The 3 Most Annoying Ways to Wake Up

Smoke alarm low battery doesn’t even make the list

This morning, my cat woke me. Her not-inconsiderable weight, times the impressive acceleration of her leap, produced a force focused into four little kitty pile drivers.

Cats jump onto soft surfaces — like my chest. I jack-knifed upright, spilling the cat, who scrambled frantically to perch with her claws!

That combination makes Cat Jumping on Chest the #1 most annoying way to wake up.

#2 is when your spouse, who got up early for an international teleconference, thinks he turned off the alarm when he left the bedroom, but actually hit snooze.

#3 is when a hotel smoke alarm goes off. Specifically, when alarms in a newly built resort hotel with incorrectly wired alarms, go off every 20 minutes in my building, while another building is on fire.