Talk About It

I said, “Grandma, that’s my boyfriend.”

She said, “he looks like one of the guys from Columbine.”

At 22, I won’t say she’s wrong but at 14, I wouldn’t admit that she was right.

Trench coat with a side of rage that would teach me to be terrified

My mom said that my dating life was in her hands because it was foreign to my dad

He said, “You deal with it.”

If it were up to him, he would have shut it down.

Wondering is wasted time but I wonder who I would be now.

Against my nature and my culture, I shared what went on at home

Told my guidance counselor, but in that office, I may as well have been alone

She said, “have you tried writing your dad a letter?”

Could have saved myself a trip and probably would have felt better

I said, “Best friend, that’s my boyfriend.”

She said he was out of line

I thought that she was a hater

Turns out that she saw the signs

One by one I lost the people that I used to call my friends

Couldn’t stand to watch me fly down what they knew was a dead end

Got so bad that I can’t talk about it with my family

Relatives on zoom calls who don’t even know that I was married

Children watch what’s being done before they’ll even hear you

Talking out of both sides of your mouth,

Asking why I won’t come near you

I grew up in the suburbs where we abuse each other on quiet streets

Won’t pretend I grew up in the city,

Suburbia helped him do what he did to me

They say “my child does it better”

Say “my child’s going to Yale.”

Talk about rental homes in the neighborhood

And houses on the market for sale

God forbid if the value of your house goes down

Know a kid who drove his parents’ car into a lake and drowned

Even when the collateral damage is death, even still,

Nobody wants to talk about it now

We know that he beats his wife,

But they live out of state and that’s their life

All she can do is say good night til he doesn’t wake up in the morning

My blood is running all around, child welfare makes not a sound

Live out of the country, forget out of town

What am I supposed to do now?

Too old for board games but your life is a charade

Who will you pretend to be today?

Everything means nothing if you can’t see what you’re working for

That’s why you have two daughters, one smoking, sipping, one divorced

You won’t find it living like this if it’s joy that you’ve been looking for