Summary

The article outlines a three-step approach to managing toxic relationships by recognizing them, addressing the issues, and ultimately ending such relationships to preserve personal well-being.

Abstract

The article titled "The 3 Steps to Manage Toxic Relationships" emphasizes the importance of healthy relationships for human well-being and the detrimental effects of toxic relationships on personal growth and happiness. It defines toxic relationships as those that are unsupportive, stressful, and drain life energy, often characterized by a lack of reciprocity and emotional support. The author suggests a three-step process to deal with toxic relationships: first, by identifying signs of toxicity, such as feeling bad about oneself or dreading communication; second, by engaging with the toxic individual through direct communication about the negative impact of the relationship; and third, by ending the relationship, akin to excising a cancer, to protect one's right to happiness and open up opportunities for healthier relationships.

Opinions

Toxic relationships are described as having a profoundly negative impact on an individual's mental and emotional state, stifling personal growth and potential.
The article suggests that toxicity in relationships is a fundamental character flaw in the other person, not merely a communication issue.
It is implied that attempting to repair a toxic relationship is often futile, like trying to smooth out a crumpled piece of paper.
The author advocates for clear and direct communication when confronting a toxic relationship, using specific examples of how the relationship is harmful.
There is an emphasis on the right to pursue happiness and the importance of not remaining in a toxic relationship due to the shortness of life.
The article encourages readers to be open to new, non-toxic relationships and to accept that people, including oneself, can change for the better.

The 3 Steps to Manage Toxic Relationships

Choose Happyness

“No man is an island, entire of itself” — John Donne (1572–1631)

Human beings are social creatures. We thrive on being with fellow human beings. Some also find non-humans better emotional support companions. A cruel and usual punishment is solitary confinement or being “sent to coventry”, an idiom which means to deliberately ostracise someone by physical isolation, forbidding communication, and treating him/her as though he/she does not exist.

Social relationship is a core basic existential need. They enhance our life, impact our mental and physical health, cultivate marriages, inject hope, joy and happiness into otherwise meaningless existence. That is, good, as opposed to toxic, relationships contribute positively to all our areas of work, life and play.

Toxic relationships drain your life energy by being unsupportive, stifling, threatening, unrewarding, unreliable, demanding and extremely stressful. The impact of toxic relationships is the absence of personal growth and development by sapping personal energy, esteem, confidence and obstructing the realisation of limitless potential.

[1] KNOW IT — ARE YOU IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?

The following questions can help you recognise people who are infecting toxicity in your social relationship, friendship, marriage, workplace and anywhere:

· They make you feel bad about yourself.

· They make you feel unbeautiful physically.

· There is no reciprocity of affection and emotional support.

· You dread answering their telephone calls.

· They seldom/never call you.

· When they do call, they always want something.

· You are reluctant to reply their emails.

· They have nothing positive or constructive to say about whatever you do.

· They promote victimhood and self-doubt in you.

· They encourage you to blame yourself for everything wrong.

· They take you and your things for granted, often without permission.

· They like to talk more about themselves.

· They always boast about being much better than you.

· As In-laws, they behave more like Out-laws.

· You are always paying for their meals and shopping.

· They are always unavailable when you need them.

· They make you feel trapped and dependant on them.

· They tend to be critical of you and your ideas.

· They are often abusive, sometimes even physically violent.

· They drain you financially, mentally, emotionally and spatially.

· You do not enjoy their company or conversations.

[2] ENGAGE IT — WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Once you recognise that you are trapped in a toxic relationship, the next step is to confront it by engaging it.

A toxic relationship is not merely the result of a communication defect or miscommunication. It is a fundamental flaw in the personal DNA character of the other person. Communication therapy like marriage counselling or friendship counselling or couple therapy may help to a very limited extent. A social relationship eco-system is like a sheet of paper — once it becomes crumpled by toxicity, no matter how much you try to un-crumple or flatten it to its original state, it would always remain un-smooth and creased.

You should communicate your feelings using specific examples of how the relationship has caused you stress, anxiety, unhappiness and much sadness, even bouts of depression. Meet face-to-face and state clearly that “our relationship is toxic and does not make me a better person. I would not be investing any more of my time in you in the future. I will not keep in touch”.

[3] END IT — KILL THE RELATIONSHIP

Like with a cancer, you will need to excise and terminate the toxic relationship.

Breaking up any relationship is challenging and painful, especially when you have invested much time, emotions, resources and even shared intimate moments. The other person can be just a friend, a work partner, a lover, a spouse or just an acquaintance. It is painful especially for those who are authentic, sincere and love building harmonious relationships.

Know that you have a natural right to happiness. Life is too short to remain trapped and wallowed in a toxic relationship. That’s why it is important to know many friends and build multiple as well as long-term relationships. Just remember that people can and do change. Selfishness, jealousy, greed and ingratitude are human instincts which promote the cancer of toxicity in relationships.

Change is often constructive. Just move on. Never look back. There are many non-toxic relationships waiting for you. You need to let go of this life with a toxic relationship, reach out and grasp so as to begin the many healthy and life-giving non-toxic relationships awaiting you.