Tallying up the Year 2020: Crossroads, Fundamental Questions and Self-reflection

What has changed for you and in you this year, and what has not?

I used to run. I used to play Capoeira in the Academia and I used to want to pick up Muay Thai, or BJJ, or combine both into MMA training — so to learn to defend myself and what matters to me in case I ever needed to.

I used to go out and meet girls, sometimes flirt with them — which would lead to my fiancé feeling and acting a little jealous but also kind of proud because ‘hubby still had game’.

We have an open relationship, mainly ‘open’ in the sense that I can pretty safely say we share at least about 99% of what happens, openly.

I used to dream of consolidating so much of the knowledge, experience, and skills I’ve built up over the years into a product or service that it would sell itself — adding so much value to so many people’s lives and being able to work off the beach for the rest of my own life if I so chose to.

“I used to”.

I once heard someone say on a TV show that “I used to…” are the saddest words in any language. I felt that.

I am 37 years old now. I’m not sure that I feel 37 and I’m pretty sure I don’t look it. I used to have dreadlocks, I used to be bald and now I have some hair growing out, thick and black, not sure what to do with it.

I used to be an entrepreneur. I used to have a fulltime job. Now I’m collecting unemployment benefits and working my ass off for a Brand Identity startup I’m creating together with some people with amazing skills and cool personalities.

And I feel like I’m at a crossroads.

Corona changed a lot. And at the same time, corona didn’t change anything as much as it really just showed us what was already going on a little more clearly. Kind of like digital technology and the way we use it.

Elderly and other physically vulnerable people get sick. Diseases are scary. We are mortal beings. Loneliness kills just as much as hunger or sickness.

Not dying doesn’t necessarily mean living.

Governments try to do their responsibility. Humans have a tendency to overreact to threats. The world is incredibly complex and problems are now more often systemic and global than not — making it even harder to come to clear-cut answers and solutions.

Uncertainty is a given — one that not many of us seem to feel very comfortable around.

I do.

I asked the question in a blog earlier this year: “Has there ever been a better time to ask fundamental questions?” I think there’s never a better time to ask fundamental questions than right now.

I was talking to a friend the other day about how I feel like this time of year always makes me (and other people) reflect, redefine, and realign. Taking score of the past 9 months, making plans for the next year, that kind of stuff.

My friend said: “Aren’t you always in the middle of the process of redefining yourself? Isn’t self-reflection one of your default states?” and I couldn’t agree with him more.

I asked him what he thought I should be focusing on, in terms of professional development and cashflow building.

He said something along the lines of doing what he had known me best to be doing best: writing stories for companies to connect internal and external stakeholders, starting with identity and the people in the company themselves.

And then he said: but I understand this is exactly the level you’re trying to transcend, isn’t it? I agreed.

It would be the easier choice. Probably. The safer choice. To divert some time and attention away from the startup I’m currently trying to help build, and away from my book, and towards ‘getting a normal job’, working somewhere for something like 4 days per week. Getting a steady paycheck. Giving myself time and space to think.

But that’s exactly what I’ve been afraid of: being sucked into that once again.

It’s hard as shit working 4 or 5 days a week, being someone's lover and someone's father, and then setting up a side-gig or side hustle. Time to think or time to sleep, you choose.

But being someone’s lover and someone’s father, it’s also incredibly hard not to go for that steady-paying job. Sure, it’s 2020 and mama helps papa equally in getting the bills paid. But papa still feels some kind of heavy responsibility for matters of the like. Call me old-fashioned.

I’m 37 years old now. A 37-year-old man. I feel like that’s neither old nor young.

But it does feel like a crossroads between the former and the latter.

It feels like I need to make some serious choices.

And that starts with — you guessed it — asking myself some serious questions.

What am I really good at? What would people want to pay me for doing for them or teaching them? What do I really get a kick out of doing? Where can I find people that would pay me for that, and how do I approach them? How do I get over my fear or dislike of acquiring customers or selling myself?

Maybe more importantly: what is my Purpose — and is the Purpose I defined for myself a year ago still accurate, does it still make my heart beat faster when I think about it?

And if I find my Purpose and my Vehicle (what I’m good at) — how do I combine them and translate them into something that is clear and concise and rings a bell for people?

How do I make sure I take well enough care of my person; my body, my mind, my bank account — my wife, my children, my parents and friends and anyone else that’s so close to me that they could be said to be a part of my person and vice versa?

What am I going to do? Incredible, right, how many questions can be wrapped up in one question? Or in one person?

Is now a time for you to ask yourself a few fundamental questions as well? If so, let me know how it turns out. Or how I might help. It turns out that asking fundamental questions is something that is indeed very natural to me. Maybe I should start selling that.

My new book “Life Beyond the Touch Screen” is out now, you can get it here as an e-book or paperback. Take back your energy, focus, and time.

In collaboration with SparQle.xyz I also offer presentations and workshops on the Prevention of Digital Burnout, click here to get in touch or simply send me an e-mail.

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