Talk Nerdy to Me: The Scientific Reasons You Are Attracted to Intelligence

Science and the sexy brain.

There is a really good reason you think intelligence is super sexy— it’s science.

If you melt at the mention of reading books, big vocabularies, and witty banter, you are likely a sapiosexual — you find intelligence attractive.

You are not alone. Up to 1 in 10 people get hot over high intelligence. We call ourselves sapiosexuals and our favorite phrase might very well be, “Talk nerdy to me.”

Research on attraction, including a study with nearly 10,000 participants, found that intelligence is the second most-attractive trait in potential partners. Kindness is the first.

A study by Gilles Gignac, Joey Darbyshire, and Michelle Ooi in the journal, Intelligence, breaks it down further:

Being sapiosexual — i.e., finding intelligence a turn-on — does not mean that you need to be particularly smart yourself, according to the study. People with a wide variety of IQ scores also fancied the clever. A sapiosexual, this new study argues, does not value intelligence because of the benefits that may arise from partnering with a relatively intelligent person (e.g., better career or income prospects). Instead, intelligence is a pure “turn-on.”

But it’s not always as simple as “intelligence = attraction.”

There are certain factors that affect our expectations and desire for intelligence in others. Let’s look at a few specific reasons we may or may not be attracted to someone’s sexy brain.

“Philosophical discussion is my foreplay.” — Anonymous, YourTango.com

Talk Nerdy to Me: Science and the Sexy Brain

Why in the world are we attracted to intelligence in the first place?

Disclaimer: It is helpful to tread carefully on the ground of gender, biology, and attraction. In no way am I suggesting that we are all the same, like the same things, or are incapable of personal preferences. I believe in the equality of all genders, sexual orientations, neurodiversity, and partner choice.

With that said, science has studied attraction for decades with the same conclusion: much of attraction occurs outside of our conscious awareness.

In other words, we might not even really know why we find some people or some traits attractive. We simply do.

What are some of the possible reasons we might we find high IQ such a turn-on?

• Smarter people might be more interesting conversational partners
• Smarter people might stimulate the curiosity center of our brains
• Smarter people might solve problems better
• Smarter people might be able to get and keep better jobs

It may sound too simple in our modern world of progressive cultural values, but part of it may actually come down to very basic and primal biological urges.

“Your mind does things to my body that your hands never could.” — Anonymous, YourTango.com

The Hottest Body Part May Be the Brain

Let’s look at some more scientific studies on attraction.

A 2008 study out of London and a separate 2009 study at the Univerity of Mexico both found a link between high intelligence and high sperm count, or virility.

What does that have to do with our weakness for wisdom?

As human beings, we may be biologically programmed to seek out partners with strong genetic fitness for healthy reproduction and the continuation of our species.

I know, I know. It doesn’t sound nearly as progressive or as sexy as quivering over Shakespeare quotes or brainy ramblings about cultural exceptionalism.

The scientific reason we swoon over sexy brains could be that our bodies instinctively crave sexual partners who can provide basic safety and protection along with a better life for us and our offspring.

For similar biological reasons, human beings generally (but not always) find the following traits attractive:

• Deeper voices in men
• Stronger bodies in men
• Leaner bodies in women
• Higher social status
• Higher income

Of course, attraction is also very personal and subjective. None of these traits might be true for everyone, everywhere on the planet.

Our desires, views, and expectations for sexy intelligence do fluctuate. There are circumstances and variables that can determine just how attracted we are to smart partners.

Let’s take a look at some of these factors.

We Find Average Intelligence Attractive on First Dates

When you are matching with someone on a dating app or meeting up with them for the first time, you tend to unconsciously have lower expectations for intelligence.

That’s not because you are attracted to dumber people.

According to an article in Psychology Today, it’s because your attraction and expectation for intelligence in your potential partner usually match the level of seriousness in the relationship.

When you first meet, you don’t know the other person, so there is no commitment. The relationship is casual and, therefore, so is your desire for intelligence.

The next time you spill a drink on yourself or wind up with something between your teeth on a first date, you can relax knowing that your date is less likely to judge you harshly.

“Let’s have intellectual intercourse.” — Anonymous, YourTango.com

Both Men and Women Have Lower Intelligence Expectations for Flings

When we just want to have sex, we don’t care as much about intelligence. Go figure.

Interestingly, however, women have slightly higher brainy desires than men even for casual sexual encounters.

According to Psychology Today:

But when asked what was the minimum IQ expectation desired for a casual sexual relationship, men’s requirements in a female partner are almost 15 points below that of what women would look for in a man’s minimum IQ for casual sex.

The More Serious the Relationship, the Higher Intelligence We Want

It follows that, in turn, we desire higher intelligence in more serious relationships.

We don’t need genetic fitness as much in casual relationships because we haven’t selected our partner just yet. Once we pair-bond, however, our expectations for sexy intelligence (and other traits) rises in tandem with our commitment.

An article by the American Pscyolgocial Association reported on a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology:

In 2007, he and his colleagues found that, in mid-cycle, women tended to prefer flings with “caddish” men. On average, fertile women were more interested in short-term relationships with men who came across as confident, or even cocky, on videotape. In comparison, at other points in their cycle, they gravitated toward longer-term relationships with kinder, more conscientious, deferential types — good father material.

We Use Proxies to Determine Intelligence

If intelligence is so attractive, how do we know if someone is intelligent? It’s not like we can always observe brainpower from a distance.

The answer, at least according to some psychologists, is that we use proxy traits like humor, wit, and vocabulary.

Tickle my brain

Have you ever wondered why so many people are attracted to a good sense of humor? If you peruse dating sites, you’ll see that many men and women list a good sense of humor as a top attractive trait.

Why?

Certainly, funny people provide pleasure and enjoyment. We can’t dismiss the obvious.

However, as usual, there might be something more to it. Several research studies have linked humor to intelligence:

Researchers in Austria recently discovered that funny people, particularly those who enjoy dark humor, have higher IQs than their less funny peers. They argue that it takes both cognitive and emotional ability to process and produce humor. Their analysis shows that funny people have higher verbal and nonverbal intelligence, and they score lower in mood disturbance and aggressiveness.

Wit and wisdom

The ability to banter is another common trait that comes up on dating profiles. Many of us want partners who can “give-and-take” witty remarks.

Wit might be another word for humor, as the two often go hand-in-hand.

Many people find the ability to verbally joust a positive sign. However, women tend to find this trait more attractive in men than men in women.

Big words turn me on

Versimulatude. Effervescene. Susurrus.

Oh my. Someone get me a glass of wine, a cold shower, and some peanut M&Ms (Don’t judge me). You, too?

An extensive vocabulary might be another proxy we use to judge intelligence in potential partners. Who knew word-a-day calendars might be the secret shortcut to uber sexiness?

If big words turn you on, you are not alone.

And science has your back. Research findings suggest that large vocabularies do indeed increase attraction.

“Give me words that make my mind curl before my toes.” — Anonymous, YourTango.com

Talk Nerdy to Me: Final Thoughts

Attraction is a complex process that involves many moving parts.

However, intelligence is a common thread in attraction from the evolutionary foundation of health and wellbeing, up through social prowess, and all the way to self-actualization, or reaching our full potential.

In short, intelligence is a common factor that cuts across many different attractive traits — wit, charm, humor, social skills, emotional maturity, status, and income.

Big brains are sexy, indeed.

“Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.” — Anonymous, Pinterest