Ted ‘Little Squirt’ Hanratty

Forgotten Stars of the Victorian Music Halls #81

Ted Hanratty rose to brief and ultimately destructive fame in 1872 after being discovered by the legendary impresario Tim Presario playing for a farthing a show in the basement of a brothel in Shadwell.

Tim immediately gave him a spot on the bill of the Mill Hill Vaudeville, making Ted at once the most successful, and most hated, ventriloquist in Britain.

Ted’s gimmick was to never reveal that he was a vent. Using his abnormally slight frame to his advantage, he disguised himself as a dining chair, leaving the doll to take centre stage. It appeared to a rowdy audience, therefore, that a small boy was playing the accordion, badly.

The doll itself was a (limited) triumph of ingenuity. A simple scissor system built into its chest allowed Ted to operate the bellows of the accordion, while his other hand worked the doll’s hinged jaw and swivelling eyes. Unfortunately, that left Ted with no means of utilising the accordion’s buttons or keyboard, which meant the ‘boy’ could only play one chord — D minor — repeatedly, while Ted sang ‘Goiled Geef and Carrots.’ These performances were inevitably greeted with good-hearted abuse and threats of violence.

Ted only played fourteen shows at Mill Hill before his untimely death in a freak stacking accident. The cleaner responsible was fired.

Ted’s doll survived his death, and is currently exhibited at the International Music Hall Museum, ironically located in the basement of a brothel in Shadwell. The doll is erroneously labelled as ‘Little Squirt’, which was actually the name Ted gave his accordion. The accordion itself was stolen, and assumed destroyed.