Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and leading by example to influence how colleagues treat you in the workplace.

Abstract

The article discusses the responsibility individuals have in shaping how they are treated at work. It suggests that while one cannot control others' moods, one can teach others how to interact with them through their responses. An example is given of a director who used aggression to manage, which created a toxic environment, and how a new employee's calm and assertive response changed the director's behavior towards them. The article also touches on the importance of clear communication in leadership roles, the impact of a leader's behavior on team habits, and the necessity of self-awareness and objectivity in managing a team. It concludes by stressing that our reactions to others' actions at work determine how we are treated and that understanding personal challenges of team members can lead to better management and team dynamics.

Opinions

The author believes that people's behavior in the workplace is a reflection of what individuals allow and that setting clear expectations is key to being treated with respect.
The article conveys the opinion that emotional outbursts are not an effective management tool and that a rational, fact-based approach is more conducive to productive team interactions.
It is suggested that leaders should not only focus on work performance but also show empathy and understanding towards their team members' personal lives to foster a positive work environment.
The author posits that self-awareness and the ability to accept and act on feedback are crucial for effective leadership.
The article implies that personality biases should be set aside in favor of objective assessments of team members' contributions and needs.
It

Teach Work Colleagues How To Treat You

How people treat you in your workplace is your responsibility.

Does that mean you dictate their moods and mental state? Well, yes and no.

If we want to make our boss mad on purpose, we can purposefully do crappy work, and that will dictate that our boss’s mental state will not be welcoming.

But when factors outside of our control drive their mental state, it is then we teach them how to interact with us.

We teach people how to treat us through how we respond to their words and actions.

I’m the Boss and don’t you forget it!

I recall this mean director employed at a company I worked for. He would swear at people in meetings and insult them personally.

I was new to the company, and he tried that same tactic on me. I held my composure and said that he was far too emotional to be making rational decisions and that I would speak to him when he was in a more rational frame of mind.

The silence in the boardroom that day was deafening, and he asked to see me in his office after the meeting. I met with him after the meeting, and one-on-one he was a completely different character.

The person in the boardroom was just an act. He believed that was the only way he could get any action out of the team.

You see, some of them had been at that company for 20 years and he complained they had become too thick-skinned, so he had to become more and more threatening in his rhetoric.

I know why they had become thick-skinned. He had made them that way, and only the thick-skinned had survived his management style. He had created the monsters he was trying to slay.

2 weeks, 2 years, or 20 years

They had a saying at that company: you stay 2 weeks, 2 years, or 20 years. I stayed 2 years, learned what I could, and left for a better position with one of their suppliers. The culture was not to my liking.

However, all the time I was there, he never shouted and threw tantrums when dealing with me because I was adamant we could talk rationally like adults.

I let him know his emotional outbursts were not something that I would accept. The rest of the team? Well, they carried on being treated like some abused stepchild.

Taking on managerial roles

In leadership roles, it is important to clarify what your team can expect from you and what standard you are looking for.

Always give your team clear objectives and performance standards and let them know how you will measure their performance.

I never get emotional, but stick to the facts, highlighting what I call areas of concern, and applauding areas of achievement.

They model their habits around what you allow

If you allow people to be late for your meetings, they will always be late. If you allow people to swear in your presence, then they always will.

If you allow your superior to dictate working hours and responsibilities that go way over your pay grade, then they will continue to expect more from you without offering you anything for your increased work pressures.

Don’t allow other people’s moods to set your mood or tone. Remain positive and be solution-oriented, rather than emotionally driven, by other people’s outbursts. Even if that other person is your boss.

Self-awareness:

Do not have any blind spots of your own. Assess yourself and your behaviors, and get feedback from your team about how they see your leadership style.

Check your body language. Remember that nonverbal communication can be more telling than what is being said.

Perhaps, similar to my boss mentioned above, you are creating your own ‘monsters’.

We are human after all and we will not like all the people in our team the same, and some will need more attention than others, and it’s usually the ones that you don’t get on with that require more attention.

Part of being a leader is knowing how to deal with various cultural and social norms.

Be as objective as possible when dealing with your entire team. Look at the facts and their output. Forget about the personality. I treat them like I do when electing who to vote for in an election.

I don’t care about the personality. I will vote for the candidate that I believe has the best policies to make life better, that may be the politician I like least as a personality.

Be aware of your shortcomings and work on your leadership weaknesses. Take the feedback from your team seriously, no matter how much you like or dislike the team member.

Applying the above principles will make you a stronger and better team leader.

Find out more about the non-work life of your team, without prying. You can ask questions that can give you a better understanding of their lives away from work.

For instance, I had a team member who was careless and weak on detail in her projects.

She was costing the company money in time and projects that had to be redone as she needed to have done better on the details.

This wasn’t a one-off, it was ongoing. While Chatting with her, I realized her pressures at home. Her young mentally challenged son demanded a lot of her emotional energy.

Knowing that fact helped me understand more about her and be more patient with her, and also adjust her tasks and workload to better suit her mental state.

Recap

We all teach people in the workplace how to treat us, in how we react to their actions.

People model and adjust their behaviors based on your responses to what they do.

Remember to be self-aware and be as objective as possible when dealing with all personalities. Try not to let natural and very real personality biases cloud your judgment.