That Time I Was Dumped By A Friend (Because of Facebook)

How I learned not to be a doormat

Have you ever put in a Herculean effort with someone, only for it to be not good enough?

Yeah. That happened to me, too.

Things blew up a few months ago.

I am sure that my discomfort with her lunatic boyfriend didn’t help the situation (it’s a long story, but suffice it to say, cops were involved). However, even prior to that whole rigmarole, the writing was on the wall. I just couldn’t read it yet.

The final event unfolded, of all places, on Facebook.

Specifically, my personal Facebook page.

Seriously, are we twelve?

I was heading out on a family vacation, blissfully unaware that anything was seriously wrong. While she had brought up some dissatisfaction with our friendship in recent weeks, I had thought it was settled and behind us. I was, after all, doing the best that I could.

Despite knowing that I was travelling, she felt my focus should be on her.

A snotty online comment (hers) was all it took to open the floodgates.

Other friends defended me. Some more gracefully than others. The four-hours-of-sleep-only brain of mine was struggling to process what the hell was going on, opting for silence in place of rebuttal.

Without warning, she blocked me. From Facebook, and from her life.

That was that. Ten years of friendship, ended.

Upon reflection, it was for the best. People had tried to warn me of her narcissistic tendencies. But dumb ol’ me, I tend to only see the good in others.

It’s both a blessing and a curse.

I debated what to do for a long time. Should I reach out to her through alternative methods? Call her? Write a letter? She did love handwritten notes…

Instead, I chose to reflect. Following the getaway, and after taking some time to process, I jumped online to review our past conversations. I guess I was trying to sniff out what I had done wrong, what I had not seen.

Interestingly, as I read, a revelation hit me.

I had been putting about 90% of the effort into this “friendship”.

Who was reaching out the majority of the time? Me. Who was extending invitations for get togethers? I was. Offering support and assistance, over and over? Oh, yours truly.

As I scrolled on, I concluded that the criticism I had faced from her was unjust. Unrealistic expectations jumped out at me from my screen. Time and time again, I was putting in the effort, only to receive little in return.

I should have been the one upset, not her.

I am not saying this to toot my own horn. I am far from perfect, and it’s not like I never falter when it comes to friendships.

But in this case, it became clear: I had been getting screwed.

As much as it stung, I had to accept that this relationship was never what I thought it was. And by accepting that, it was easy for me to move on, with very little sadness.

Even so, getting dumped sucks, whether it’s by a lover or a decade-long friend.

This situation has forced me to really listen to the phrase “You teach people how to treat you.” I know I am guilty of letting others stomp on my boundaries, or take advantage of me. Now, I am learning how to stand back up for myself.

I guess I have her to thank for that?

Recently, I was driving around town when it hit me — I don’t even miss her. It was a very freeing feeling. Maybe that sounds cold, but it is true.

I know that my life is just as fulfilled, even without her in it. And I can now recognize the negativity that she was clouding around me.

That isn’t to say that I harbour ill feelings.

No, the opposite is true. I wish her well. I hope the best for her future. I pray she breaks free from her toxic relationship, and can put the pieces of her life back together.

I just know I won’t be in it.

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