avatarJessey Anthony

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That Moment You Realize You Never Knew Them At All

Finding meaning in your suffering helps you heal.

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I thought I knew her. We started as friends but bonded as sisters through times and struggles.

Anita was easy to love. If you were unhappy, she would cheer you up. If she is going through a phase and you need her support, she’ll come running to your aid.

Sometimes I would caution her for neglecting her health and sacrificing too much for others. But she would smile and tell me how happy it makes her feel to be the reason for someone else’s happiness.

She was generous and humble, but a bit nerdy. It was difficult to know what was going through her mind. Regardless of her quirks, I trusted her. She was reserved and we shared some things in common.

We both liked food and we were adventurous. We didn’t keep anything from each other.

When I met Ray, Anita was the first person I told. She got along with Ray very well and I was happy the two people I cherished and trusted were friends.

I felt secure with Ray that I’d allow him to hang out with Anita without me. But that was my mistake.

Soon I noticed Anita and Ray were hanging out more frequently. I thought I was reading too much meaning into nothing so I let it slide.

During Valentine’s Day, Ray and I had planned a special date. I told Anita that Ray was taking me to the new restaurant downtown. She acted surprised. She should have been curious but she acted unconcerned.

When Ray came to pick me up, I got excited. I was already dressed. I took my purse and went to meet him outside. I was shocked to see Anita was sitting at the back.

The date was supposed to be just the two of us. I wondered what Anita was doing there. Ray explained that she was feeling bored so he asked her to join us.

I was her best friend. She should have asked my permission not to go behind my back to my ex-boyfriend. Still, I didn’t make a fuss about the situation.

We got to the restaurant. Ray ordered our food and chatted as friends like we normally do. I noticed a jealous hint in Anita’s eyes, but I ignored it.

It was my date after all and I wasn’t going to let her ruin my day more than she already did.

After we were done with our main meal, we ordered dessert. While we were waiting for the order to arrive, Anita excused herself to go to the bathroom. Two minutes later, Ray excused himself to pick up a call.

Something didn’t seem right with their movement. The whole day wasn’t going as planned. When I noticed the two of them weren’t back after waiting for five minutes, I went to check on Anita.

This was when the bombshell dropped.

I heard the two of them arguing inside the female bathroom. They had been having an affair and I didn’t know.

I almost fell on the floor as my limbs went numb. I got hold of myself, held my purse tightly and my teeth clenched to prevent any sound from escaping my mouth.

Anita was mad that Ray was still with me. They had agreed he would break up with me before Valentine’s Day and the date was supposed to be their first official date as a couple.

But Ray couldn’t do it.

I heard him tell her he was going to break up with me after that day. He asked her to be patient with him, that he would end our relationship in a way I won’t suspect he was cheating.

I had heard enough. So I walked into the bathroom to see the shock on their faces. Unfortunately, my best friend felt no remorse. Ray was cold like a cat soaked in water.

I could see he was confused and didn’t know what to say. They both stood there looking at me. Maybe they were waiting for me to start a fight.

I pretended I didn’t know what was happening. I asked what they were doing there together in the women’s bathroom.

Then my friend looked at Ray and asked him, “Are you not going to tell her?”

“Tell me what, I asked with a stench of animosity?”

“Well…, Anita started speaking.”

I slapped her to reset her brain before she could finish her statement. She tried to hit me back, but Ray held her hand. I won’t forget the shock on her face when she saw how he defended me.

That day, I saw a different Anita. She was no longer the friend I thought I knew. She was just trash and I could see she was forcing herself on my ex-boyfriend.

I needed to get out of there before I caused a scene that would be degrading to my self-esteem. I looked Ray straight in the eyes and asked if he would take me home or if should I get myself a cab.

He told Anita to come so he would take us home together. She refused. Saying she won’t be in the same car with me. He has to choose either me or her.

Ray brought out his wallet and dropped a 50 dollar bill on the sink beside her. Then he held my waist to motion me to move towards the door.

He was quite the gentleman, but something had died in me after everything I heard. I’m not easily trusting and when my trust is broken, there’s no coming back from it.

Our ride back home was silent. I didn’t look at him. I had a million questions thrusting my brain. Though I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answers. I was afraid the remaining piece of my heart would fall out.

However, I needed to know just one thing. Why didn’t he break up with me sooner?

I was expecting to hear the same old lie, ‘I don’t know,’ cheats tell to evade the truth. Instead, he said he never wanted to.

What? Was he planning to date me and my best friend at the same time if I didn’t find out?

No, he wasn’t.

He lied that he had ended things with Anita but she had threatened him to bring her along on our date or else she would tell me about their affair.

If I had not heard their conversation myself, I would have believed him. I gave him a resounding slap for trying to make a fool out of me.

A part of me wanted to know where I had gone wrong, how long they had been sneaking around behind my back, but at this point, it didn’t matter what he said.

He was going to lie to make himself look like the victim anyway. I thanked him for opening my eyes to who he was and we didn’t speak again after that day.

He tried to get my forgiveness but I left town the following day to deal with my broken heart. I had blocked him on all my social accounts so he wouldn’t persuade me to get back in town.

Ray was the last man I loved before I became a solo polyamorist and that betrayal taught me a big lesson.

I know I should forget the past. However, when I forget the past I tend to forget the lessons too.

My experiences have helped build my resilience and confidence. Being a strong woman, I thought I could deal with the trauma from the breakup alone.

It wasn’t my first time being cheated on and I’ve cheated too.

But the betrayal from my supposed best friend hurt me more. Maybe that’s why I struggled to heal. My support group was always my girlfriends and I only have a selected few I trust.

Since I didn’t have my friends around, I joined a Reddit group for depressed people and took out my frustration there. I was surprised by the encouraging comments I got.

Some people asked me to forgive Ray. It’s possible he was seduced and regrets his decision. While some advised me to see a therapist.

I took their advice and began my healing with the guidance of my therapist.

I’m not sure I will get over my trust issues but I do know I will not allow the experience to stop me from being a good person. I still let people in, but I take red flags more seriously now.

In a podcast video I watched, I heard Sadia Khan say everyone is capable of cheating, it struck a blow that prompted this story.

I used to give people the benefit of the doubt till I got to know them. I don’t do that anymore.

Anita taught me to never trust anyone more than myself and that everyone is capable of betraying you because we are human beings with flaws.

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This Happened To Me
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