The 2 Most Overly Used Job Requirements in Technology Hide an Ugly Truth

Sometimes they mean absolutely nothing at all

I started looking for a new job about two months ago. After about three months of being laid off, it was time to get back in the hunt. I was done with my phase of self-discovery.

I discovered that I was running out of funds. I discovered that having no job didn’t fit my lifestyle of having gas in my car, buying groceries and making the inside temperature of my house feel more summery than wintery.

I started cautiously. I updated my LinkedIn profile. I spruced up my dusty old resume. The last time I actually searched for a job was about a decade ago. The landscape looked a little different now. The big dog of the game from a decade or so ago, Monster, seemed to have been declawed and muzzled.

While searching, I came across a lot of fluffy descriptions. A LOT of repetitive spiels. The same phrases, the same promises, the same of just about everything. So much so, I often wondered if I was stuck on a model train in the Twilight Zone.

Two phrases stuck out to me the most. Almost every job requirement repeated the same tired old lines.

You’ve heard the popular internet meme, “once you see it, you can’t unsee it.”

Once I noticed these two phrases, it was hard not to notice them. To spice up my searches, I also always made sure to look for them. I gave myself a nickel for each time I saw it. I needed an income — I might as well make money job hunting.

I don’t remember a single post not including the following two statements.

Overly Used Statement #1 — Must Be a Team Player

I’ve been on many teams at work — development teams, scrum teams, management teams…even Halloween decoration teams. I know what it means to be a team player.

In simple terms, a team player is someone who works well with others. After all, a company, any workplace, is a collection of people with different skillsets. Each person helps the company towards its mission. The company is one giant team. The company team is a living, breathing thing. Of course you have to be a team player. You can’t do everyone’s job. You just have to do yours…while working with others.

The coworker who works in a silo will eventually drag a project down. Not sharing the information and not sharing the workload tends to bottleneck the flow. Workers who refuse to work with others typically want to wear the winning medal, but when things go wrong, they are quick to point the blame at others.

But what is a team player to most companies? In archaic terms, “a yes man.” In pronoun-friendly culture, “a yes person.”

When the job posting asks for a team player, here’s what it can mean:

• “We are not very organized, and you will be bounced from one project to another. Get used to being on a few different teams quickly”
• “When something breaks, we will call you. You must be available”
• “When your supervisor or team lead gives direction, it is law. There is no room for discussion. Your contribution as a team player is to simply go do”
• “Being a team of one is a thing. Sometimes you are your own team, and you have to figure things out on your own”
• “We’d like you to come in with a team player mindset. We, however, are busy with our stuff and may not be there for you”
• “We just lost another person. Now you have to do their tasks too”
• Or very simply, “Just do your job. Help out here and there”

The promise of being part of a team is just fluff.

Sometimes, the price of admission into a job is being able to do a perfect impression of a fan when the shit starts flying.

Overly Used Statement #2 — Must Be Able to Work in a Fast-Paced Environment

Every company thinks they are fast paced. Everyone wants to believe they are fast paced. Many companies actually believe they are “fast paced.” After all, what company will pride themselves on sitting on their hands getting things done slowly?

Here’s how companies want the two words to come across:

• We get it done. And yes, we get it done fast. We go from project-initiate to project-close like that
• We are organized. Our processes are a perfectly oiled machine. We stuff requirements into one end and products come out the other
• We keep our people busy. Everyone is on task, clocking hours, checking off lists and hungry for the next tasks (See Overly Used Statement #1)

But here’s what they usually mean:

• We have a lot of staff turnover. Our busy-ness is the constant onboarding, training, retraining and reassignment of people. We also haven’t addressed why people leave — we think it’s them, not us. Of course it’s not us.
• Our many departments are very busy throwing things over each other’s fences. We’re gold medalists at playing Hot Potato.
• We have a lot of meetings that take up a lot of the working day. We are very busy going from meeting to meeting. Our calendars would make amazing patterns for Ugly Sweater Day. A common phrase you hear is, “Oh, you think you’re busy? Check out my calendar!” followed by “Oh, shit, sucks to be you.”
• The fast pace we’re referring to is when we redline towards — and past— a deadline while working overtime hours. Other than those times, we’re spinning wheels and comparing calendars.
• There are delays everywhere. The bigger the company, the bigger the delays. There are simply more moving parts. Throw in some legal, compliance or government requirements and now your potential delays involve carrying the ‘1’ over to the left a few times.
• On the other hand, smaller companies change their plans a lot. And they brag about it. “We’re small and lean, and we can pivot on a dime.” That’s great, but that’s like any creative individual who’s got a ton of ideas, quickly gets excited and starts on a new idea, and never completes anything.
• Software companies use lots of tools and hardware. Between constantly upgraded versions and changing configurations, getting them to play nice with each other takes up a lot of time. We’re busy taking care of those issues.

The Promise vs The Reality

As a job seeker, who wouldn’t want to be part of a team? Who wouldn’t want to be embraced by a company which encouraged teamwork? It’s exciting to know your contributions will make the team proud. Once you sign the papers, they will lift you up on their shoulders and chant your name. A company jersey will bear your name sealed away in a glass box for all to see.

At least, that’s the vision. That’s the dream. That’s the sell.

The reality and the promise of the team tends to be less lofty. You show up, you do your work, you do what is expected, maybe a bit more. Sometimes, you volunteer for something out of your normal day.

That’s it. You’re part of the team. That’s all the company expects.

Oh, what about that fast pace? You were either excited by it or intimidated by it. Either way, once you get in, look for it. See if you can find it. Was it any more fast-paced than your last job?

Whether sincerely or sarcastically, you’ve probably said this: “Same shit, different day”

You can add this to your book of wisdom: “Same pace, different job”