Talking in your Sleep Can Teach You to be a Better Communicator

Here are several techniques to use when you’re awake

You’ve heard them. Your husband, your boyfriend, the neighbor next door whose damn bedroom window is too close to yours. They’ve all had unguarded moments when they said something that perhaps they shouldn’t have. Something they were thinking about, worrying about or actually loosing sleep over, and it just came out.

What was said is really unimportant. Shouting out your sister’s name at two in the morning may come as a shock, especially to your sister, but what’s important is not that her name was mentioned but that he managed to get it out. Albeit while he was asleep, but what the hell. Out is out.

Maybe she was bothering him. Maybe he’d been troubled by her frequent visits to your house, every day, for breakfast and dinner and couldn’t muster up the courage to get the words out. To resolve his issues.

Talking is the easy exchange of words and sentiments without a significant destination or purpose.

How’s the weather? How are those Dodgers doing this season? Is your mother coming to stay again this summer?

It’s fun to talk. To banter. To shoot the breeze. It makes us laugh and feel good and there’s little commitment to the conversation. Nothing has to be said. Nothing hinges on the outcome; like where you’re sleeping tonight or who’s taking the cat to the vet in the morning to get her claws trimmed.

But talking is not designed for the heavy lifting that comes into play when issues are mounting. When important decisions have to be made, lives are at stakes, fortunes to be won or lost. This is when Communication gets called in from the bullpen.

Communication is your Closer. The one to shut it down, bottom of the ninth with three men on.

Communication sounds a lot like talking. Looks a lot like talking, only better dressed and with shoes on instead of sneakers.

Communication is all about the destination. The outcome. Did you get it done? This is why it’s so important to use the right tool for the job.

Don’t walk into the monthly production meeting with your overall stats being down and think you’re going to get by with a little talking. It’s not going to happen. Stand up there like Jimmy Fallon doing a comedy routine and you’ll end up back in the mail room. You bring the big gun with you and you whip it out as soon as you walk in through the door.

You get their attention.

Cough, tap you pen against your glass, bang your shoe on the table (kidding on this one, but you get the idea). They need to know you’ve arrived and they’re ready to listen.

You got to come prepared.

You know your stats are down, but so do they. What you need to bring is a solution. So, you must know what the objective will be on the other side of the table. You focus their attention briefly on the problem, then move gracefully to the solution.

You make sure they understand what you’re saying.

Meetings are notorious for people droning on, until their listeners start falling off their chairs. Keep it cogent but light. Humor is good. But make it an accessory to understanding. Check if they’re paying attention. That means eyes on you, engaged, and focused. If heads are banging off the table, back it up, and make your point again.

There must be a take away — in this case, that you’re on it.

As I mentioned, with communication there is always a destination. A resolution proposed. The other party feeling understood. You need to arrive there, otherwise you’re just talking.

Talking is easier and more fun to do, so we are inclined to go there when there’s no commitments, no agenda or particular place to arrive at. However, it is not designed to resolve problems, so they just keep happening.

Communication on the other hand, is more formal. It’s more precise. We do it when we have to get somewhere and we have to do it quickly and as painlessly as possible. It’s designed to listen intently, ask pointed questions, get accurate answers and persist as pleasantly as possible while still getting it done.

Don’t edit yourself, be fearless. Don’t blurt out the first thing that comes into your head, keep it on point, but trust in the process.

Don’t talk when you should be communicating. Understand the difference and use the tool appropriately and you’ll find situations resolving a lot more easily than they used to.

Joe Luca is a published author and writer of children’s stories, short fiction, non-fiction articles, screenplays and poetry. Including Child’s Life, Children’s Playmate and others. There are some other articles below — have a read. And thank you for stopping by.