MUSIC PLAYLIST

The 10 Greatest Christmas Rock & Pop Songs. Ever

Not all Christmas songs are cheesy nonsense — some are pure genius

I love Christmas, especially the bit where my granddaughter shows me all the great things she got.

I used to be less enamoured by having to hear the same cheesy pappy Christmas songs in every shop I went into from the beginning of November. Luckily, I moved from England to Valencia in Spain and Christmas isn’t their biggest celebration: no more Mariah Carey, Bing Crosby or Wham assaulting my ears.

The Valencians have a lot of celebrations so Christmas Day gets pushed aside a little. Each of their other celebrations is also a public holiday which adds up to FOURTEEN public holidays. That’s not the end of it: every official public holiday stretches into the unofficial but tolerated next day’s holiday. They call it a Bridge Day here but I call it The-Sleeping-Off-A-Hangover Day.

25th December falls into a Sleeping-Off-Things-Day here as they do the meal and stuff on Christmas Eve evening.

The main celebration of the year is actually Three Kings Day on Jan. 6th. They parade around the city all day before doing some serious eating, drinking and present opening.

A couple of weeks later, it’s party time again with St Vincente The Martyr’s Day. Vincente is the Patron Saint of the city. He died in 304 and they display his mummified right arm in the cathedral. Don’t ask.

By February it’s Carnival and street party time, (not sure of the reason but it’s been at least 3 weeks since the last party so why not?).

There’s then another biggy in March, The Fallas, a two-week orgy of fireworks and bonfires in the streets. The fire service cancels all leave and the microclimate rises a couple of degrees.

Holy Week (Easter) is, of course, a full week of celebration, none of this wimpy one day of Easter Sunday stuff for the Valencians. After this, things are extended into another St Vincente Day. The first one was such good fun they want to do it all over again two month’s later.

We have to wait a whole month for the next celebration: Our Lady Of The Foresaken. She’s the other patron saint of Valencia — a sort of backup as the first one has only two celebrations and that’s nowhere near enough.

Then comes Corpus Christi which, I guess, has religious connections somewhere but they play lots of folk music and dance in the streets.

In June, we have The Night of San Juan although this is also known as The Night of The Witches. Don’t ask as I have no idea. Whatever it’s about, we all go to the beach to celebrate (aka get drunk).

Next up, we get the July Festival. There is no specific event to celebrate so they celebrate something else. July, it seems.

We haven’t finished, oh no. After taking the whole of August off to recover, we struggle through September to get the International Festival of Pyrotechnics in October. Did I say they love noise? Anyway, this is merely an excuse to roll into Valencia Day, October 9th, Valencia’s Independence Day. It’s when the city was liberated by the Spanish King. It’s one of their newer celebrations. It all happened in 1238.

By Christmas Day they need a rest so it’s not such a big deal hence the lack of Christmas songs in the shops or on the radio. Besides, they’re gearing up for Three Kings Day.

I’m English so Christmas is still the big one; I want Christmas songs and here’s what I’ll be playing — my top-ten greatest Christmas rock and pop songs ever.

10. River — Joni Mitchell

Although the song starts out with the Jingle Bells tune on a piano, it’s clear from the melancholy style this isn’t going to be a jolly Christmas song.

The song is set at Christmas rather than being about Christmas and tells the story of a breakup, contrasting the joy of everyone else with her sadness. It’s a reminder that Christmas isn’t always fun for everyone so we should take some time to ponder this first.

9. Merry Christmas Everybody — Slade

Forget the Stones, Led Zeppelin and David Bowie; the biggest rock band of 1973 in the UK was Slade.

This one’s not deep but it’s a great rocker. Most Brits would moan at the inclusion of this classic song — it’s one of the most overplayed songs over December across the UK.

I’ve been away for three years and I miss Noddy Holder screaming, “It’s Christmas.” Nostalgia is exactly what it used to be.

8. Sleigh Ride — The Ronettes

OK, it’s a little overplayed and there’s lots of ding-a-linging going on. But the Ronettes? Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound? Come on.

7. 2,000 Miles — Pretenders

A major hit in the UK, it didn’t do much elsewhere which is crazy. The song has two meanings. The straightforward message is about two lovers separated on different continents at Christmas. Chrissie Hynde has said that it’s really about the death of James Honeyman-Scott, the band’s original guitarist. A bit of a downer for Christmas but I can’t help it, it’s too good.

6. Merry Christmas I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight — The Ramones

This was never a single as far as I know. It’s catchy, funny and rocky and should be played every Christmas. And on Three Kings Day. And The Night of St Juan or is it the Witches? And every other celebration. Maybe not Fallas as you wouldn’t hear it over the noise outside.

5. Run Rudolph Run — Chuck Berry

Chuck Berry is the Father of Rock ‘n Roll and this is a classic Chuck Berry song but with Christmas lyrics. That’s good enough for me.

4. Father Christmas — The Kinks 1977

Don’t be fooled by the cute little Christmas tune intro. This explodes into a punk song that casts doubt on the existence of Santa and is about a department store Father Christmas mugged by a gang of boys.

“Father Christmas give some money, don’t mess around with those silly toys.”

Why don’t they play this one in the UK stores at Christmas? Oh right, yes, I see.

3. Driving Home For Christmas — Chris Rea

A smooth jazzy tune from Chris Rea, a gravel-voiced blues and rock singer-songwriter from northeast England.

Rea never intended to release it as a single and never played it live until persuaded to do by his road crew at a 2014 December show in London.

A truly beautiful Christmas song based on a true event about Rea driving home to see his wife at Christmas. It would have been my №1 but the world’s greatest artists did Christmas songs so Mr Rea got bumped.

2. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town — Bruce Springsteen

Bruce works his magic to make one of Christmas’s cheesiest songs written in 1934 into the fun-est, rockiest, grooviest song.

Springsteen’s version, recorded live in 1975, borrows The Crystals’ arrangement from their 1963 version, including a spoken intro, but he makes it his own. Of course. He’s The Boss.

1. Happy Xmas (War Is Over )— John Lennon

The solo Beatles all had a go at Christmas songs: Ding Dong by Harrison, Wonderful Christmas Time from Macca and I Wanna Be Santa Claus from Ringo. All can be described as possibly the worst ever Christmas songs in the history of Christmas songs. Except for Lennon. He wrote the greatest one.

I wonder why Lennon used Xmas instead of Christmas? I’m sure he was sending a message. He was certainly sending a message with the lyrics — it’s an anti-war song.

The 10 Greatest Christmas Rock and Pop Song Playlist — Ever

While Valencia sleeps in and relaxes, we’ll be celebrating the 25th with the greatest Christmas playlist, plenty of turkey and a little wine and a few other Brit ex-pats.

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