Live in the present — tick, tick, tick
TerminaLuv — Dating for the Terminally Ill
Eternal love is doable when your forever is a fortnight
TerminaLuv
Welcome to the first dating site for the terminally ill.
Just because your future is fucked, doesn’t mean you can’t be too. We’re the app designed for the soon-to-be deleted.
Succumb to love while you are succumbing to your disease.
Love and death are only a few heartbeats away
Tick! Tick! Tick!
Is that your heart or a clock?
Did I say tick_____ti______ti_______pft________fek_________pffff?
No?
Then, it doesn’t sound like your heart, does it?
Your soulmate is waiting. Like really waiting. Chop Chop! Clock’s-a-tickin’.
Show the real you
At TeminaLuv, you won’t compete with healthy, vibrant individuals and their vain, staged gym, hiking, and bragging-beach-legs selfies. Here, you can be your authentic self.
Them: posing at the beach You: posing with your IV drip
Them: in a gym You: at the radiation lab
Them: on a yacht You: on a recliner at the kidney dialysis center
“She said she could put up with me if it was only for six weeks. Yay, kidney failure!” -George
Award-winning algorithm
Our avant-garde algorithm dives deep into your terminal diagnosis, treatment plans, and life expectancy to craft the perfect match for your limited time on Earth.
Set your preferences: age, weight, height, race, prescription drugs, and, of course, life insurance policies. Our life expectancy feature ensures all your matches sync up with your timeline.
Take charge of your dating destiny!
Want a serious, long-term relationship? Select the box that says maximum (3–4 months).
Got a thing against vomiting, high mucus levels, or diarrhea? Do wheelchairs give you the willies? Colostomy bags invoke irrational fears of a scat attack? No judgment here; you decide what to exclude. The basic level provides three “dealbreakers” to shape your selection pool.
If meds are making you foggy, let lady luck be your guide. Try our Life Expectancy Roulette™ and roll the dice. It will match you with a handful of potential partners.
Two weeks to live? Dive in and find someone with the same prognosis. You can’t be too picky when your forever is a fortnight.
If the two of you have a couple of months and want to start slowly, with a single upgrade, you can try our Hospice Hangout. Our virtual reality chatroom lets you interact with compatible partners from the comfort of your bed-pan-comatose-friendly space. Where else can you ask “What are you wearing?” and be likely to get a chorus of “hospital gowns”?
Choose from filters that will give you hair, straighten your face droop, or glow up the patchwork of mottled hues you call a face.
Into the great wide open
We are a full-service niche dating site. Our customer service extends beyond the grave, ensuring you and your match are always connected, even in the great beyond.
Tired of being ghosted? Time to try being haunted. We have destination wedding-funeral packages at haunted houses where we provide the medium, allowing the living partner to stay connected.
Does navigating the liminal spectral borderland between life and death where identity blurs, self dissolves, and time becomes an elusive wraith seem a little daunting? We've got you covered!
We help the living partner overcome the everyday obstacles to communication in the ephemeral nether world:
- Disembodied voices whispering secrets amid the disorienting convergence of past, present, and future.
- Slithering unseen demons unfurling their bony tendrils into your essence to break your soul and own you like a sinister puppet master.
- Fleeting phantasm shadows reeking of unfulfilled desires and collapsed dreams, amplifying despair to fracture the fabric of your sanity.
If you’re the deceased partner, you don’t have to be alone on the ride of your life. Share selfies of you in your new jet black hoodie (shh, we won’t tell the Grim Reaper where you got it), on the River Styx cruise, and at Heaven’s Buffet, where they serve only kale and quinoa.
“I found out chemo takes out the carpet down there too. Now she’s hardwood. And I’m hard wood.” -Kris
“Our love was like a meteor. Fast, fiery, and gone way too soon.” -Sheila
Death invites desperation
We guarantee that you have interests in common with everyone at the site.
A ticking clock can be the best matchmaker. As expiration dates approach, compatibility blossoms.
Celebrate your shared urgency. Lower your standards — only for a few months — and experience a meteoric romance that burns bright and fleeting.
DISCLAIMER: TerminaLuv is not responsible for any emotional distress, existential crises, or sudden downturns in health that may result from using our service. No refunds.
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