.

#3. Actionable

Imagine yourself being in the middle of the jungle where you need to get to the top of the mountain to get a signal for your phone. But to get there, there are just so many obstacles to face. Wild/poisonous animals, dense forest, and the long climb upwards. I mean, that’s just downright intimidating. How are we going to get there?

Well, use checkpoints. Checkpoints that are simple to judge and achieve. Don’t forget that every step towards your goal is a step closer to your destination. No matter how big or small that step is, it counts. Just keep moving forward.

Breaking my goal into smaller chunks helped take the guessing and the mess out of my work. Every morning when I wake up, I had a clear picture of what to do that day. And that saved me the mental capital to focus on my work instead of sorting out my mess.

Not only that, but it also reduced my fear and anxiety. I know that if I finish the tasks according to my plan; I am safe from the deadline. If I hadn’t planned it out, my mind would be distracted by whether I still have time to finish the other assignments. And that is an unnecessary distraction.

It is normal that on your climb; you get tired. So might want to take a rest. But don’t give up just yet because the rewards of your goal are there to magnetize you on that final sprint.

#4. Rewards

Before embarking on that endeavour, identify what’s in it for you. Not your friends, not your partner, not your family, but you. Though not an absolute, if your goals don’t reward you, what is the point of doing it then?

For me, I actually stood to gain a certain amount of money. If I got that First Class degree, I didn’t need to pay back my student loan. And it was quite a huge sum of money. On the other hand, being able to prove to myself that I can do it despite the chaos was something that I really needed. I needed to know that that spirit inside of me still hadn’t died.

Knowing what you stand to gain also means knowing what you stand to lose. You’ll see what you’re missing out on if you decide to stop climbing that mountain.

There were rough patches along the way, but nothing could stop me. I cannot fail. I simply didn’t like the idea of getting a certificate that did not represent my best efforts. It just wasn’t an option for me. I was walking on a tightrope and there were no safety nets. And the only way past is going all the way.

Final thoughts:

If you’re hitting all of these criteria, it means that you deeply care about your goal. Having your thoughts, emotions, and actions working together is a force to be reckoned with. It will even turn that checklist into a way of life.

1. Think about why it matters. In both the short run and the long run.
2. Think about how you would feel when you achieve them.
3. Think about what is waiting for you at the peak of your mountain.
4. Then build those checkpoints and take them one step at a time.

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

So 2021 goals or not, spend some time digging deep into yourself. Ask yourself what would you do for that life you always dreamed of?

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