imposter syndrome challenge

Thank You For Nothing

A conversation with my Imposter Syndrome

When I read Nikolaos Skordilis’s story and invitation to join the Imposter Syndrome challenge, I knew I could have lots of fun with it.

I opened a new Word document and I was ready to start typing, when a familiar presence made itself known.

Usually he’s not discreet, but today was an exception. I could sense him, lurking in the darkness of the corner next to my bookcase. Ignoring him seemed to work at first.

I must have typed three sentences, when he started coughing.

“What?” I said, still not looking at him.

“Nothing, I just choked on my saliva.”

“That’s a new record for you, I think. You waited long enough this time.”

“At that point I know that whatever you’re going to write is not good enough anyways, so why rush things? I take my sweet time, watching you.”

“Good. Now be quiet, please.”

“Always so polite.”

“Maybe you could try and learn some manners too!”

“What for? Manners won’t save either of us. We’re doomed, because you suck.”

“Meh… You could do better than that.”

“I know what it is! It’s that Medium thing, right? You got all those people who say you write good poetry? And stories? Hahahaha! As if!”

“Can you please not talk that fast? I’m trying to write down all the shit you say!”

“Okay, okay…”

He couldn’t stay quiet for more than a minute though. Laughing hard, he choked on his saliva again. “I got a new one!”

“A new what?”

“You’re like a bad imitation of Kafka’s and Rimbaud’s offspring..! Well, if they could have a child… Do you think they could?”

“Well, I don’t see why not… Although Kafka was straight, as far as we know.”

“Yes, you’re right… Still, it’s funny!”

“You’re the only one who’s laughing at those lame jokes.”

“Did you write it down though?”

“I did.”

“I don’t trust you, let me see.” He leaned over my shoulder, then took a step back and sat on the bed. “Of course, you can’t even write things the way I say them! I said ‘it’s so funny!’. Fix it.”

“Fuck off, I like it that way.”

“Ooooh, Mx. Bad Imitation is now using bad words! I said FIX IT!”

“No.”

“Well, if that’s how you wanna go about it… You gave me no choice.”

“Huh?”

“Do you remember when you presented at that conference? Everyone knew you were a fraud!”

“We’ve been through that already… And, please, don’t mess with my Hello Kitty blanket!”

“Oh! Oh! I know! I know! What kind of dark and mysterious goth poet has a Hello Kitty blanket? That’s right! A FAKE ONE!”

“Shit. What’s happening?”

“Nothing. You’re supposed to be sad now. Stop trying to refresh the page and pay attention to me.”

“Can you zip it for a second? Medium’s not working.”

“Well, it seems that your fake writing has broken the website!” He said, laughing hysterically.

“That’s enough. Now you left me no choice.”

“Yeah? What are you gonna do, Mx. Fake Darkness?… What’s that? Stop it now! If you hit the play button… Well, I’m gonna… bite… your blanket!”

“Do you wanna sing with me?”

“No.”

“Cool, then shut up because it’s time to… LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!”

Medium’s still down. Mr. Imposter Syndrome is currently crying his eyes out under my Hello Kitty blanket as I blast the song.

One, nothing wrong with me Two, nothing wrong with me Three, nothing wrong with me Four, nothing wrong with me One, something’s got to give Two, something’s got to give Three, something’s got to give now

Thanks once more to Nikolaos Skordilis for inviting me to this challenge, and to Jann Christoph von der Pütten for creating it!

You can also Join the Imposter Syndrome challenge!