The #1 Secret of Every Successful Love Relationship

It Is Certainly Not Romance

“It is good to be loved, but it is more profound to be understood.” - Ellen DeGeneres

There is no greater tragedy in life than a man or woman not knowing that he or she is loved by someone who feels sure of their love for this loved one.

You could love someone passionately, and he/she can be unaffected by it: because of a lack of understanding.

The big idea here is: Many people measure love by romance, but a person will never feel loved until you have spoken his or her love language.

You cannot give love to or receive love from someone outside of the vehicle of that person’s love language. All such attempts only end in frustration, and sometimes bitterness for the persons concerned.

Love is about what you give, not what you receive. Your first act of love, then, is to seek to understand the person you love. That way you know exactly what this person needs from you. Which many times is not what you feel you want to give.

Then, you must commit to remaining in this “seeking” mode. The more you understand what your loved one needs, and actively fulfill those needs, the stronger you build your relationship.

If, on any given day your loved one’s need changes, your ability to pivot and meet that need immediately without their begging you to, will be your most precious gift to her or him. That will also return you untold dividends.

So, let’s put this into action.

Ask yourself, “In what area has my understanding of my friend’s needs increased recently?”

Ask your loved one, “What is something about you that I have not managed to grasp yet?”

Receive the answers to these ultra-important questions without guilt or defense. Those are obstacles to progress.

Guilt attacks your own ego, and defense attacks this person you claim to love. Objectively accepting the situation puts you in the right frame of mind to improve your relationship.

The bond forged between two hearts that attain the ‘state of understanding’ is both insurmountable and indescribable. When a person feels understood, he/she relaxes the defenses, breaks down the walls, and reposes cocooned within a peace that secures that relationship for all time the relationship is desired.

If you’re sincere about wanting to make this even easier, take a few minutes to check out Gary Chapman’s book “5 Love Languages”. His advice can be applied to all your relationships, not only marriage.

Willard F Harley’s book “His Needs Her Needs” helps couples build an affair-proof marriage. The central message here is to better understand your mate’s needs, and work within the relationship — not go outside of it — to improve your love life.

When Ellen DeGeneres made the above statement in an interview with Oprah, she described a transcendent state of love that some people do not even strive to attain. Many mistakenly settle for a mere romance.

But there is no greater gift you can give to someone you love than to let this person know that you think so highly of him or her, that you will diligently seek to find out what their important needs are, and give your best efforts to meet those needs.

Even the gift of love with all its many-splendored glory is made more profound and more meaningful by the gift of understanding. And when understanding is not present, even love loses its sense of direction and being.