Teaching Family Traditions To My Child Meant A Lot To Me
Because a family that creates memories together stays together
Times have certainly changed. I come from a generation in which the families used to be big and everyone in the town believed in living in connected communities. Catching with cousins used to happen on a monthly basis. Obviously, the mothers in those generations have done an enormous amount of work.
But believe it or not, the social boundary where everybody knew everybody came with its own pros and cons. Today, decades later, most of us live in a cosmopolitan urban setup. Though we all try to choose our work cities in a way that takes us the least amount of time to reach our hometown. But with increasing work hours and out of work commitments, how many of us really take that flight home regularly?
Well, there’s nothing anyone should feel ashamed of on this topic. Honestly, many of us have already set up our new homes in towns that have, in a way has created a void in our hearts. The growing career has made us digital nomads in a way. Interestingly, according to data from the U.S. Census Bureau, the average person in the United States moves residences over 11 times in his or her lifetime. Though every time a new place surely brings an opportunity of creating fresh memories. But this might really not be in favour of those who miss being with their friends and relatives from the inner circle.
With long-distance family and friends today, the need to socialise for urban couples has become a necessity more than just a recreation. It’s an important factor that can easily affect a person’s mental health. The competitive world and hectic work schedules sometimes do not even leave any space for lucrative family time. Most of us feel the burden of not passing the traditional knowledge to the younger generation in which our parents had raised us.
The lesser the connect the tougher is the road to self-belief. With this emotional burnout, the parenting guilt in the lives of young parents is a common factor that causes stress. So the question is, how should modern urban families deal with this giant emotional bubble.
With increasing emphasis on observational learning in a child’s early development years, it becomes of prime importance that the parents do what they want their child to follow. Children learn the subtle art of observation and imitation from early childhood days. Hence, exposure to positive influences and rich cultural traditions can affect how children build values, language, belief systems, and an understanding of themselves as individuals and as members of society even after they grow up as adults.
Today, in 2021, after eight years of marriage and after changing five towns in different states of India, I feel that my home is where my heart is. To crave for something that financially isn’t workable for the family is a question of no debate. When I became a mother two years back, I had struggled in creating the festivity environment that my husband’s mom or my mom used to create for us during our childhood days. But had if I would have remained in that zone forever, probably I would have missed some beautiful family memories.
A family that celebrates different occasions together (virtually or physically) stays together through those precious memories
So here are a few tips modern couples can definitely try, which could help them in bringing their cultural zen back at home.
- Plan your month systematically beforehand
Being a working mother; creating a cohesive calendar that compliments the traditional dates of festivities and office deliverables had helped me in achieving the absolute wheel of success. All the Hindu traditions that run in our family had always brought immense joy and happiness to my husband and me while we were growing up.
From doing meal preparations for days of fasting to creating versions of the Diwali shopping list has been my kind of traditional-urban family management technique. Yes, I have prepared excel sheets for dates on which I need to order sweets, send gifts, cakes and even birthday presents to our loved ones.
We need extra efforts in this modern-day living to stay in touch.
It’s not that our previous generations had gotten anything with ease. Even a small token of holiday card sometimes shows the gesture that, though you are staying distance apart but still in need, you are just a call away. And personally, I want my child to learn the art of doing things for his loved ones with full dedication.
2. Communication is the key
With the amalgamation of different cultures in today’s families, there are many opportunities for parents to teach their children how to respect different traditions. There could be some rigid beliefs that you might want to let go of. But asking the grandparents and elders in the family would do no harm, right?
Don’t think from the angle where they would judge you instead, most of the senior people feel immensely happy if they can pass on their knowledge. Yes, they would have done things in their own style because things were different back then. Try following things with few tweaks here and there that suit you.
From morning chants to evening temple visits—everything must first feel at ease for the family. Personally, I talk it out with elders well in advance. We discuss and close all the doable and non-doable stuff. This pre-festive discussion also elevates our family’s level of preparedness for the occasion.
3. Take part in neighbourhood
Being an active participant in the area you live in requires lots and lots of guts. With the pandemic, we all are aware of how the isolated living had created mental distress in many homes. From months of standing alone in the balcony and waiting to go outdoors had been a journey that I can’t express in words. Now, after due vaccinations and maintaining social distancing with masks, my family never misses a chance to hang out with neighbours. Even virtually, we had never missed a chance to not stay active in community cultural online gatherings.
Getting to know your neighbours well is the key to happiness when you are staying miles away from your loved ones. Even if you are a tenant and you live in rented accommodation, don’t confine yourselves and your family to just the four walls of your apartment. Create a strong outer circle on whom you can trust upon in times of need is what we all need to respect when we are staying away from our families.
Staying connected has made me discover my happier version
From the above pointers, some tricks worked for me well. I think I am still in that learning phase where I am just open to seeing what works for my family. Clearly, I don’t want to overexert but that extra effort has made me feel good!
At present, I am in a better zone than where I was in the past.
Well, the idea is to believe in having a home away from home. Because in whichever city your job takes you, your family values should not stop growing. The habit of cultivating the knowledge of your culture gets passed to the younger generation only if, as a parent and caregiver, you follow it by heart. The day you feel that it’s impossible to find the right balance, then talk to your partner about it. Believe it or not, but Parents’ cultural influences affect a child’s behaviour. A family’s cultural values create a powerful impact on a child’s development.
Let your child ask the questions and give them enough opportunities to ask about issues in and around their surroundings. The more they explore, the more they will feel comfortable in accepting new things. The religious traditions and social customs cross a fine line of acceptance and rejection in every family. It’s all up to the parents and caregivers where they want to land their flight of values and traditions!
However far your career takes you, create a home where you find your comfort and bring in your culture with all the pride!