Take the Sting Out of Sadness and Let Success Shine Through!
My personal transformation
Sometimes it hurts being you.
Nothing outside caused it. Sh*t happens.
For me, sadness was my dark twin. It followed me everywhere and was standing next to me when I blew out the candles on my 5th birthday cake.
I developed a hard exterior, was a tomboy, and rode horses as if my life depended on it.
Rarely did a photo capture the innocent child I was.
If someone asked me to describe myself when I was 20 — I’d say I’m a bi**h — does it matter? Who gives a f**k.
In January 2020 my husband confronted me about my angry outbursts. He wanted me to see a therapist. Aware he was right, I asked friends to recommend someone.
What followed, I was not prepared for.
At my first session, with my current therapist, he said there‘s a “deep sadness” in you.
The words were visceral. He had me pegged.
Two things happened at that moment: a painful agony arose out of my chest and tears flooded my eyes.
Who was he?
Since that time, I’ve seen him weekly.
In these 3+ years, I sense I’m being held in a psychic hammock like a cocoon.
Each week the hammock swings and Ken holds the ends so I won’t fall out.
Fast forward to now: I’m peeking beyond the grief of my childhood.
Just a bit, but it SHINES SO BRIGHTLY.
Never before could I’ve imagined — living without GRIEF.
This moment is a personal success.
It’s an inner shine that I know we all carry inside of us.
I’m also aware that writing on Medium has been a valuable support. Sharing who I am and the things I love is no small accomplishment. It takes guts to hit the “publish” button every week.
And each time I publish, I’m coming out of my hut!!
I want to thank the writers who have influenced me.
In particular, I want to acknowledge Zulie Rane, Derek Hughes, Lipika Sahu, Jenny Wren, and Dr Mehmet Yildiz.
They’ve pointed me in directions that have improved my writing and improved my outlook.
I’m reminded — you’re never too old to transform from stinging sadness into shining success. We’re all elligible!
