A MEMOIR

Surviving Your Daughter’s Prom

It’s not as hard as you think

November 2017: Prom was approaching, but all we had was a circle on the calendar the following June. I was left completely in the dark for months until it became imperative that we had to get a prom dress TODAY!

“Everyone else already has their dress, MOM!”

“It’s November. That can’t be true,” I stupidly said.

I think she muttered something about me knowing nothing. I prefer to think she said, “you fuckin’ know everything.” That seems more like her. And, frankly, more like me because I do know everything. Thanks for noticing, Sweetie.

We shopped through tears at the first place, because apparently everything was ugly and I didn’t know what I was talking about again. The salespeople did have chips on their shoulders and reminded me that we left it late.

Fuck off.

So we found another store. This one was close to our house and the staff there were lovely. If they thought we’d left it late, they kept that tidbit of info to themselves like people who want just-shy-of-what-I-spent-on-my-first-car for a dress should.

I was saved when the dress arrived at the beginning of May.

Once the dress was secured and I stopped being verbally assaulted daily by our daughter, she smiled and invited me to help her with shoes.

Read: Bring your credit card and the car key.

We shopped for an exorbitant amount of time for black shoes, while her younger brother was heating up. His fever peaked at 103.3 degrees, and it was two days of acetaminophen to get his temperature under control. The moment he felt better he broke into spots all over his face that were itchy and, frankly, uncomfortable looking. Our son was not only in quarantine (before it was cool) but also on full lockdown, and in danger of being shipped off to Greenland for fear he would contaminate the girl preparing for pictures.

Prom must be protected. Our daughter could not catch what our son had. If I had to take one of them out, he knew who it would be.

The prom went on, and our daughter looked amazing. She had a lovely day with her friends getting ready. Followed by an awkward parent and graduate social in which we finally met the boy we had only heard mentioned once.

What promposal? Wait, get back here and tell me!

A tearful wave to the bus for a short but fun-filled prom, and a party after. It will feel like every other party but with more drama and a change of outfit.

My advice to prom attendees. It is unlikely you will remember your prom. Probably has something to do with the shots, but also it is just too much. You will remember the dress and maybe the name of the date because those pictures will be in the albums. You might remember getting ready with your friends if you did that or where the party was afterward, but the stress and expectations are so high that it will be hard for you to be in the moment enough to recall all the nuances of the day, including the drama.

Come Monday the normal drama levels will return, and it will all feel like it happened too fast.

My advice to parents with proms yet to come is it will be okay. The drama beforehand will happen, and you will have to ride the wave. Even our daughter’s least dramatic friend succumbed. Prom is stressful. There is a lot of pressure to look the best you’ve ever looked in the perfect dress with the perfect hair and makeup and to have the most fun you’ve ever had. These are unreasonable expectations, of course, but there is no reasoning with a girl headed to prom.

Savor numerous hours watching your daughter try on beautiful dresses and imagining herself wearing them. There will be one that will be perfect, but she won’t know it until she hears it from her friends. Tell her anyway. Empathize with your daughter when someone else chooses a dress in the same color after all those anxious hours in the shops.

How dare she!

Take another five hours in the shoe stores because they are hours you get to spend with the young woman who will wear that dress like a movie star and carry herself with confidence in that hair and makeup she spent months agonizing over.

It will be worth it to share those moments even if they feel exhausting. They are far from insignificant. They are pivotal. It is rare we have the opportunity to see a milestone and prepare for it. The day they said, ‘mama,’ the first steps, first tooth, first date, or, first heartbreak come without warning. You have plenty of notice to take time for prom. Eight months to be exact — or nine if you are a good Mom.

Don’t miss your moment to enjoy it.

Besides, you still have IKEA to brave before she starts University. Prom preparation feels like a happy dream by then. Enjoy!

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