The 25 Traits of a Great Personality

And 25 books that you can learn from to develop these traits

Napoleon Hill talks about the 25 traits of a pleasing personality in his book Your Right to be Rich. I believe it is a great blueprint for what traits to develop so you can ‘win friends and influence people’.

Positive mental attitude

People with a positive mental attitude approach things in a positive manner. When people come to you with problems, be like Jocko Willink and say “Good”. It’s an opportunity to be and do better.

I’ll speak only about my experience with positivity and negativity — when you have positive people around you, thinking positive thoughts, having a positive attitude, it’s hard for people to be negative. When you have negative people around you, gossiping and spreading rumours, talking bad things behind coworkers' and boss’ backs, it’s easy for everyone to be negative.

Book: The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale (how and why you need to develop a positive thinking mindset)

Flexibility

I don’t think Napoleon was talking about physical flexibility although I think that’s important too. He was talking about flexibility in approaching different situations. If you encounter a flat tire, do you immediately give up and call roadside assistance or do you look at the tire, try to figure out ways to patch it, see if you can replace the tire with a spare and do everything you can to still drive your car?

Book: A Whack on the Side of the Head by Roger von Oech (a book about how to be more creative)

A pleasing tone of voice

This trait surprised me when I first read it, but thinking about it more, it makes a lot of sense. If you’re in a meeting with someone who has a whiney or irritating voice, it doesn’t matter what they say, you just want to get out of the meeting so you don’t have to listen to the voice any further. You might think your tone of voice is something you can’t change, but with a few simple tricks, you can: drinking warm water, practicing breathing from your stomach, practicing singing, and more.

Book: The Little Yellow Book of Yes! Attitude by Jeffrey Gitomer (not really about your tone of voice, but more about getting into the mindset and developing an infectious enthusiasm for life)

Tolerance

Pain tolerance. Tolerance for annoying people in your life. Tolerance for your boss’s angry tirades and rants. Developing a high tolerance for these things is, I think, critical for having a sane life. Think about the flip side if you have a low tolerance for these things: you give up at the first feeling of pain, you get angry or flippant when your boss mistreats you. Unfortunately, you have to endure pain sometimes.

Book: Discipline is Freedom by Jocko Willink (a book about developing the discipline to do hard things so that you make the hard choices).

Sense of humour

At every organisation I have worked for, people have come up to me to tell me how much they have enjoyed my sense of humour. One of my favourite things to do is to introduce humour into meetings that may normally be serious. It gets people relaxed. It helps bring more engagement into activities. People also tend to remember things that are funny or humorous.

Book: Is This Anything by Jerry Seinfeld (not specifically a book about developing humour, but more of a book that introduces you to Jerry’s unique and humorous observations, which may in turn get you thinking about things in that way).

Frankness

One thing I’m still trying to learn at work and in my personal life is how to have more honest conversations. I’ve made it a career tiptoeing around the truth as a management consultant. The TV show was called House of Lies for a reason. It wasn’t about lying though, it was more of framing and reframing the truth in ways that appealed to my clients.

So when I get into situations at work now, I tend to reframe the situation so I can smooth things over — but that’s not always the best strategy. Instead, getting at the truth of the matter, getting everyone’s perspectives, and understanding how to move forward is the way to go.

Book: Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott

Pleasing facial expression

When Ryan Holiday started writing about stoicism, I thought “Great, I’ve always been called stoic so I think this will suit me just fine”, except stoic (not having any expression of feelings) and Stoic (the philosophy) are two different things.

Although I still try to maintain my expressions, my Myers-Brigg personality has changed from an INTJ to an INFJ — which tells me I’m being more expressive and letting emotions pour through the work facade I have. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, I think it’s necessary because nobody wants to work with robots all day.

Book: Cues by Vanessa Van Edwards (What non-verbal cues are you giving off? Which ones signal your competence? Intelligence? Warmth?)

Keen sense of justice

Knowing what’s right and wrong will help you stay on the right side of the law. I’m not talking about specifically justice, ethics or morals, but rather, what the right thing to do is in different situations. For example, many years ago, I was out for dinner with a huge group of friends (about 20ish people). After the meal, I went to the washroom. When I came back, most of my friends had left and the waitress came to me saying she was short about $25 on a $200+ bill and that was not including any tips. And this was after I had paid my bill. I suspected that someone had skipped out on the bill and not paid their share, but with all my friends having already left, I decided to put in an extra $25 to at least pay off the bill.

I talked to one of my good friends after and told him what happened, and he and I figured out who had probably skipped out on the bill. I told him that it’s crazy that that individual can act that way, but we can’t and he told me something I’ll never forget: “we always have to take the high road because that’s the kind of person we are”.

Book: Everyday Ethics by Joshua Halberstam

Sincerity of purpose

When Viktor Frankl was in the concentration camps, he imagined himself one day taking his experience and sharing it with others in lecture halls. This sense of purpose is what he believed to have enabled him to survive the camps because that’s what he eventually did.

When you have the why, you can face the how. It’s what Simon Sinek’s book Start with Why and Ted Talk popularized. It’s also a great way to motivate you for any new habits you want to develop — start with why you want to develop those habits. What results do you want to have? What benefits will you get?

Book: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Versatility

While flexibility is about being able to adjust on the fly, versatility is about being able to adjust to different situations. The two go hand in hand — having both traits are key to getting through obstacles or problems in life.

How do you develop versatility? I have a few suggestions: going through premortems for important projects or situations (identifying what may potentially go wrong in the future), learning from the mistakes or lessons of others who have gone through the situation, having the right tools and mindset to embrace different situations, and generally just being calm so that you can think through things. It doesn’t help you (or anyone) to panic.

Book: Loserthink by Scott Adams (what I like about Loserthink is Scott’s mental model of thinking about different perspectives by wearing different hats: a scientist’s hat, a politician’s hat, a marketer’s hat, an engineer’s hat. At least when it comes to thinking through problems or arguments, you see different perspectives when you use different lenses to look through, which enables you to see arguments and counter-arguments more effectively).

Tact

Leil, in her book, shares a story of when she was on a plane talking to another woman. She asked the woman where she was from and the woman told her what city she was from. Later in the conversation, Leil asked the woman again where she was from, and the woman, instead of repeating what city she was from or telling Leil that she had already mentioned it earlier in the conversation, told her she was from ‘out East’ and said where she was close to. In other words, she told Leil where she was from without repeating herself.

Leil later realized her mistake in asking the same question twice, but the woman had the tact to not point out her error.

I love this little story about how tact can help people feel better about themselves. And it’s one of those skills that if you do it well, people either do not realize it OR realize you did it in a way that minimizes embarrassment.

Book: How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes (a book with 92 little tricks for better relationships — of course not all about tact).

Promptness of decision

I don’t know if I agree that everyone has to be quick with decisions. I think there is a set of heuristics that you can follow to make quicker decisions: For example, one heuristic is if the decision is reversible (e.g., a small purchase at a retailer), you can make it a lot faster than if the decision is irreversible or a lot harder to reverse (e.g., taking on a mortgage, getting married).

What I do agree with is that delaying decisions is not always the best strategy. Sure, it can give you more information, but one of the things I have learned in life is that sub-optimal decisions are better than perfect decisions — mostly because it’s difficult to make the perfect decision whereas it’s a lot easier to find a good direction to move towards and then adjust as you go.

Book: Excellent Advice for Living by Kevin Kelly (not strictly about making decisions, but it’s better to learn from Kevin than it is to make the mistakes yourself)

Faith in infinite intelligence

Once, I asked my parents whether they believed in God. As a family, we weren’t particularly religious, but I noticed many of my friends going to church on Sundays or having religion as a big part of their life. My parents told me they didn’t, but that they did believe in some sort of spiritual entity. I asked why and they said that many people find it comforting to know that someone is out there watching over everyone.

Why do good things happen to bad people? Why do bad things happen to good people? I don’t know and I can’t come up with any explanations — all I can do is take comfort in the idea that there’s a reason for why things happen and yet we might never know the reason.

Book: The Law of Attraction by Jack Canfield (and another good book on this is The Secret by Rhonda Byrne)

Humility and modesty

I think because of my culture and upbringing, I have never really had a problem with humility and modesty. It just wasn’t a thing to brag to friends or family about accomplishments or milestones I might even say that it was to the extreme where I felt uncomfortable with self-promotion.

If anything, you want to strike a balance — you don’t want to come off as having too much pride nor do you want to keep quiet about everything you do.

Book: Two I think which will help you keep a great balance: Courage is Calling by Ryan Holiday (if you feel you don’t self-promote enough) and Ego is the Enemy also by Ryan Holiday (if you feel you have too much pride).

Appropriate use of words

I learned the power of words by doing one simple change in question at the end of my presentations. Instead of asking the audience “Do you have any questions?” to which I always heard crickets and received silent stares, I asked, “What questions do you have for me?” Because the automatic response to “Do you have any questions?” is no and then people keep silent, whereas when the question is “What questions do you have for me?”, the presumption is the audience has questions and this is the time to ask them.

Book: Exactly What to Say by Phil M. Jones OR Magic Words by Jonah Berger

Controlled enthusiasm

I was always the individual at work who never showed any enthusiasm or excitement for anything. Record high company bonuses? Okay. Are people getting laid off left and right? Fine. I was trying to not seem so emotional but instead, I think it came off as apathetic. I didn’t care about the company. I didn’t care about my coworkers. So nowadays, I do try to show a little emotion — if only to show that I’m a human and not a robot.

Book: Positive Action Plan by Napoleon Hill

Don’t take anything too seriously

There is a great mini anecdote provided in The One Minute Manager Balances Work and Life: it’s called the zoo mentality. One of the characters talks about how he brings his kids to the zoo and when things happen, he embraces them big, or small, good or bad. He says he could never understand why people would bring their kids to the zoo and then spend all day yelling at them.

Paradoxically, if you look at the richest people or the fittest people in the world, they didn’t get into whatever they were doing for the money or to have the best body in the world. I bet the best investors in the world don’t worry about the money they gain or lose (well, maybe they do care about how much money they lose), but what I mean is they’re in the investment game to minimize the mistakes they make and to learn new things about the world so that they might invest with an advantage.

I think there are two sides to this: developing and having a positive attitude about life where you control the things you can control and getting into things for the right reason.

Book: The Joy of Not Working OR How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free both by Ernie Zelinski

Common courtesy

The little things are the big things. Your interview may have gone well, but it’s the thank you note after the interview that gave you the job offer. Your work presentation was great, but it’s the fact that you polished and formatted it that made people notice. When you put as much care and attention to the little things that everyone should do (common courtesy), you’re going to go far in life.

Book: Emily Post’s Etiquette

Appropriateness of clothing

At one of my first co-op jobs, I showed up to work wearing jeans, sneakers, and an untucked checkered shirt. It was in stark contrast to everyone else around me who was wearing dress shirts and pants or professional attire. It never occurred to me that I needed to wear professional attire to work — so the whole co-op term, I continued to wear what I was wearing — jeans, hoodies, and sneakers. Lesson learned: I should be more self-aware of what I’m wearing and try not to stick out like a sore thumb. If I don’t know what to wear, I should ask someone.

Book: None — There are a few I can think of that I’ve read that are male-specific, but I can’t think of any books covering the topic of what to wear and when — Any recommendations would be appreciated!

Good showmanship

Nobody likes showboating (that is, acting over the top when you win). No one is on top forever. No one is the best forever. I saw this documentary on top students trying to get into the most competitive colleges and there’s a quote that has never left me: To be #1, you have to act like you’re #2.

Book: See you at the Top by Zig Ziglar

Going the extra mile

When I talk to coworkers, I hear a lot of them talking about “I don’t get paid enough to do this” or “I’ll take on the responsibilities once I get promoted”. On the surface, it makes sense — why do things your job description doesn’t outline? And essentially for free (or at least no increase in pay or other measurable benefits)? Consider this from the employer perspective, they have an employee who they may or may not promote/increase the pay/give more responsibilities. They aren’t sure if this employee can take on the additional responsibilities or whether they would excel.

Book: The 10x Rule by Grant Cardone

Temperance

You want to promote yourself, but not to the point of bragging. You want to show feelings to show you get emotional at the right times, but not show too much emotion where you are labelled as emotional. You want to exercise, but not so much that you overtrain. Like all things in life, temperance is key — not too much, not too little.

Book: Discipline is Destiny by Ryan Holiday

Patience

That’s what I tell myself whenever something doesn’t go my way. Maybe I don’t get a promotion. Maybe I won’t get an offer from a job that looks perfect for me. Maybe I don’t get any virality at all from my articles or ideas. All I think is patience. It might not come now. It might not even come in a short time. If I continue to build my skills and improve, it may come to me even in a different form.

Book: The Long Game by Dorie Clark

Gracefulness in posture and carriage

One of the tips I learned about entering a room in the right way: enter as if you belong there. We can immediately sense when people come into a room and then see that they are uncomfortable or don’t feel like they belong there.

Gracefulness in posture and carriage also carries other benefits aside from coming into a room with the right first impression — people have more confidence in the things you do and you waste no effort on extraneous movements. In addition, your actions dictate your mood. If you walk confidently in a room, you’re going to act confidently when you interact with people in the room.

Book: Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards

Personal magnetism

What draws people to others? I’m not sure what traits, skills or experiences would be considered ‘magnetic’. When I think about the magnetic people in my life, I see a few common threads:

• They have many of the traits listed above (dress well, have temperance, tact, versatility, etc.)
• They have a vision for what they want in life

The second thread is the one I want to talk about more — I see people with grand visions for life, their business, for their family, for their health or wealth, and I can’t help but be drawn to these people. It’s why we’re drawn to Elon Musk and his companies — Tesla isn’t just an electric car company, it’s a company looking to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. SpaceX isn’t just a space exploration company, it’s a company looking to make space travel affordable.

Book: The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz (not necessarily a book about magnetism, but more about getting into the mindset of having a bigger vision for your life).