DILLON ON FILM
Ten Movie Title Mashups
A smidgen of celluloid silliness to get you giggling
Recently, whilst stuck in a traffic jam, my mind dealt with the boredom by attempting to come up with unlikely fusions of film titles, wondering at the narrative absurdity that would result. You’ve doubtless seen lists of this kind before online. Indeed, certain titles are notorious. “Brokeback to the Future” leaps to mind. But as I pondered this, I realised the latter is a bit of a cheat, as it fails to include the word “Mountain” in its title fusion.
With my list of ten, I’ve given myself the following rules: 1) Try to pair unlikely films. There’s little humour in marrying sci-fi with sci-fi, or action thrillers with action thrillers, for instance. So “Live and Let Die Hard” doesn’t really work. 2) All words within the title of both films must appear, ideally in the correct order. That means titles like “Brief Encounters of the Third Kind” aren’t allowed because the word “Close” is omitted. The best examples are where the last word in one title is shared with the first word in the second, though I have permitted some exceptions to this if I consider it sufficiently amusing.
On with the list, and with the bizarre premises that suggest themselves.
It’s a Wonderful Life of Brian
In First Century Judea, poor Brian has his life’s ambitions constantly thwarted by the needs of those in his hometown, and his inability to put aside his pathological Good Samaritan tendencies. Matters are complicated when he is mistaken for the Messiah, driving Brian to the brink of suicide. But good old angel Clarence shows him what his life would have been like if he hadn’t been mistaken for the Messiah, showing it doesn’t matter because he has friends, and to always look on the bright side of life.
From Russia with Love Actually
James Bond’s Christmas Cold War assignment to Istanbul overlaps with several romantic narratives. For example, the love triangle between the gypsy chief’s son and the women fighting over him is explored in detail, Ali Kerim Bay’s affair with the woman who is nearly killed in the bomb is also told in full, and flashbacks show Blofeld getting it on with Rosa Klebb (during her teenage years, when she was in denial and still in the closet). A heartwarming seasonal favourite.
Singin’ in the Rain Man
A silent-era Hollywood actor reaches a challenging point in his career, with both the coming of sound and the discovery that he has a long-lost autistic savant brother. The pair undertake a road trip, in which they bond whilst constantly bursting into memorable song set pieces. Eventually, they star in a talking picture that’s a major success.
Everything Everywhere All At Once Upon a Time in the West
An elegiac, melancholy tale of the end of the Old West, involving a railway tycoon, a murderer, an outlaw, a former prostitute, and a mysterious man with a harmonica is complicated when the latter keeps crossing to parallel universes. Eventually, he winds up as a rock, unable to play the harmonica, and equally unable to exact the vengeance he seeks on another rock. They discuss existential nihilism instead.
The Sixth Sense and Sensibility
Elinor and Marianne Dashwood are sisters living in the west country, looking for marriage suitors. But Marianne can see dead people, and one of her suitors, John Willoughby, turns out to be a ghost. Nonetheless, she still pines for him, ignoring the kind attentions of Colonel Brandon, who isn’t dead.
Dirty Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Clint Eastwood stars as Harry Potter, who in this story acquires the Elder Wand and winds up backing Voldemort into a corner during the Battle of Hogwarts. He then delivers this famous speech:
“You’re thinking ‘Did he fire six Avada Kedavra spells or only five?’ Now to tell you the truth, I’ve forgotten myself in all this excitement. But being this is the Elder Wand, one of the Deathly Hallows, the most powerful wand in the world, and will blow your head clean off, you’ve gotta ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?”
The John Wicker Man
When devoutly Christian policeman John Wick visits a remote Scottish island in search of a missing girl, he discovers a pagan society up to all manner of dodgy shenanigans. After his dog is murdered, mayhem ensues, as Wick takes the pagans down in a series of brutally violent set pieces involving hand-to-hand combat, gunfights, and vehicular chases. The scene in which the pagans try to immolate Wick in a ritual sacrifice, only to find themselves on the wrong end of a machine gun whilst they sing Sumer Is A-cumen In is a stand-out.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being John Malkovich
The romantic and sexual passions of Tomas, Tereza, and Sabina, set against the devastating backdrop of the Prague Spring, are complicated by their discovery of a portal into John Malkovich’s brain. Malkovich is temporarily possessed, before the possessor is ejected onto the New Jersey Turnpike. All three try to possess Malkovich to raise awareness concerning the communist occupation.
Three Men and a Rosemary’s Baby
Three bachelors find their carefree lifestyle disrupted by a baby abandoned on their doorstep. Unfortunately, it happens to be the son of Satan. Much hilarity ensues, often involving demonic dirty diapers, but the men find they can calm the baby by reading lengthy Latin extracts of satanic summoning rituals at bedtime.
The Magnificent Se7en
A group of gunfighters defend poor Mexican villagers from marauding bandits, one of whom happens to be a serial killer murdering his victims in the manner of the seven deadly sins. A deeply disturbing and unsettling watch. (This one is cheating a bit, as it’s more a visual joke, given how David Fincher’s serial killer thriller title Se7en appears onscreen.)
What about you? Any amusing title fusion suggestions? Let me know in the comments, but please apply the rules used in my introduction, ie pair unlikely films, and all words in both titles must appear.
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