3 Steps to Start Loving Yourself Again.
Overcoming your insecurities to find self-love and acceptance.
Insecurities. We all have them, but we don’t want to talk about them. It makes us uncomfortable. We begin to feel insecure in our bodies and minds at a very young age, and these insecurities are carried with us into our adulthood.
My earliest memory of comparing myself to others is when I was in third grade. This is when I began to become aware of the physical attractiveness of others. I remember the process of noticing other girls’ thinness, length of hair, freckles, thigh size, and skin. When I would see a feature that I found beautiful on someone else, I would then look at myself and pick myself apart. I would dwell on every single one of my imperfections to the point of tears. This began as a child. It is heartbreaking to know that I allowed comparison to steal my joy as a child. It is even more heartbreaking to know that I have carried these insecurities into my adulthood — just as many others have. I am not alone.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” -Theodore Roosevelt
We have a tendency to fall into a dangerous pattern of obsessing over the flaws we perceive in ourselves. This can manifest in various ways. If we do not feel confident in who we are, we want to hide. We don’t want to take up space.
We create identities about ourselves that are based on misconceptions. Most of the time, these insecurities we find in ourselves are invisible to others. It does not matter what others tell us because our perception of ourselves is our reality. This is why so many people have difficulty accepting compliments.
When I was in high school, I remember feeling uncomfortable in my body. I would look at myself in the mirror and feel anger towards my body. It didn’t matter that I was healthy, strong, and athletic. I was losing the game of comparison. I was causing myself unnecessary anguish. When I look back, I am so proud of how I carried myself and how my body supported my athletic achievements. So why was it so difficult for me to see my body for the amazing thing that it was? As humans, we are constantly striving to fit the unrealistic expectations that we put on ourselves — no matter how impossible they are.
The Start to Accepting Yourself Again
The concept of accepting and loving ourselves is so simple that it feels complicated. The journey towards self-love feels inconceivable at times, but it leads to a life that is empowering. If you can acknowledge that the insecurities you fight only exist in your mind, then you can experience a breakthrough. Release the burden of the factors you cannot control. Recognize that you can forgive yourself for the unkindness and distrust you placed upon yourself. It is time to unlearn the bad habit of how we used to see ourselves.
3 Ways to Start Accepting Yourself Again
1. Acknowledge Your Inner Voice
Our insecurities stem from the menacing voice in our minds. It is so quick to stop by and remind us of our perceived shortcomings. It is mean, it is vile, and it needs to be muzzled. It is important to come to terms with how mean and untrue these comments are.
To support you in confronting this nasty inner dialogue, you need to start by writing down the cruel thoughts that linger in your mind. When writing them down, write them in the 2nd person, so you can begin to separate yourself from the criticisms. Here is what 2nd person criticisms look like:
- “You are stupid”
- “You are fat”
- “You are not worthy of love.”
Writing down these horrible critiques seems counterintuitive, but the practice of verbalizing these negative thoughts forces you to face your exposed soul. You would never place these horrible criticisms onto others, so why is it such an effortless act to say this to yourself? Instead of believing these comments, you should consider how your previous experiences and internal comparisons shaped these thoughts about yourself. Be brave and face yourself. Be the David to the Goliath of your internal monologue that wants to strike you down.
2. Make the Choice to Take Control of the Way You See Yourself
Your mind is a powerful tool that can control you — or you can take control of it. To win your internal thoughts over, it is best to use logic to convince your subconscious to get on board with your new self-love behavior. The current irrationality of your insecurities is to compare you to the trends of beauty and intelligence. The fact of the matter is that society evolves and their expectations of what is “trendy” change every year. Logically, why would we pursue to look and act according to the new craze that emerges year after year? Once again, this is leading to unnecessary suffering. Unless you have a dispensable income and limitless time to change your body and aesthetics, you are working towards a disguised finish line. You will not find peace or happiness in this race.
When you are mindful of the negative thoughts that appear in your mind, you can use your common sense to challenge the origination of cynicism. Confront these perceptions and question why you originally believed this to be true. It will usually lead you back to a previous comparison or unrealistic expectation adopted to make you feel bad about yourself. Do not spiral into despair over your own disapprovals. Bring reason and control back to your thinking.
3. Begin Practicing Positive Self-Affirmations
Now that you have confronted your inner voice and regained control of your mind, it is time to start rewiring your brain to believe wonderful, empowering thoughts about yourself. When you lived your entire life belittling yourself, it can feel impossible to change your subconscious.
Life is too short to not love yourself. The art of loving yourself comes with practice. Repeating honest reminders of who you truly are can help you feel good. The best way to start believing kind comments is to form the habit of verbalizing positive self-affirmations.
A positive affirmation is a positive statement that affirms who you are. The practice of stating positive affirmations out loud is how you declare your worth and value to yourself. When you speak to yourself through positive affirmations, you are asserting your self-empowerment. Although it may feel foreign at first, the more you repeat the optimistic affirmations, the more successful they will be at laying to rest the negative inner monologue that used to bring you self-doubt and insecurities.
Here is a guide to positive self-affirmations.
Overcoming Insecurities
The truth is that you have made a dire mistake by doubting yourself and your potential. Even though it is not your fault, no one can fix this mistake for you. It will require you to realize that you are allowed to love yourself, and that can be scary. If you have lived your entire life drowning in the lie that you are not good enough, starting the swim towards self-acceptance takes work. It is time to forgive and trust yourself to finally feel acceptance about who you are.