The ‘100 Things in 20 Minutes Challenge’ is Clearly Ridiculous, But at Least It May Clear Out My Brain

I have a problem resisting prompts

Most of you already know that I simply cannot ignore a writing prompt. Typically the challenge comes in either the film or music genres (like the one from Pierce McIntyre I’m working on now, trying to prove that Born to Run is a concept album), but sometimes they come from way out in left field. Like past the bleachers and into the parking lot left field. Not surprisingly, it was Hogan Torah and Gunner Barrett who lured me into just such a challenge: 100 Things in 20 Minutes.

I’ve read several of these over the past week, and each had its own special take on the prompt. Some contained one-line story ideas, some were akin to a slam poem, and more than one resembled what you’d get by letting your cat walk on your keyboard for 20 minutes. It’s been madness, and I have enough madness already, so why jump into more?

Because it’s a challenge, damn it. And I have some kind of weird addiction to the things. I also clearly don’t grasp the concept of coming up with 100 things in a set amount of time or I wouldn’t be hammering always at this introductory blather.

Balls. Six minutes gone already. I am too wordy for my own good. Time to get after it.

1. Born to Run is the Greatest Album Ever.
2. You should have expected me to start with that.
3. I should have made more coffee before starting.
4. I hope this isn’t the one article of mine the guys from the Pulitzer committee land on.
5. Simon Dillon would never allow himself to be sucked into such an endeavor.
6. He is nodding in agreement six hours ahead of me as I type this, laughing at my foolishness.
7. Pierce McIntyre is reading this wondering if he can type the titles to 100 Monkees songs in 20 minutes.
8. Are there 100 Monkees songs?
9. I wish I could still smoke inside.
10. I believe that the designated hitter is a crime against humanity and should be outlawed.
11. Same with artificial turf.
12. King Charles has a lot in common with Pope Benedict XVI.
13. Now that’s an article idea I should be working on instead of this.
14. Medium is less fun since Sarah Paris and Eric Pierce took big-time writing gigs on another platform.
15. Good on them, though.
16. I just wasted valuable seconds trying to find a good playlist for this insanity.
17. I wonder if the nuns who taught me English in school would be proud right now?
18. Maybe, as long as I spell everything right.
19. Nuns care about spelling.
20. If 100 people would tip me $5 in 20 minutes I could move under a better bridge and maybe upgrade my cardboard box.
21. I should have made the cardboard box #21.
22. If you’re a Gen Xer and try to tell me you weren’t in love with Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart in 1975 you are lying.
23. Same with Debbie Harry from Blondie.
24. My married daughter was not yet born the last time the Dallas Cowboys won a Super Bowl.
25. 25% through this thing and my fingers hurt already.
26. Hogan Torah is either a sadist, a masochist, or a horrible combination of both for starting this.
27. Lita Ford makes me type faster.
28. My son-in-law had no idea who Walter Cronkite was.
29. He is 27.
30. I have lived too long.
31. Thor: Love and Thunder is a lot better than the critics say.
32. And it’s a lot more fun than most of the recent MCU offerings.
33. But Iron Man is still the greatest Avenger.
34. I would have won that Thunderdome if Simon Dillon hadn’t used the shirtless pic of Chris Evans.
35. Guns N’ Roses makes me type even faster than Lita.
36. I think Natalie Merchant would be a cool person to hang out with.
37. Axl Rose would not be.
38. Just passed the 10-minute mark.
39. Must type faster (said in Jeff Goldblum’s voice).
40. Screw it, I’m breaking for a smoke.
41. The rules don’t say it has to be 20 uninterrupted minutes.
42. Maybe the nicotine will somehow make the second half better than the steaming pile the first half is.
43. There were too many words in that sentence.
44. I’m back, and the cigarette did not help.
45. Now I just want tacos.
46. Don’t ask.
47. I should have six minutes added back to the timer for those first three paragraphs before the list started.
48. Everyone knows I can’t get to the point until paragraph four.
49. If the challenge was 50 Things I’d almost be done now.
50. Halfway…time to write something coherent.
51. I could type “moist” 50 times and it would still be more coherent than anything Dan Brown has ever written.
52. Also, vampires do not sparkle.
53. Where do we go now?
54. Axl will probably sue me for stealing that line.
55. The guy from the Atlantic magazine who called the rosary an extremist symbol is a moron.
56. This is not what I had in mind when I joined Medium.
57. I foolishly thought that thousands of people would see my fiction.
58. Silly, silly, stupid Paco.
59. It’s been more “Welcome to the Jungle” than “Paradise City.”
60. Sorry again, Axl.
61. Why am I not listening to Bruce?
62. I really want tacos.
63. But cheese enchiladas would work, too.
64. Maybe I’ll write a rant about this challenge.
65. I should be tagging everyone I know since it’s the only way people will see this after the profile heads were decapitated.
66. Alex Markham and Mark Holburn have Springsteen concert tickets and my jealousy knows no bounds.
67. If 100 people tip me $25 in the next 20 minutes I might be able to afford Springsteen tickets.
68. How many yachts can you waterski behind, Bruce?
69. No matter how hard I try, I will never finish Infinite Jest.
70. Or Ulysses.
71. Yet I’ve read The Razor’s Edge every year since 1985.
72. I wouldn’t change that for anything.
73. Do I want carnitas tacos or tacos al pastor?
74. This is an important question.
75. Kids graduating from high school this year were born in 2004.
76. 2004.
77. Where is the flying car they promised me back in ’73?
78. I have fewer years ahead of me than behind me.
79. Yet I’m burning 20 minutes I’ll never get back on this.
80. 12 years of Catholic school for this.
81. It took me 10 years as an atheist to recover from 12 years of Catholic school.
82. Then another 16 as a Southern Baptist.
83. How in the world? you may ask.
84. I have a weakness for blondes. It’s a curse.
85. Then back home to Rome, still hoping to be pope one day.
86. The blonde Baptist thinks Pope Francis is cool, it’s just a shame he’s the anti-Christ. Seriously.
87. Yes, we still talk. Having kids kinda forces that.
88. Two-minute warning, and the G N’ R playlist just ended.
89. On the plus side, my brain is indeed emptying of its built-up clutter.
90. Meatballs is a better film than Citizen Kane.
91. Somewhere in England, Simon Dillon’s head just exploded.
92. Serves him right for laughing at me all the way back at #6.
93. If this is the first story of mine you’ve read, it really does get better.
94. What is the capital of Croatia?
95. My religion articles get 1/1000th the number of views that the Springsteen articles do.
96. I know I act like he’s God sometimes, but seriously.
97. Heathens.
98. Acts 4:12
99. Almost taco time (assuming some tips come in).
100. Tramps like us. (You should have seen that coming too).

19:58:78. 1.22 seconds to spare. But since I can’t just end with #100 and no final words, I am adding back some of that time I was cheated out of earlier. I also need it to run a spell check, lest the nuns rise from their holy graves and smite me.

The experience has been interesting, to say the least. Knowing what I know now, if I had it to do over again I probably still would; in the midst of the drivel, I got a few semi-decent ideas for actual stories. And if you made it all the way to #94, the answer is Zagreb.

In honor of Numbers 1 and 100, here’s this:

Here are the 100 Things from Hogan and Gunner. Blame them.

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