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Abstract

re id="16ee"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*dC_Xv0QhBQ2aWyHjn4UnKg.jpeg"><figcaption>Has paid off two mortgages. Note: this does not mean that the person owns two houses.</figcaption></figure><figure id="f69c"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*mr3f9Zlo8z60llAmEBVGeg.jpeg"><figcaption>This person is some kind of real estate developer. The line through the top hexagon means, “I tried to flip a house and took a bath on it.”</figcaption></figure><figure id="3808"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*yB_axrvjeXETfEr5ZZa57w.jpeg"><figcaption>I think this woman must be one of the Helmsleys.</figcaption></figure><figure id="49a7"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*CSTr6IfxJ-lTolN3t7M4JA.jpeg"><figcaption>A pentagon, with one fewer side, means, “I own a cottage or a camp.”</figcaption></figure><h2 id="543a">Don’t Be Confused</h2><figure id="3467"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*W8wVqPorVf7ENTpu7sH36A.jpeg"><figcaption>This tattoo does not mean, “I own a Timberpeg or post-and-beam summer house.” It means, “I’m the parent volunteer for a LEGO club.”</figcaption></figure><h2 id="fe9f">Disney Tattoos</h2><p id="e8c8">A tattoo of a main character from a Disney movie means, “I’ve watched this movie more than 25 times with my kids.”</p><figure id="f9ba"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*-ztzE90C4TZangRDSJKUhw.jpeg"><figcaption>This person has watched “The Lion King”.</figcaption></figure><figure id="2ece"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*fZjEFqmAcv82ixhmrEI-vg.jpeg"><figcaption>Frozen</figcaption></figure><figure id="3648"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*3ekwvGOv8skfsSb_AkSFIA.jpeg"><figcaption>Finding Nemo</figcaption></figure><h2 id="ddd7">The Anchor</h2><p id="63d6">The anchor means, “I’m married , and my partner washes fewer dishes and does less laundry than I do.”</p><figure id="4e60"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*3cSm6NKW4VtSJpvps2WQtg.jpeg"><figcaption>The discreet placement of this “anchor” shows that this person does not want to publicly shame their partner.</figcaption></figure><figure id="d981"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*jWUyHfbTmZxOxEana3hHpw.jpeg"><figcaption>This person, on the other hand, wants the world to know.</figcaption></figure><figure id="06c4"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*aBelWvGLfDsom3Up7OInsg.jpeg"><figcaption>Looks like a heavy anchor.</figcaption></figure><h2 id="c5b6">Bread</h2><p id="8201">Bread is a recent symbol meant to advertise the fact that the wearer can “eat carbs like a motherfucker.” It is part of a backlash against the gluten-free/ciliac set and is meant to be intimidating.</p><figure id="d9b4"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*yoTCewkJxswy1dEtdoxMog.jpeg"><figcaption>Can eat bread.</figcaption></figure><figure id="e93d"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*jK9zvHwMEMapUhAdMorddw.jpeg"><figcaption>Will eat bread if it is “on the arm” (free).</figcaption></figure><figure id="5d1a"><img src

Options

="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*OVPKAR9P_j83GNDfGv-7gQ.jpeg"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><h2 id="1b66">Wheel or Dharmachakra</h2><p id="ecfe">The “Dharma Wheel” tattoo is used to signal that the wearer “has a career”. Where they are on the “career path” can be fluid, but, like all middle class tattoos, people who are get this tattoo without actually having a career are viciously punished. Other middle class people will refuse to talk to them at children’s sporting events and point at the “career tattoo” and laugh.</p><figure id="47bf"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*i7GKyp9iE2FLPA2_HSX__w.jpeg"><figcaption>This person is a dental hygienist.</figcaption></figure><figure id="5a33"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*Siqrjqd327TrbZL0wE5yYA.jpeg"><figcaption>Dude sells “financial instruments”.</figcaption></figure><figure id="85ed"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*j6jCYBZK2sVSnrJMCW7aCg.jpeg"><figcaption>Writes UX code for Medium</figcaption></figure><h2 id="27c6">The Rose</h2><p id="c56b">A rose tattoo simply means, “I grow roses.” There is a lot of intricate symbology that can be added to the rose tattoo to indicate what kind of roses the person grows and if they uses pesticides/herbicides/and or chemical fertilizers.</p><figure id="a612"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*vB9mgcdeOT2x00fkX4kL4g.jpeg"><figcaption>This tattoo means “I grow tea roses”. Tea roses are the hardest to grow.</figcaption></figure><figure id="2d6e"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*YMmWBWeS0Ol3wz3sm-Ugeg.jpeg"><figcaption>I grow multiflora roses</figcaption></figure><figure id="425f"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*uWZdLH2G-_n9DM75R2Yrmg.jpeg"><figcaption>I have a rose garden that looks like your grandmother’s bathroom wallpaper.</figcaption></figure><h2 id="a4a4">Last, The Moon</h2><p id="a927">The moon, always a symbol of feminine power and fertility, is used by women to indicate how much money/prestige they are getting compared to what they should get. That’s why you don’t see many full moons.</p><figure id="4af5"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*f26ga0ZwCkrUXQtrxrfVHw.jpeg"><figcaption>Making about 1/4 of what she should be getting.</figcaption></figure><figure id="5405"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*8q_j7NH2Tx5Hb9oKjnLvtw.jpeg"><figcaption>Working as an editor’s “personal assistant” and was recently asked to take laundry to the cleaners.</figcaption></figure><figure id="2e37"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*Vc1jH0GodDCg_cT1dDiSkg.jpeg"><figcaption>Really likes her job but can’t keep working for peanuts</figcaption></figure><h2 id="d766">The Computer</h2><p id="3678">A computer means “I’m still blogging.” Nobody gets this tattoo.</p><figure id="2773"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*69drILjOyDzOu9zJg28PvA.jpeg"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><figure id="8d51"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*AU22B9e6h9NYEBmztWgLjg.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure></article></body>

Tattoo Symbolism of the Middle Class

You have read about Maori, Classical, and Russian Prison Tattoos. If not, you should. You really should follow those links rather than reading on. Like yesterday’s Bad Quotations, this article is what they call a “stub” on Wikipedia.

[Look, this post may suck now. I apologize for that, but, rest assured, by the time I have republished it on Medium three or four times it will be pretty good! This is interactive blogging. Your ingestion of proto-dreck is part of the process. It’s as if all of Medium were a collective ruminant animal. A bee hive with a four chambered stomach. The eusocial duodenum of the Tubes packed full of literaturwurst. MMmmmm, lit sausage.]

The Setup

Just as other sub-cultures use tattoos symbolically, so do middle class “dominant culture” Americans. While you may think you know what these middle class Americans are signalling with their tattoos, you probably don’t really know. Believe it or not, middle class America is a gnostic cult that very few people really understand. Lucky for you, one of the people “in the know” is me, and I’m going to blow the lid off this secret world of symbols and let you in on the arcane knowledge by letting you read this incredibly shitty Medium post. Isn’t that nice of me?

Ready?

The Teardrop

This teardrop tattoo means “divorced”. Middle class Americans make sure the teardrop is showing in the Tinder profile they create once the divorce is final.

When people put it on their finger like this, it means a “happy divorce”, as in “I’m really fucking glad I got out of that mess.”

This person has a “happy divorce”. They kept the condo and get the kids on weekends and some holidays.

This gentleman has been divorced twice. They were not “happy” divorces.

The Hexagon

The hexagon is used to say, “I paid off my mortgage” or “I own my house outright.”

Has paid off two mortgages. Note: this does not mean that the person owns two houses.

This person is some kind of real estate developer. The line through the top hexagon means, “I tried to flip a house and took a bath on it.”

I think this woman must be one of the Helmsleys.

A pentagon, with one fewer side, means, “I own a cottage or a camp.”

Don’t Be Confused

This tattoo does not mean, “I own a Timberpeg or post-and-beam summer house.” It means, “I’m the parent volunteer for a LEGO club.”

Disney Tattoos

A tattoo of a main character from a Disney movie means, “I’ve watched this movie more than 25 times with my kids.”

This person has watched “The Lion King”.

The Anchor

The anchor means, “I’m married , and my partner washes fewer dishes and does less laundry than I do.”

The discreet placement of this “anchor” shows that this person does not want to publicly shame their partner.

This person, on the other hand, wants the world to know.

Bread

Bread is a recent symbol meant to advertise the fact that the wearer can “eat carbs like a motherfucker.” It is part of a backlash against the gluten-free/ciliac set and is meant to be intimidating.

Will eat bread if it is “on the arm” (free).

Wheel or Dharmachakra

The “Dharma Wheel” tattoo is used to signal that the wearer “has a career”. Where they are on the “career path” can be fluid, but, like all middle class tattoos, people who are get this tattoo without actually having a career are viciously punished. Other middle class people will refuse to talk to them at children’s sporting events and point at the “career tattoo” and laugh.

The Rose

A rose tattoo simply means, “I grow roses.” There is a lot of intricate symbology that can be added to the rose tattoo to indicate what kind of roses the person grows and if they uses pesticides/herbicides/and or chemical fertilizers.

This tattoo means “I grow tea roses”. Tea roses are the hardest to grow.

I have a rose garden that looks like your grandmother’s bathroom wallpaper.

Last, The Moon

The moon, always a symbol of feminine power and fertility, is used by women to indicate how much money/prestige they are getting compared to what they should get. That’s why you don’t see many full moons.

Making about 1/4 of what she should be getting.

Working as an editor’s “personal assistant” and was recently asked to take laundry to the cleaners.

Really likes her job but can’t keep working for peanuts

The Computer

A computer means “I’m still blogging.” Nobody gets this tattoo.