Dog Lover

That pitiful puppy look

Lesson 3: Even you can show those sad, puppy eyes

Okay, pups, listen up! This is a very important lesson, one we’ll refer to many times in future lessons, so you may want to poopmark it.

Now, I have to come clean here and admit that not every puppy was born with the same inalienable rights. I mean, there’s cute, and then there’s CUTE. Some of us got it in spades, and some got handed a few low-value clubs. But no matter what The Good Dog gave you, own it. Work it, baby. You, too, can learn to show those sad puppy eyes even after you’re ten years old.

It’s best to practice while sitting or lying down, as it makes you look more sorrowful and subservient. It’s helpful if you sit or lay down directly in your human’s path, to ensure they see you and have to take extra steps to avoid stepping on you. (If they do step on you, play it for all it’s worth: a prolonged, soulful howl, like a Bassett Hound doing Aretha Franklin.)

Now, lower your ears and relax your haunches, let your upper eyelids droop a little, and close your mouth so your teeth don’t show. If lying down, let your chin flow into the floor, and look up at your human. Don’t overdo it, or you’ll look like you’re falling asleep, just enough to show them how sorry you are.

Don’t worry if you’re not really sorry! You might be thinking of sinking your teeth into your human’s privates and pulling them up over their head (we’ll cover that in a future lesson), but for now we’re focusing on that doleful, pitiful sorry expression. If it doesn’t work the first time, keep practicing and pay attention to reactions. If your human is so worried that they’re talking about a trip to the vet, you probably overdid it — but you’re on the right track! Just perk up and try again next time. It’s never too late to train your human in empathy. Or maybe just get an extra treat, which isn’t too bad either, is it?