Summary

A writer recounts their personal journey of learning woodworking, inspired by a childhood wish for a toolset, and reflects on their mother's feminist influence and societal gender biases.

Abstract

The author shares a deeply personal narrative about fulfilling a childhood dream of owning a toolset and learning woodworking, a dream that was unfulfilled when they were six years old. The story unfolds with the writer's mother, a feminist, not initially recognizing her child's desire for a toolset, instead of the expected doll. As the writer grows, they confront gender biases in home renovation and embrace their identity, with their mother's support evolving over time. The journey leads to the writer independently learning woodworking skills, building various items, and ultimately constructing a desk and little free libraries, all while navigating physical limitations and embracing their queer identity. The writer emphasizes that woodworking is not defined by gender or sexual orientation but by passion, skill, and the joy of creation.

Opinions

The writer believes that anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, can engage in woodworking and use tools effectively.
They express a sense of disappointment and gender bias from their childhood experience with Santa not bringing the desired toolset.
The writer's mother, despite being a feminist, initially had biases that influenced her gift choices, but she also demonstrated a willingness to change and support her child's interests.
The writer reflects on an incident at Home Depot as an example of the sexism that persists in the perception of who can undertake home renovation projects.
They advocate for the importance of learning and self-sufficiency, as evidenced by their proactive approach to acquiring new skills and tools.
The writer values the transformation of emotions, such as anger, into constructive projects, like building a cage and later more complex items.
They acknowledge the joy and satisfaction derived from woodworking, despite the challenges and mistakes made during

DIY

Teaching Myself Woodworking: A Dream 40 Years in the Making

I finally got the toolset of my dreams

When I was six years old, I asked Santa to bring me two big things from the Toys ‘R Us catalogue: the curly haired doll with full matching wardrobe that folded into a carrying case and the plastic toolset with pretend hammer, drill, and saw.

Santa brought me the doll.

Santa also brought me other toys, things I probably had wanted and maybe even enjoyed, but I don’t remember what they were. I probably even had fun with those toys. I don’t think I was an unappreciative kid — but I do remember the disappointment.

For some reason, Santa hadn’t brought me the toolset.

Years later, I asked my mom why she didn’t buy the toolset for me, and she laughed it off, said she didn’t even remember me wanting it. The thing is, she was a feminist and an outspoken and liberated woman at that. She supported me, no matter what.

A telling example: when I was 25, I decided to renovate my mom’s bathroom floors. I had zero experience in home construction, but I had a book and the internet and my dad’s old tools.

All by myself, I pulled out the toilet, ripped up the floors and bought tiles and grout, and headed to Home Depot with my mom to buy whatever other tools and materials I needed.

When we asked a worker for the location of a particular tool, he looked me up and down and responded, “You’re telling me that YOU are renovating your bathroom? All by yourself?”

It was clearly a sexist remark. I was stunned but my mom did not miss a beat. She shot back — and quite loudly if I may add — “I DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED A PENIS TO RENOVATE A BATHROOM!”

That shut him up.

But she still had her biases — as exemplified by the gift of the doll but not the toolset, or her resistance to buying me Docs when I was in the sixth grade.

(“They’ll say your mom wears combat boots,” she said — an outdated, homophobic reference from her generation that meant nothing to me.)

For whatever reason, she was scared of my attraction to women, and she thought she could control it. She died before I could come out to her as bi+. I can only imagine that she’d have loved me and accepted me no matter what, despite her biases.

(Also, by the way, she DID eventually buy me the Docs, another telling example, I hope, of her willingness to change her mind.)

Last year, I finally got my toolset. I dug out my dad’s old tools and also bought myself a new drill and saw along with other essentials like a real gas mask for painting and a sander and more.

And with it, I taught myself woodworking, like for real.

Here’s the thing: You don’t need a penis or a vulva or any particular genitalia or attraction to other people in order to use a toolset. You just need tools, some muscle, careful attention to safety, and — in my case, at least — videos on YouTube.

It started because the raccoons obliterated my winter seedlings. I was so angry. So very, very angry. But the wisdom of getting older means that I’ve learned how to transform my rage.

I set out to build a cage. But in order to do that, I needed to learn how to drill. I started small:

My first creation: a phone holder, kind of.

Once I practiced with the drill, I moved onto the cage itself:

At first, I was working with one drill — to both drill the pilot hole and attach the screw. I realized I would need two drills, so I borrowed one from my bff’s husband. (He ended up giving it to me permanently as a gift.)

Once I got going on drilling pieces together, I was hooked. The cage was complete, but I wanted to try something more difficult. I found a video that guided me to build a bench.

I originally had the 1x2s cut by the workers at the local hardware store. Soon I realized that it would be easier if I knew how to cut with a saw. But first, I needed a saw.

So I bought one.

And then, I built a bench!

Full disclosure: I messed up…a lot:

But I was having fun.

And then, I don’t know what got into me, but I decided that the next thing I would build would be a desk. So I did:

Thereafter, I built two little free libraries out of reclaimed drawer that I got from Free Stuff Alerts.

This project required that I learn how to work with plexiglass, a skill I have yet to master.

With the return to “normal” last fall and my subsequent hip and back injury, I haven’t been able to get outside to play with my toolset, but I have the materials — and the desire — to build more. I’m finally feeling stronger again in my body — not totally pain free, but strong enough to give it a try.

I waited forty years to learn these skills. I’m not stopping now.

E. Katherine Kottaras the writer, voice, and co-creator of Yoga with Eleonora on PillowFortTV and the co-writer with Vanitha Swaminathan of the forthcoming picture book, A RAINBOW INSIDE MY BODY, illustrated by Holly Hatam (Viking 2024). She holds an M.A. in English and an M.S. in Kinesiology with a focus on Integrative Wellness, and she is a contemplative writer and holistic teacher, having worked at the K-12 and community college levels for over two decades. She is a yoga teacher, personal trainer, and health coach while also living with invisible illnesses and neurodivergence, and as such, she is passionate about mindfulness, bodily self-determination, and health equity. As the queer daughter of an immigrant, Katherine believes that holistic and inclusive approaches to expression, healing, and growth should be accessible to all.

Connect with Katherine on all the social medias: IG, YouTube, FB, LinkedIn, Twitter, or at katherinekottaras.com.

Check out Katherine’s new series, Yoga with Eleonora on YouTube, which helps kids of all ages calm their minds and bodies so they can respond to and communicate their feelings in healthy ways.

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