MENTAL HEALTH

Ten Pathways to Improve Your Mental Health

What’s in your toolbox?

When I considered my life’s path, becoming a carpenter or a construction worker was never an option. I didn’t see myself as a hands-on gal — although I was artistic. Yet still, with little use for a hammer or nails, I’ve recently discovered that metaphorically, I’ve created a toolbox for maintaining my mental health. This was good news. So, for those of you who struggle with anxiety, mental illness or emotional hardship in your life, this article is for you.

Here is a list of ten tools I use to keep my mind healthy.

1. Learn To Say No

Many of us have grown up feeling that saying no is rude or is an objectionable act. This can lead to feelings of being overburdened when we agree to things we think we can’t do. Self-care must set boundaries. It’s important to know when to be agreeable and when it’s not serving your mental health.

When I first stopped being a “yes-woman” and said no, I felt selfish. Acts of refusal added to my feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem. I wondered who am I to deny someone else of their needs and to put mine above theirs?

But then, I remembered. In the words of Dr. Phil, “You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.”

2. Take Time For Yourself

It’s difficult for us to take a breather and sit back. We feel if we stop, we’ll fall further behind — until our mental health wanes and forces us to slow down. But, it’s best not to wait to get to this point.

There’s nothing wrong with carving out time for yourself. This self-care technique can look like engaging in a hobby or simply reading in a bath. Commit to nurturing all that is you. Be sure to make personal dates with yourself.

Then, when you make plans to be with others, you are fully engaged.

3. Step Outside of Yourself and Help Others

Focusing inward all the time can give you tunnel vision, and your problems can take a nasty turn. Sometimes, they will seem impossible to solve. Helping others gets you outside of yourself and enables you to gain a new perspective.

When I began reaching out, I felt worthy and appreciated. However, when others couldn’t rely on me — they thought they had to walk on eggshells — it intensified my guilt and shame.

When I put myself in others’ shoes, I drew inner strength I didn’t know I had. Then, when I revisited my problems after that, I viewed them with greater confidence, seeing each angle from many sides.

4. Be as Compassionate to Yourself as You Would Be to Others

I am often hard on myself — perhaps, one could say, I’ve even been downright cruel. I’ve spoken to myself in ways I would never talk to anyone else. So, why the self putdowns?

The next time you hear yourself chastising yourself, ask what you would say to a friend or a stranger experiencing the same circumstance? Be as gentle as you would be to anyone else. You deserve the same respect and love. Don’t be your worst enemy.

With self-sabotage, “Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts” — Buddha.

5. Recognize it’s Not All Mental Health

It’s hard to recognize normalcy when dealing with issues affecting your mental health — particularly with mental illness. Suddenly, you blame everything on your skewed perception, and you don’t realize that your feelings and reactions are sometimes justified.

In the past, when I felt sad, I also felt ashamed, and when I felt angry, I felt guilty. The reasons stemmed from setting myself apart from everyone else. I didn’t stop to consider how others would react in the same situation. I couldn’t fathom that my feelings were “normal” reactions to circumstances beyond my control — which made me feel out of control — and yes, crazy.

It’s essential to recognize that not everything is mental health, even if you battle with issues. Give yourself a break and ask yourself how others would react. You often will surprise yourself to learn that you’re more ordinary and mentally healthy than you think.

6. Surround Yourself With Like-minded People

There’s something about immersing yourself with others who suffer from mental health concerns when you’re dealing with your own. There’s an unspoken language that not everybody understands. So many times when I’ve been in crisis, I’ve tried to talk with others, and at first, they show empathy, but then it derails, and suddenly, I’m left floundering.

I thrive best when others put themselves in my position and share in my experience. Those who don’t understand but try to empathize unknowingly often miss the mark. They preach, insist they know what’s best for me, or at the very least — they feel sorry for me — none of which is helpful.

When in need of emotional support, consider immersing yourself around others with “lived experience.” Then, the conversation will flow naturally — support will not feel forced.

7. It’s Alright, Enjoy That Comfort Food

People who deal with emotional setbacks may need to be careful with their weight because of emotional eating and medication side effects. If this becomes a health issue, it’s essential to take notice.

But to make my point, I’m speaking about allowing yourself the freedom to indulge in foods and activities that bring you comfort without making yourself feel guilty. Most of us are aware of the movie scenes of a woman eating a tub of ice cream after a break-up. We all do it, but it’s important not to scold yourself, so the behaviour adds to your stress.

Now and again, give yourself the freedom to pamper yourself and indulge in lawful things that make you feel good. Your mental health will thank you for it.

8. Write to Your Heart’s Content

We all know you don’t have to be a professional writer to put your thoughts down on paper. Embrace your right to write — everyone is a creator. Jotting your feelings on paper helps release stress, enabling you to form feelings into words.

If you fear others will read your words, consider burning or erasing them. Then again, think twice. Keep it. You’ll want to re-read it to see where you’ve been and to recognize how much you’ve grown.

9. Recognize You’re Not Alone — We’re All Crazy

I joined a class for mindful living, and one of the first things the trainer stated was that all of us were crazy*. There was comfort in her words. I went from feeling like an outsider to enjoying feelings of camaraderie and pride. It was okay to be crazy if everyone else was, and I believed she was right. Everyone has demons in their closet — weird thoughts and reactions that set us apart, and strangely, these demons also bring us together.

When we set ourselves out on a limb and teeter unbalanced, we are not alone. Many others are struggling too. And it’s best to recognize that we will overcome, while others will then falter. There’s a yin and yang among us. We don’t stay in the same place, although it feels like our struggles will never end. Embracing the craziness in all of us goes a long way toward accepting who we are.

10. Do Yourself a Favour, Create a Vision

When we deal with mental health issues, whether clinical or situational, it is hard to see in front of us. We can become so internalized that the future doesn’t exist. Consider creating a vision for yourself. It doesn’t have to be attainable now — just something that’s meaningful and gives you warm fuzzies when you think about it.

Let someone else know, so if there comes a time you feel low and can’t picture achieving your vision, they can hold it for you. Let someone else make sure you don’t give up on your hopes and dreams for the long haul.

When we feel low or crushed, there is often an ebb and flow of emotion. However, we are not stagnant, although it can feel like we are. Our vision helps us check ourselves to keep our feet planted in the present while looking toward the future.

We all deserve to dream. We all deserve to feel joy.

The Takeaway

Managing emotional difficulties can be challenging. Having a tool kit to aid you is an excellent way to access healthier methods of living when clear thinking may be tricky.

These tools are in my toolbox, aiding me in the maintenance of my emotional well-being. What’s in your tool kit?

*Note: I have used the word crazy, which some readers may find offensive. I apologize if you do. However, I embrace the term, so I use it. Words have different meanings for different people, and this word is meaningful to me in a way that no other word would do. Besides, it’s the class leader’s word, so I’m using it to stay authentic.

This article was inspired by Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她) and her writing prompt, “reflect on what’s in your anxiety toolbox.” I took her prompt a step further and revealed my toolbox contents for all mental health issues. I hope Lucy and others find this article helpful.

To learn more about my experience with mental illness, you can read about it here. This is a true story.

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