Ten Seasoned Sayings From my Mother Which Guided my Life

If only she knew

My mother had the makings of a Victorian lady. Her skirts were not voluminous, but her attitudes and behavior suited that time.

She had nine children when she would have been happy with one. The demands of children and duties of a country pastor’s wife kept her housebound, but she enjoyed the outdoors.

Naturally, she made rules for us. I complied with them as life was easier. It was harder to view conduct through good or bad lenses. Even as a child, I was interested in the different colors of an argument.

When I was six years old, I was whipped at school for talking. My leg was badly bruised, and I went home convinced that my parents will confront the teacher. They were on good terms with the headteacher but I thought my bruised leg merited an intervention.

Truthfully, I admitted I was talking with my friends but stopped immediately the teacher demanded silence. The talking by others continued, and she whipped everyone in the direction of the sound.

My mother looked at my leg and for the only time in my school career, she criticized the teacher. “She was wrong to hit you after you had stopped talking but you need to choose better friends. Avoid sitting with people who will get you in trouble.”

If my parents talked to the teacher, they never told me. I disappointed my classmates who expected parental fireworks when I returned to school.

My mother taught me my first enduring lesson. Harsh, maybe, but throughout my life, friends never led me to a bad place. I’d get there on my own.

She had other sayings that underpinned my life.

1. Never judge people by how they look

You never know who they really are. She did not allow beggars in the house when she was alone, but she will prepare a tray beautifully laid with linen to offer food to the homeless person. She told us fanciful stories of who they were or might be still.

2. You can always help somebody

At ten years old, she sent me to clean for an old lady every Saturday; She warned me to refuse any reward because God is pleased with kindness.

The lady was old, poor, and without family close by. She could not afford paid help, although she once offered me money. I refused with a broad smile, mimicking my mother: “It was a pleasure.” In fact, it was a chore that made me happy once completed.

Yet giving back to others is now some of the happiest and fulfilling activities of my life.

3. If you make yourself grass, a horse will eat you.

My mother meant that if I don’t respect myself by maintaining certain standards of behavior; then I can’t expect people to respect me. During my teenage years, she said it often.

4. If you don’t want to get muddy, don’t get in the pigpen.

This is another warning to avoid shady people, inappropriate relationships, or compromising situations.

5. When you go on a date, keep $5.00 in your purse.

Inflation makes the amount of money much higher now, but the principle remains. If things turn sour on a date, have enough money to get home.

I never took this saying seriously, but did it reflexively because she said it so often. On a cold night in an unfamiliar part of London, it allowed me to escape from an unsavory situation. It was a long trip home, but I kept my virtue.

6. Marry a man who loves you more than you love them.

The truth is, my mother did and so did I. It just happened.

7. Pay attention to how your boyfriend treats his mother and his sisters.

He is not in lust with them. If he does not treat them with respect and affection, how would he treat you when difficulties arise? I add to this list ex-girlfriends and ex-wives who are sharing with him, he should continue to respect.

8. Your secret is only safe with friends as long as the friendship lasts.

Take care of your secrets. Can you bear the consequences if they spill it?

9. Put your face on when you leave the house.

This was her adaptation of “Smile and the world smiles with you”. You should not wear your troubles for others to see. They can’t help and you might make them uncomfortable. She promoted a stiff upper lip as she encouraged everyone in the words of her favorite hymn, “To take the name of Jesus with you.”

10. Life isn’t fair

When my mother told me to change my friends after she saw the red welts on my leg, she made a comment. To alert us when she was serious, she spoke in stern tones, slightly raised, accompanied by a wagging finger. But this time, she gently said: “Life isn’t fair”.

Being beaten because of my friends was unfair. But we frustrated the teacher, whose lesson was disrupted because of the chattering. At six, my mom was asking me to empathize with a grownup. Fortunately, she did not ask me to forgive the teacher then.

However, those words, casually spoken, pierced my sense of grievance. Somehow, they stayed with me throughout my life, and give me a maxim to interpret tough conditions.

I ignored the other sayings of my childhood and teenage years. Little did I know they buried themselves in my subconscious, guiding my actions to keep me safe.