Queer Moms Love Movies
The 29 Cult Classic Gambling Quotes I Better Hear From You At The Poker Table
Even if you never put all that glimmer in play
“If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.” — Mike McDermott from the movie Rounders (Miramax), who the novelization reveals did NOT go on to win the WSOP (but did contract cancer wtf?)
The WSOP is in full swing, which means chips are flying, credit cards are swiping, and mortgages are getting refinanced.
Some people come to just play, but the real players come to win.
The only way to know which one you are is whether you recognize these cult classic quotes.
Note: I’ll tell you at the end which one Matt Damon is.
What are we playing?
To start us off, here’s Mike McDermott from Rounders to explain how this works.
How To Win
When you sit down at the poker table
Your job is to say the following quotes.
They did their job for the movie Rounders. Let them do their job for you.
Poker, after all, is a game of psychological warfare. And there’s no better weapon for psychological warfare than quotes said by the man who made us all think a commercial for ****ing cryptocurrency was a trailer for his next epic sci-fi movie.
Goddamn, Matt Damon. Crypto?!
And I thought I was a degenerate!
The 29 Gambling Quotes I Better Hear From You At The Poker Table
Maybe if someone had pushed Matty D around with these quotes, he’d have second guessed pushing all in on…well, that.
I’m not even mad that it’s about crypto. But come on, dude. That was a great ad until.
Heads up with Matt Damon
Imagine you’re sitting across from Matt Damon.
The two of you are in the toughest hand of your lives for the biggest pot either of you have ever seen.
Here are the 29 quotes from Rounders that will guarantee you kick Will Hunting right in the apples.
- I hope you’re not thinking of putting all that “glimmer” in play.
- You are sitting the apple, eh?
- You can’t lose what you don’t put in the middle…but you can’t win much, either.
- It’s immoral to let a sucker keep their money.
- Just like a young man coming in for a quickie. I feel so unsatisfied.
- We can’t run from who we are. Our destiny chooses us.
- All your dreams… dashed. Hopes down the drain. And your fate is sitting right beside you.
- I’m gonna call you, or else I won’t respect myself tomorrow morning.
- Are you satisfied now, Teddy? Because I can keep busting you up all night if you like.
- Jacks are a monster compared to the crap you’ve played.
- That’s a position raise, I call.
- We know what we’re holding and we know what you’re holding.
- Who wants more? I’m in, I’m staging a late night comeback, a “late night rally,” just to warn you.
- I’m back where I started: “three stacks of high society.”
- Doyle Brunson says, “The key to no limit is to put a man to a decision for all his chips.”
- You were hiding from your troubles then and you’re hiding from your troubles now.
- I know all the reasons I shouldn’t be here, but sometimes reasons don’t matter.
- Generally the rule is: the nicer the guy, the poorer the card player.
- I can chew you up and take your whole bankroll.
- At least you’re “rounding” again right? You’re gonna thank me for that some day.
- Come on, grade schoolers can play better than that.
- Nope you didn’t do it this time, I’m going to raise you.
- I have what’s known as “the wheel,” it’s got earthy tones, the smooth draw to win me the high and low.
- You sure you want to do that? You might want to leave a little something extra for your daughter’s riding lessons.
- Look, I bluffed “the big ringer.”
- Why don’t you become a jockey? Do something useful.
- You’ll be just like one of those ex-college athletes. You know, have a great job at the D.A. ‘s office as long as they never miss a lawyer’s league game.
- I knew there was a reason why you were lead counsel, and it’s got nothing to do with your punctuality.
- You look like Duane Bobick after one round with Norton.
If Matt Damon still has any money left
Just remind him of how well he played when the creators of Rounders (and now Billions) sent him on a promotional poker tour…and he came heads up against Doyle Brunson himself.
.jpg){kind=link}