That Emptiness You Feel Might Be Just What You Need

Let the magic do its work

Four years ago, my metropolitan life abruptly came to an end. It was the end of a great period of prosperity for me. I had a job that I loved, free-pass to exclusive parties, a boyfriend I thought was the one, and a nice flat right in the middle of the buzz in Rio de Janeiro during the exciting times of the World Cup and the Olympic Games.

During that time, I was the perfect portrait of a young, lively person, with a promising career, a fresh liver, and unlimited access to tickets for any major sporting event. I was also doing an MBA, learning to fly helicopters, and driving around in a BMW — all at the same time — at the age of 29.

Needless to say, I had a lot of friends and a social life that made me feel like a celebrity.

Until I realized I wasn’t.

Despair

In Western philosophy, the concept of emptiness carries a negative connotation, often associated with apathy, depression, and despair.

This is how I felt in 2016, after the Olympic Games when the economy of Brazil entered into a crisis.

For me, it meant no new profitable contracts in sight, no way to afford my rent, and as if it wasn’t enough, my boyfriend left me.

Anxiety took over. I started to count my losses: love life, post-code, fast car, sunset drinks at hotel rooftops — all dead in a matter of weeks. With my social life in free-fall, certainly, all my “friends” would soon forget all about me while having tons of fun with the new rising stars.

I spent a month crying alone, ruminating over my losses, going on loops trying to figure out what my next steps should be without getting anywhere.

I was a proud rationalist who has since learned that one does not achieve one’s full potential through rationalization alone.

Emptiness

“When you finally let go of who you believe yourself to be and all concepts are abandoned entirely, your beautiful presence of emptiness can be realized at once. To be empty is to be filled with absolute and infinite potentiality.”

Brian Thompson

This was a breakthrough moment.

When stripped of all the superficial things that fed my ego for so many years, I was finally free to do whatever I really wanted to do.

And, for the first time in my life, I was able to ask myself, in complete honesty, what that thing might be. Not for show, not for others, not for my ego, just for me. Perhaps I should give credit to my previous therapists for this one, or Richard Bach — more on that later.

The important thing is that, just like magic, my emptiness had turned into a black canvas.

It was hard to see through the cloud of other people’s expectations — my friends and family, lovers, bosses, career, my own prejudices. I managed to let go of them all for a moment and be true to myself.

It all started to come together and make sense.

The questions and the answers

As soon as I managed to quiet my mind and navigate away from despair into an awakening emptiness, the inevitable questions started to come to my mind, and the answers were clear.

• What makes me happy? Spending time with friends and family. Reading. Nature.
• Where does my mind go when it wanders? The mountains, a dog.
• What was my passion when I was in childhood but don’t do enough today for lack of time? Writing.
• Where do I spend most of my expendable income and most of my holidays? On ski trips.
• Why does my office feel like a cage? Because I value freedom.
• Why do I have to wait until I retire to live the life that I want? I don’t.

And, just like this, I decided to move to a small ski town in the Alps

I’d always, since my childhood, had a nagging desire to live in the Alps. I kept it at the back of my mind, inside a box called “retirement plan”.

• I now work part-time in a company I’ve built with my cousin.
• I work from home on a flexible schedule, which means that when the day is good, I’m out for at least a few hours in the mountains.
• I adopted a dog who reminds me every day that my life does not belong to an office.
• I go skiing as much as I want.
• I have plenty of time to be with my friends or to call the ones who are distant and have meaningful conversations.
• I have enough time to read and meditate without having to rush to my next appointment.

It turned out that money and status didn’t make me happy after all. Time does. Freedom does. Love does.

• I don’t miss any of the things I thought I’d miss — from my previous life. It was a life built around other people’s values and expectations, not mine, but I did have to live it and leave it to prove that to myself.

Looking back at how busy my life was, now I realize how much I was filling up the void with pointless escapism.

The stages I had to go through to fill my emptiness with joy

The hardest part is to make the transition from an anxious state of mind to a quiet one where I could actually listen to the voice inside of me without any external interference.

I call that external interference “THE CLOUD” of other people’s opinions and expectations.

I had to go through the following stages to fill my emptiness with joy, happiness, and peace. You may encounter the same in your journey towards a magical life.

• Lose something you value
• Fall into despair (optional)
• Quiet your mind
• Evaluate your values
• Act on your values

Quiet your mind, find your values, and act on them to experience— the MAGIC.

Make your clouds disappear

There’s a memorable passage in Bach’s Illusions where the protagonist, Richard, is learning from his messiah, Shimoda, how to make clouds disappear with the will of his mind.

Shimoda: Amazing. You were so attached to it, and it still disappeared for you.

Richard: Attached! I was whacking that cloud with everything I had! Fireballs, laser beams, vacuum cleaner a block high …

Shimoda: Negative attachments, Richard. If you really want to remove a cloud from your life, you do not make a big production out of it, you just relax and remove it from your thinking. That’s all there is to it.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how you move away from despair and clear some space for the magic to happen. Disappear your clouds and live a happy and peaceful life.

Wish you all a fertile emptiness!

Thank you for reading.

If you are interested to know what I learned from an anonymous conversation with a chronically depressed man, you may read the following article published in The Masterpiece.