Living Your Life Purposefully

Take Nothing For Granted. In All Things Give Thanks

Gratitude as a basis for a purposeful life

Being a healthcare professional gives me a front seat pass to many things.

Working in the ER allows me to see humanity when they are usually feeling their worse.

The idea of the emergency room is to stabilize patients then send them on to the specialist for follow-up care.

The ER practitioners are not personal doctors, nor is it their duty to care for you beyond your ER visit.

People are brought in with various maladies and in various stages of problems.

We stabilize and deputize!

Then back to “incoming”.

Recently, I had been participating in the care of some patients that left a mark on me.

When You Speak and God Is Silent

I work in a huge facility.

Each day, we see many people from various walks of life and with many problems.

Many impact me deeply, but some find a home in my heart.

I had two such patients recently.

Both were young women with cancer, stage 4 cancer.

One 42-years-old, the other 38-years old.

It broke my heart!

Patient 1

Thirty-eight-year-old woman with cancer that has spread to her brain. To the point where she has begun having seizure-like activity.

She was so terrified, my heart melted for her.

Her heart was racing and she was having a full-blown anxiety attack.

The knowledge and terror of impending death were written all over her face.

I spoke to her as I attended to her, stopping to hold her hands and wipe her brow intermittently.

I did not bother asking about her life before cancer.

She was from another country and her brother called and she was too scared to even speak to him. She asked me to speak for her.

I did, and his love for his sister was evident.

I cannot imagine what he must feel being in another country with his sister in a state of such advanced disease.

Their pain for a brief moment became mine.

As you can tell, I am still thinking about her some days later.

Patient 2

Another female is 42 years old has and stage 4 cancer.

She told me, she had been feeling unwell, short of breath for a short while.

The mother to one child, a daughter in her mid-twenties.

She traveled to her home country last December to marry her sweetheart, though she had not been feeling her best.

When she returned the symptoms became worse. She went to the hospital twice and was given breathing treatments though she has no diagnosed respiratory disease.

After she was not feeling well, she went to the ER a third time and told them that she was not leaving until they found out what was wrong with her.

That’s when she received the cancer diagnosis.

Stage 4.

Cervical and breast cancer that has spread throughout her spine to her brain.

She came in with abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting.

We spoke, and because she was receptive, I told her to keep trusting God and keep fighting.

I hugged this woman like a child, I felt so much for her.

When she left, I told her, I would keep her in my prayers.

Seems such a benign statement to make to someone in so much mental and physical distress.

My realization

My glass is always half-full.

I am blessed and grateful to God for keeping me safe.

For the things I know he has kept me from to those I will never know, I remain grateful.

I see such sorrow and pain every day, sometimes I cannot stand it.

But I must, I have to be present for these dear patients that need my help.

The feeling of helplessness is a constant one.

I wish I could do more.

But alas, I am not Jesus.

I recognize my limitations, but I still want to rail at the fates sometimes.

Why God?

Why this woman?

She has young children.

Why, why, why…?

Takeaway

If you have your health you are blessed.

If your children and your family are safe you are blessed.

Though life is tough, there is yet so much beauty present.

I go to work five nights a week and see and help the sick.

It breaks the heart, but the balance of beauty is also present.

Sometimes, I laugh and joke and have much fun with patients and co-workers.

A symbiotic relationship is present within the universe.

Good and bad.

Good things happen everyday.

A woman in her forties, previously told she could never have kids, finds out to her eternal surprise, she is now pregnant.

The squeals of children as they feel better.

Grateful patients being discharged to live another day.

Like you, I have no answers as to the “why’s”.

God is God is God.

He has all the answers we seek.

I find that living in a state of gratitude is an excellent place to dwell.

Spread some love and kindness, someone out there in the world needs it!

My story was inspired by Trista Signe Ainsworth’s story about what to do when heavy energy hits you.

Pene Hodge is a mom, a nurse, a writer. She writes because she must. She loves people and is committed to sharing and gleaning knowledge for the betterment of all.