Teachers and Mentors

So many moments in our lives are learning opportunities, I’m grateful for good guidance

I had a few teachers at school who I liked, mainly because they taught a subject I enjoyed or did well at. A few I couldn’t get along with too. Some were just sour and strict in their demeanour while with others, I suspect the trouble was a personality clash.

The teachers to whom I owe the greatest debt are those who instilled and nurtured my love of reading, because much of what I’ve learned in life comes from books.

Text books, yes these have obviously played a part, but I’m talking about fiction. Getting inside someone’s head, or walking in someone else’s shoes is my favourite way to learn things — and books provide that opportunity.

So I am grateful to my form teacher (the year I turned 7), who read to us on Friday afternoons. She introduced me to Clever Polly and the Stupid Wolf and the concept of book reviews. Thanks also go to my headmistress. She invited a class at a time into her study where we sat on the floor while she read, by instalments, longer books: Little Katia and Watership Down. My secondary school English teacher had a daft manner and quirky dress sense but she effectively shared her passion for Dickens while neutralising my fear of the older language used in Shakespeare and Chaucer. Later I had a young teacher whose outlook was as refreshing as her enthusiasm was contagious.

My parents were my first teachers. As I grew up they taught me many things: to tell the time, to cook, identify birds and flowers, to save money, to sew. I needed their guidance on my interactions with the world: conflict management, sportsmanship (losing with grace), manners, patience, perseverance, punctuality. They set an example of a good work ethic, how to live together harmoniously and behave in a respectful, loving way to each other. My parents encouraged us to do things as a family, also giving us our own space to play, follow hobbies or read.

Nowadays, the coin has flipped; my adult children teach me, although naturally it started the other way round!

The world is evolving into a different place than when I grew up, so I’m grateful for their help navigating technology (phones, apps and computers). Attitudes are constantly changing regarding tolerance in social interaction and etiquette. Younger generations are much more woke than mine, so communication with my kids goes a long way to keeping me up to speed.

On the topic of adult relationships and sex my steepest learning curve was with my third partner. (I was probably just a notch on the bedpost for the first two). We learned things together. We took time getting to know: what we liked, each other’s bodies, which additional items were more fun. During our time together I read sexy books and men’s magazines which fuelled my fantasies and taught me what other folk did to get off, we had fun experimenting with what I learned.

Once I met my husband, my sexual education continued, taking off on a kink tangent during my perimenopause when I began to read erotica on-line. This led to me purchasing more adult items and beginning my blog. Following other bloggers on-line piqued my curiosity. I was fascinated by the (new to me) toys they reviewed, kinks they shared and their honest depictions of scenes including corporal punishment, bondage and the necessary aftercare.

Through sex blogs I was invited to learn about sexuality and mindsets which differ from mine, lives and experiences were spread out generously for my education, enabling me to observe and understand what they meant to them.

My own skills of expression have improved since I began back in 2016 with my first story Act of Vandalism, an up-dated version of which is in Breaking Limits — an Anthology About Strong Women Letting Go.

I uphold the advice that the best way to improve your writing is to keep doing it, challenging yourself with different word limits, writing to a prompt, following a style. The downside is that without feedback, a writer could keep making the same mistakes. Some teachers in this discipline have been the readers who leave comments, sharing honest opinions and constructive criticism. A few of these readers are also friends who I trust and have elevated to the beta readers — they help me improve stories that didn’t end right, need polish, pointing out where additional or less content is required. It’s a delicate balance of straight talk and encouragement, critiquing while staying mindful of my own writing voice.

I sometimes have more official editors, people prepared to publish my writing, but who obviously want to get the best out of me. I welcome their comments in my margins because such advice is gold. I often marvel at how much my writing is improved by the hints and tips they share regarding the construction of my prose or tweaks to my plotting. The added advantage is that their wise counsel can be ploughed into my future writing.

Shout out to my editorial and beta reading influencers : May More Liz BlackX Eve Taylor Nero J. Black Vlad Lioncourt Elliott Henry Mrs. K Tabitha Rayne Jayne Renault Rose MyErotica