LIFE ADVICE

The 10 Things I Would Tell My 19-Year-Old Self

Spoiler alert: jumping in a cold lake/fjord isn’t one of them.

It was 4am in the morning and I was roaming the streets of Havana, Cuba, without destination.

I had left a club where I had spent the whole night dancing with and hitting (or I should say trying to hit) on a girl, only to return from drinks refill to a Cubano raining on my parade. Defeated and tired, I decided to head home. Problem was: I couldn’t get the keys to work and open the door, I couldn’t reach my host as my phone wasn’t connecting to the network, and it was too late to start screaming his name from the street.

Not exactly the way I had imagined spending a night out.

With no much else to do besides waiting for my hosts to wake up, I started walking around the city until I reached a square and sat on a bench. With no internet and no signal on my phone, I started reflecting on all the lessons learned over the years and what I would tell myself if I could go back to the day my young adult life started.

Regardless of whether you are graduating from high school, starting universities or completing your studies, keep these the following in mind as you navigate the next stages of your life (and career). They helped me gain perspective now, years later, and I wish I knew them years ago.

#1. Today Is the Time Tomorrow You Will Wish You Had

Look, I know it sounds cliché.

You must have heard it so many times that, by now, this nugget of advice will have washed over you a hundreds of times (maybe more?!).

But the fact it is cliché doesn’t mean it is not true to a certain extent.

Do you remember all those times you said “I will get to it later”? Did you do it eventually? I have been keeping track and I have to tell you: it is not looking good. Just saying.

Perhaps you were insecure.

Maybe you thought there was no point — good old cost-benefit analysis you learned at school.

Possibly, you were afraid to ask that question you so wanted to ask.

I get you.

Just remember opportunities come and go. Sometimes you need to take that chance and see how it goes. Sometimes you will be rejected, but at least you know it for sure — you won’t be making assumptions.

There is not better time than now.

You want to take that class? Do it!

You want to start a side hustle? Do it!

Want to ask someone out? Do that one, too!

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why we call it the present — Bill Keane

#2. People Will Push You to Their Priorities

This is one you will have to come to accept.

I know that when you were younger, people looked more genuine. That is because the game was less complex. But as time passed by, you and your friends and acquaintances managed to progress through game, entering new levels. Each new level meant new rules, responsibilities and well…priorities.

Know this: everyone has their own priorities, which isn’t a sin, and very often they will clash with yours.

I will tell you more: sometimes you will be pushed to their priorities without noticing, while other times you will realise but won’t say a word.

Whenever you can, keep your position.

Ask yourself:

What is the limit beyond which I won’t go?

#3 Watch Your Mind in Negotiations

Negotiating isn’t easy, otherwise there wouldn’t be several courses and executive programs on the topic of negotiation.

I have lost track of the number of books, articles and videos about the most effective techniques to maximize your odds in a negotiation. Some of them are good and actionable, others not so much.

What makes negotiations tough is the games your mind and emotions play on you, even when there is no money involved. If you add money to the equation, then it gets even “more fun”.

Before you look at the myriad of techniques, tactics and strategies, identify your desired outcome.

Ask yourself:

What do I really need/want out of this?

If you don’t know what you want out of a negotiation, you will agree to any proposal. Chances are, not all proposals will suit your interests.

#4. Understand and Appreciate Emotions in Decision Making

Emotions are colours, we are the white canvas and our decisions are our paintings. Depending on our emotions, our final paintings will change.

Which one of the following gets you in a better mood?

This one?

Or this one?

Your emotions will play a key role in how you make sense of life events and how you react to them.

When you are happy:

• Don’t make promises
• Don’t cave in to the promise of financial leverage
• Don’t make drastic changes to your systems

Equally, when you are mad or sad:

• Don’t make decisions
• Don’t overthink things
• Don’t believe your own words

I say all of that because you will most likely regret your actions. Learn when to follow your emotions and when to question them, based on the outcomes you achieved choosing either in the past. Example: have the messages you sent in anger ever got you anywhere nice? Yeah, I thought so…

Ask yourself:

What painting do I want to create?

5. Don’t Hope Educational Institutions Will Save Your Day

Universities/colleges won’t save you from facing the reality of the job market.

Yes, some institutions are better than others are and can give you an edge once you graduate. But don’t bank your future on that.

The moment you step foot outside of a university campus, you are on your own. Your success will depend largely, but not exclusively, on you, your skill-set and your grit.

Years will pass by and you will still hear about the great divide between the academic and professional worlds.

The divide is not fiction. It is real. Accept it and move on.

#6. Don’t Stress Over Job Applications

As you get closer to completing your degree program, you will get more and more stressed about finding work.

You will spend a ridiculous amount of time filling in job applications for just about any major company you can think of. You will think you are doing the right thing, and very likely you will be.

That said, don’t stress over it.

Not getting a corporate internship today doesn’t mean you won’t be employable tomorrow. Not getting that cool-sounding job for the summer won’t make you any less talented. Not getting into a winter talent program doesn’t mean you won’t find a way to grow your skill-set.

Keep an open mind to opportunities, particularly to those you wouldn’t consider at first — even your first job as a waiter can teach you valuable lessons and skills you will be drawing upon later on.

Enjoy your current journey. You have a lot less to think about than you realise.

Ask yourself:

Is stressing over job applications attracting opportunities or leading me to focus on the wrong things?

#7. Forgive Yourself

I know you hold yourself to high standards and would like things to go perfectly. Then they turn out differently and you get upset.

Yes, you can do a great job. An amazing job. The perfect job. I have no doubt you can produce quality output, but keep in mind it might not be free of flaws. In anything you do, there will always be something that you could have done better

What looks perfect to you, it looks different to someone else.

You are not a machine (yet). Forgive yourself when you make mistakes. Appreciate you were trying as opposed to staying idle. That is an achievement in itself.

The silver lining is — you can get better and better. Focus on reducing the error factor of your doings at the next available opportunity and do that with a relaxed mindset.

The moment you let go of perfectionism is the moment you get in closer contact with yourself. There will be no filters. It will be you with you.

#8. Smile More

I don’t know when, how and why we all got so serious.

Even the Joker smiles more than a lot of people that you’ll met. Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best example. Sorry! Let me start again, please.

So, I was saying…Something happened along the way. The world got more complicated. Smiling became something we all do less

There is a scarcity of smiles that people are hungry of smiles.

If you smile:

• you will fee better
• the world will smile back at you

Go and practice smiling around — please do so genuinely — and see what happens.

#9. Choose Your Battles Wisely

Time is limited, and so are your energies.

Yes, you can take energy drinks of any sort, but you don’t have an infinite amount of energies in you. In fact, your energy level will start to dwindle as you age.

That means, the more energy you devote to a given person, a situation or a problem, the less you will have for yourself and your goals. Choose your battles wisely.

Know when to persevere and when to let go.

No advancement was achieved without a good dose of persistence. You were born into this world because you pushed through the whole process. Think about it.

Equally, not all causes are worth fighting for. Some people are just energy suckers, whether they are intentional about it or not. Some problems seem to be your problems but really aren’t. Other times you will need to pull the plug, because “the economics” of it all don’t make sense no more.

Be aware of the battles you are in.

#10. Focus. Focus. Focus

Curiosity is addicting, don’t lose yourself in it though.

You will be very curious about a lot of things and that is great. Don’t lose that drive to know more than just your surroundings. You will need all of that to get you through project after project.

That said, curiosity can be dangerous. One moment you will be studying a marketing case. Another moment you will be looking up all the different ways to fix your chairs. Next thing you will know: you will have spent half of your day watching YouTube videos.

Practice staying focus on a task for at least 45 mins straight to start with. No distractions. No emails. No Facebook. No WhatsApp. No nothing. Take breaks and repeat the process until you have exhausted all your mental energies. Once you feel it hurts to learn, great job! That is your new limit.

Mastering a skill/topic or coming up with new ways of looking at reality won’t happen if your mind is busy juggling 1500 different pieces of information, content and so on.

As you enter you early 20s, know that they are an important part of your development journey.

You will be curious about many things. You will want to achieve a lot. You will be lazy a lot. You will meet many people. You will have faith in a various things, institutions, frameworks and people, only to be let down shortly thereafter. You will get stressed. You will lose your mojo.

That is ok.

Now you know it.

Since you know it, you can decide to take action. Today. Because today is the time tomorrow you will wish you had.

Oh, and don’t forget to smile!