Thank You, Church

For your love, concern, and hope

For the past five or six years, I’ve often felt like I was living on an island. Being a follower of Jesus in the American South hasn’t exactly been a walk in the park during this time.

The Trump years and a global pandemic ended up destroying the trust and respect I had for my church. Years ago, our family had put down roots there. We planned on it being our home. What we thought was a moderately conservative vibe felt mostly insulated from the cultural wars found in much of white American evangelicalism. I was told on more than one occasion that I was destined to be one of the church’s leaders.

But after 2016, it was like a switch flipped. Our church lurched toward the political right-wing. The “diversity of thought” and “diversity of generations” that our leaders often held up as a trophy of unity came under attack from within. Cultural conformity became the goal. My faith was openly questioned because we weren’t conservative. An elder tried to gaslight me into believing our marriage was in trouble, then he called me an idiot and refused to talk to me ever again.

With few places to turn, I started writing privately about these experiences in an attempt to figure out why this was happening. Looking back, this preserved my sanity even though I didn’t find many of the answers I was looking for. When the pandemic hit, the culture war over masks and lockdowns tore through the congregation like a wrecking ball. The 2020 election amplified the damage as moderates and liberals came under attack by a resurgent right-wing in the church.

In October 2020, I moved to write about these things publicly here on Medium. I wasn't seeking a lot of attention or even solutions, but I guessed that there were probably other people like me out there. I thought that if I could find just a few of them who were going through the same thing, I’d discover enough answers to start moving forward.

Then, something incredible happened

Since then, the global Church has sought us out, wrapped her arms around us, and lifted us back up.

I’ve lost count of the number of Christians from across the United States — and even quite a few elsewhere in the world — who contacted me and shared their own stories, often eerily similar to my own.

People I hadn’t seen since high school and donors at the nonprofit I work for reached out to tell me about their own struggles and offer their quiet support. And I was accepted into some national online networks for people who have been chewed up and spit out by the darker side of white American church culture.

What has caught me most off guard though is how many pastors have reached out and shared that they have similar frustrations as I do. A handful of them even took a piece I wrote about deconstruction and turned it into sermon series and study topics for small groups, addressing challenges in their own churches that they were finding difficult to overcome.

Our local church failed our family and many others, but the global Church stepped in to sustain and give us a way to serve others when we needed it.

More recently, our family has found a new, multiethnic church to call home. We feel encouraged by our diverse leaders, welcomed by new friends, and taken seriously in the community again.

Having a quiet space to heal and love our neighbors has been a breath of fresh air.

Thank you to those who reached out these past several months. Thank you to everyone here on Medium for reading my thoughts and sharing your own.

Thank you, my brothers and sisters. I will most likely never meet many of you face-to-face but thank you.

Thank you, Church. You were at your best when so many churches were not. Your love, concern, and hope are a debt I will never be able to repay.

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I explore faith and American church culture from Memphis, TN. Never miss an article by signing up for my free email newsletter or becoming a member. You can also subscribe to my podcast.