Tank’s Marshmallows Have Ruined Me

Can I quit sugar?

I’m addicted to sugar.

In the grand scheme of life-destroying addictions this may seem like a petty complaint, but I need some perspective from other people who suffer from addictions. Please hear me out.

First, me

I have lost 53 pounds since May of 2018. I am 5'3" tall, and I weighed 219 pounds that month.

I count calories using an app. The pounds have come off slowly but surely, a pound every couple of weeks, with a plateau now and then. It’s worked pretty well for me.

I still ate too much sugar, but my calorie-counting helped me understand how many calories I had been putting into my body, and I cut way back.

Now, Tank

Tank is the dog who came into our lives at a moment of happy synchronicity last fall. Here’s that story:

Tank has had a lot of health problems. Including allergies to common Demodex mites and to food. So we have ended up with prescription dog food. It seems to be working because Tank has stopped chewing his feet bloody.

He also takes an allergy medication called Apoquel. We used to stick each pill into a convenient little treat called a Pill Pocket. He loves those pockets, and they allow us to give him a pill without pushing it down his throat.

But we can’t give him Pill Pockets anymore. We can only give him special non-allergenic treats that go with his special non-allergenic diet, and they don’t come in a pocket shape for pills.

Our veterinarian said we could push the pill into a marshmallow instead. What a great idea! Marshmallows are much cheaper than Pill Pockets.

Marshmallows are my kryptonite

The problem is that marshmallows are like a drug to me. I can eat an entire bag of marshmallows in one sitting. I keep eating them even after they have started to form a big, nauseating wad in my stomach. I do believe I have a binge eating problem.

I have gained back seven pounds since we started giving Tank the marshmallows a few weeks ago. And it’s not just marshmallows anymore; now I crave everything sugary. Along with the marshmallows, I want cookies, candy, popsicles, ice cream, and anything chocolate.

I’m still holding myself accountable with the calorie-counting app, but I can’t seem to cut back the sugar the way I did before.

Enforced abstinence

Back in the 1990s, I took a drug called an MAO inhibitor for severe depression.

While I was on this medicine, I couldn’t eat chocolate or cheese. My doctor warned me that those things in combination with the drug would cause such elevated blood pressure that I would probably have a stroke and die.

So I gave up chocolate. And I gave up cheese. I had to because I knew they would kill me right quick. And you probably guessed it; I didn’t even miss them after a while.

I tell myself that all the sugary things I crave will kill me, too, especially in the huge quantities I want. So why can’t I just give up the marshmallows and other sugary stuff like I gave up chocolate and cheese back then?

Ah, because those sugary things will only kill me slowly. It seems like a delayed gratification problem. If I delay gratification I will live a longer and healthier life. But what is a longer and healthier life compared to a bag of marshmallows right now?

Besides, I can always give up the sugar tomorrow. Right?

What should I do?

Well, of course, I know exactly what I should do. I should stop eating the damned marshmallows.

But they call to me from the kitchen. So I go get four of them. That’s one “serving” of marshmallows. The four are gone in just a couple of minutes. That’s one of the problems, I think; they dissolve in my mouth in minutes, then they’re gone. That taste is gone. They’re so good. I need to get that taste again. So I get more. Then more. Then more. However many of them I eat, it’s never enough.

WebMD tells me that, “Sugar fuels every cell in the brain. Your brain also sees sugar as a reward . . .”

It also tells me that going cold turkey is unwise because “[d]iet changes like this are too drastic to keep up.” I’m supposed to “train [my] taste buds to enjoy things that aren’t as sweet.”

I used to eat berries every day, along with other fruit. But I don’t even want them now. They’re not sweet enough. I don’t think their sugar reaches my brain as fast as refined sugar so I don’t get that quick hit of endorphins.

WebMD also says I should eat protein to curb sugar cravings, and exercise will make me feel better and want healthier foods.

I’m eating just as much protein as I have for the past two years. I’m exercising just as much as I did before, too.

Yet I still crave sugar.

Sugar is too convenient

I don’t have to go somewhere special, like a bar or liquor store or a drug dealer; the marshmallows are in my kitchen.

And the sugar I crave more than ever is everywhere.

It’s in front of the checkout register at every drug store. It’s around every corner at the grocery store. It’s right across the aisle from the frozen vegetables. It’s next to me as I’m waiting in line to check out. It’s in my soy milk. In my protein shake mix. It’s in the cookies Dear Husband always has on hand. It’s at the old-fashioned ice cream stand on the main street of my town. There’s even a chocolate shop on that main street.

An extra twist

I have fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed by a rheumatologist in 2004.

One of fibromyalgia’s symptoms is fatigue.

No matter how much sleep I get, I’m still always tired. I sleep like a log, but my Fitbit says I get hardly any deep or restorative sleep. I don’t believe everything my Fitbit tells me, but it seems that fibromyalgia does interfere with restorative sleep.

And I’ve always thought that something about fatigue makes my body think, “Oh, hey, I’m tired so I need some fuel.” So I go eat something to get some fuel.

I was right. The Sleep Foundation says that a lack of sleep is linked to overeating because it influences hormones that affect appetite. I’m afraid my nonrestorative sleep has that same effect.

I’m struggling

I’ve never been a dieter. I always knew that this or that diet du jour couldn’t be sustained. And I’ve been a vegetarian since 1989, so I wouldn’t even try many of the diets out there.

Yes, I know marshmallows contain gelatin. I try to think about that before and while I eat them, but it doesn’t deter me.

After a round of steroids in 2018 caused significant weight gain I decided I had hit my red line, and I had to do something to reduce my weight. That’s when I started monitoring my calorie intake. For me, it worked.

But, now what? How do I quit a substance that’s everywhere?

Hope for the future

There are a couple of hopeful things in sight.

• In a few more weeks, when we’re sure this diet is what Tank needs, we might be able to stop giving him the Apoquel. If he can do without the allergy medicine, that would allow me to get the damned marshmallows out of my house.
• If he still needs the Apoquel, we can add the Pill Pockets back into his diet. If he tolerates them, that would also allow me to get the damned marshmallows out of the kitchen.

If neither of those things works, I may have to resort to shoving the pills down Tank’s throat twice a day just to get rid of the marshmallows. I really hate to do that to him.

Sorry, Tank.