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Abstract

enewal of contracts was compensated with a minimum of three months’ salary or based on the notice period of termination as specified in the contract.We were informed literally at the 11th hour, thus three months’ salary compensation was a must. Our enquiry was met with deafening silence from the company.Being without a job meant that there would be no money to pay the bills in the subsequent months. The blessing was that we had both been through this situation a few times in our lives before and we knew what would happen next — all our savings and dignity would be depleted.And depleted they did become. I had no savings at all, having accumulated a lot of debt despite debt consolidation a few times in prior years.My advice is, if you are a single mother, refrain from doing debt consolidation. If the debt is credit card related, call your bank, ask for repayment assistance and burn that card! Seriously! Debt consolidation without cutting up the credit cards will not work. Eventually, you would start using the cards again and debt will increase — it would be deja vu, all over again.Both of us were in the same state. Debts to pay and no income in sight. We only had each other to support while the rest of our ex-colleagues looked at us wondering how we would overcome this phase.They were the luckier ones. Most were asked to stay on till the actual closing day of the company, duly compensated with a golden handshake. My friend and I were the only two that were the outcasts. Embarrassed? Yes, we were. Short changed? Yes, we felt that.We both found solace in our prayers. Never felt closer to God. And that was the first time I learned the meaning of being thankful.Generally, you would focus on what you do not have and hardly look at what you have and are thankful for. We were both like that until one day she said that she was glad that her cancer episode was over. She had just recovered from breast cancer when we were let go. I recovered back in 2015.That was the beginning. Over the next few weeks, we kept reminding each other that there were many things that we should be thankful for rather than to focus on what we did not have.At that time, apart from a job that paid sufficient salary, we had every other thing in our lives — good health, excellent basic comfort in terms of homes (mine was fully paid off, spacious and in an up-class neighborhood in the suburbs), she had her own bungalow in her family land, surrounded by beautiful greenery.Both of us were mobile, we had our cars. Food was plentiful. She had her family support; I had my daughters and nine dogs to turn to. Eve

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ntually, we realised that we had a lot to thank God for.Being thankful was like therapy. It could improve your mood in a jiffy. It was like when you were feeling absolutely bad and down, you take a moment to be thankful for every other thing that you had in life and slowly your mood changes for the better. It worked like a miracle for me.It was as if the Universe was watching us to see whether we crumble in this test or emerge better people. I suppose we passed the test!Believe it or not, like a miracle within the next 30 days, we had both secured a high paying job each and we could not be more thankful.When I received my contract, I thanked God for His blessings. No other news could have been sweeter. It has been more than a year since that incident back in 2022 and every day both of us thank God for everything that comes our way — the good and the bad.There was something we both realised after securing our jobs — we had closure from our old employer. Though we were let go unceremoniously, we reached closure and could move on with our lives. Some of our ex-colleagues were not so lucky. At the time of writing this, some were still struggling to find another job.The icing on the cake was that my friend was confirmed in her job while my contract was renewed for another year. Dear God, I thank you. I could not have been more grateful.A study reported by the University of California, Berkeley found that gratitude unshackles us from toxic emotions and is good for our mental health, with the benefits accruing over time.The study where 300 participants were asked to write letters of gratitude for a specific period of time had the following observations:“Most interestingly, when we compared those who wrote the gratitude letters with those who didn’t, the gratitude letter writers showed greater activation in the medial prefrontal cortex [the area associated with learning and decision making] when they experienced gratitude in the fMRI scanner.This is striking as this effect was found three months after the letter writing began. This indicates that simply expressing gratitude may have lasting effects on the brain.”So, the next time you are faced with some adversity, count your blessings and give thanks for all the other good things in your life. That will change your outlook and good things will likely start coming your way.Reference <a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain">https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain</a></article></body>

Thankfulness and Gratitude: For a Peaceful Life

How being thankful for everything I had changed my life and my friend’s

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash with thanks

Being thankful for everything I had changed my life and my friend’s. So the next time you feel down, try our technique.

“What are you thankful for?” my friend asked as we sat drinking coffee and munching on some cookies at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. 2024 was just born. There we were, two older women, reminiscing about our last 12 months journey.

We were both in our fifties, she in her early fifties and me approaching sixties. Both divorcees, cancer survivors, have been through some bad relationships and yes, both had just secured a new job each.

Compared to many women, our lives had been way less than lucky. I will not lie. There were times I had felt jealous seeing women with their husbands where the man did all the carrying of groceries, wheeling the babies in their strollers, parking the cars, getting the kids organised when they alight from their family vehicle, attending to the kids when they needed to use the washroom or simply to wash their hands.

I had been a single mother for as long as I could remember, even in practice during my married years, and my friend had not had the chance of even being a mom as her divorce happened very early in her marriage.

Life had been very demanding on me as I juggled between being a career woman and a mother, at times feeling myself going insane but often thankfulness brought me back to sanity.

“We both secured a job though our company closed down,” I said.

She nodded.

We met as colleagues at a government entity; she had joined earlier than me. When the decision was announced to close down the organisation which had reached its 10th anniversary by then, we heard that everyone would be compensated. The Board of Directors did not say much on that but you know how the grapevine works.

But at 11.59 pm on the 31st December, both of us plus a few others received emails which stated that our contracts would not be renewed. The end. Just like that. And suddenly we no longer had access to the office infrastructure even to reply to that email!

No word on any compensation for not renewing our contracts. The market best practice was that non-renewal of contracts was compensated with a minimum of three months’ salary or based on the notice period of termination as specified in the contract.

We were informed literally at the 11th hour, thus three months’ salary compensation was a must. Our enquiry was met with deafening silence from the company.

Being without a job meant that there would be no money to pay the bills in the subsequent months. The blessing was that we had both been through this situation a few times in our lives before and we knew what would happen next — all our savings and dignity would be depleted.

And depleted they did become. I had no savings at all, having accumulated a lot of debt despite debt consolidation a few times in prior years.

My advice is, if you are a single mother, refrain from doing debt consolidation. If the debt is credit card related, call your bank, ask for repayment assistance and burn that card! Seriously! Debt consolidation without cutting up the credit cards will not work. Eventually, you would start using the cards again and debt will increase — it would be deja vu, all over again.

Both of us were in the same state. Debts to pay and no income in sight. We only had each other to support while the rest of our ex-colleagues looked at us wondering how we would overcome this phase.

They were the luckier ones. Most were asked to stay on till the actual closing day of the company, duly compensated with a golden handshake. My friend and I were the only two that were the outcasts. Embarrassed? Yes, we were. Short changed? Yes, we felt that.

We both found solace in our prayers. Never felt closer to God. And that was the first time I learned the meaning of being thankful.

Generally, you would focus on what you do not have and hardly look at what you have and are thankful for. We were both like that until one day she said that she was glad that her cancer episode was over. She had just recovered from breast cancer when we were let go. I recovered back in 2015.

That was the beginning. Over the next few weeks, we kept reminding each other that there were many things that we should be thankful for rather than to focus on what we did not have.

At that time, apart from a job that paid sufficient salary, we had every other thing in our lives — good health, excellent basic comfort in terms of homes (mine was fully paid off, spacious and in an up-class neighborhood in the suburbs), she had her own bungalow in her family land, surrounded by beautiful greenery.

Both of us were mobile, we had our cars. Food was plentiful. She had her family support; I had my daughters and nine dogs to turn to. Eventually, we realised that we had a lot to thank God for.

Being thankful was like therapy. It could improve your mood in a jiffy. It was like when you were feeling absolutely bad and down, you take a moment to be thankful for every other thing that you had in life and slowly your mood changes for the better. It worked like a miracle for me.

It was as if the Universe was watching us to see whether we crumble in this test or emerge better people. I suppose we passed the test!

Believe it or not, like a miracle within the next 30 days, we had both secured a high paying job each and we could not be more thankful.

When I received my contract, I thanked God for His blessings. No other news could have been sweeter. It has been more than a year since that incident back in 2022 and every day both of us thank God for everything that comes our way — the good and the bad.

There was something we both realised after securing our jobs — we had closure from our old employer. Though we were let go unceremoniously, we reached closure and could move on with our lives. Some of our ex-colleagues were not so lucky. At the time of writing this, some were still struggling to find another job.

The icing on the cake was that my friend was confirmed in her job while my contract was renewed for another year. Dear God, I thank you. I could not have been more grateful.

A study reported by the University of California, Berkeley found that gratitude unshackles us from toxic emotions and is good for our mental health, with the benefits accruing over time.

The study where 300 participants were asked to write letters of gratitude for a specific period of time had the following observations:

“Most interestingly, when we compared those who wrote the gratitude letters with those who didn’t, the gratitude letter writers showed greater activation in the medial prefrontal cortex [the area associated with learning and decision making] when they experienced gratitude in the fMRI scanner.

This is striking as this effect was found three months after the letter writing began. This indicates that simply expressing gratitude may have lasting effects on the brain.”

So, the next time you are faced with some adversity, count your blessings and give thanks for all the other good things in your life. That will change your outlook and good things will likely start coming your way.

Reference https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain