Surviving the First Day of School

A parents’ perspective

Starting school is an exciting time. Not just for the kids, but the parents too! It is also one of the most emotional days you will ever go through.

Mr. 5 started off super excited. For about two months before school actually started he would ask every single morning if it was a school day yet. He tried his uniform on countless times, and proudly showed everyone his new school bag and lunch box (all via zoom and facetime of course because……covid).

On that first day, he ran along the path to the school, until we reached the gate. He baulked and didn’t want to go in. I think it suddenly hit him how big of a change this was going to be. Eventually, he walked through those gates and soldiered on. And whilst a lot of the focus was on him, as it should be, I was an emotional wreck too! I really did not want to walk through those school gates.

How do parents survive the first day of school?

YOU will need plenty of time to get ready in the morning.

I thought I was all organised and ready.

I had premade his lunch, packed his bag, laid out his uniform and even planned what I was going to wear! I got up early so I could shower in peace and make sure I was calm and collected. I didn’t want him to pick up on my anxiety and nervous energy.

Even with all this preparation and getting up early, I felt rushed and jittery.

Mr 5 was super excited and had no issues getting ready early. He had breakfast, washed his face and teeth and was all dressed with his hair neatly done before 8 am! Yet there I was, walking circles trying to remember what it is I had forgotten.

I triple checked everything was packed in his lunchbox and bag, that he had sunscreen and hand sanitiser, that his shoes were on properly and his hat ready to go. I still felt like something was missing. And despite being up and showered early, I felt rushed and anxious.

Looking back now, it was all in my head. The feeling of forgetting something and being rushed wasn’t because I actually was forgetting something or rushed. Instead, it was this feeling of being lost and uncertain. Of not knowing what was going to happen, how I would cope with Mr 5 starting school, how he would be at school and as though I was starting to lose him.

Logically these feelings don’t make sense. I know that. But the emotional side of me was dominant that first day of school! For someone who prides themself on usually being so put together and organised, I was a mess!

So a huge tip for those parents whose kids are starting school for the first time, leave yourself plenty of time!

It is not so much about getting ready, but mentally allowing yourself time and space to breathe and calm yourself down throughout the morning. I found I had to stop several times to focus on taking deep breaths and work to control my anxiety.

You will feel like your heart has been ripped out and left behind.

Maybe this is a little dramatic, but honestly, it is how I felt.

Little man was so super brave. He had one moment before we walked through those school gates where he hesitated. He saw all the other children, parents and teachers and baulked at walking in. My husband and I just crouched down beside him on the footpath and allowed him as long as he needed to think through this moment, to sort through those emotions, and to feel whatever he needed to feel. We gave him space and time that he needed to walk through those gates on his own, even if he was clinging to my hand as if his life depended on it.

It was a very tough moment as a parent. To give him that time and space without intruding or smothering. To allow him to express himself and to feel all those huge emotions associated with starting school for the first time, without putting your own emotions into the mix. I wanted to pick him up and carry him home, away from this big scary school. I wanted to wrap him up and protect him, forever. And I wanted to be whisked away too. I didn’t feel, and still don’t feel, ready to be a “school mum”.

But then the moment came. The moment where he let go of my hand and raced into the playground with barely a glance back. The moment I am sure I could hear my heart breaking with pride but also sadness. He was leaving any traces of baby behind and emerging as a young boy, one who may not want to hold my hand in public for much longer.

As my husband and I walked away from the school that morning I struggled to contain all those emotions. My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. My throat was so tight I could not talk. I made it to the car before I broke down in tears.

So be prepared for this feeling. It is huge. It is a convoluted mess of emotions. Sadness. Joy. Relief. Anxiety and fear. Gut-wrenching. But most of all a sense of pride and achievement.

It is so much harder than leaving them at kindergarten or childcare.

I thought that I would be ok saying goodbye to him at school. He had been going to childcare since he was 10months old, and he had gone to 3-year-old and 4-year-old kinder the past two years. It is not like we had never been apart.

We were both used to it. And those childcare hours could be super long! Not like school hours at all.

So why was it so hard?

I still don’t really have an answer for this. I am a tangled web of emotions, and even now a month after he has started I am still struggling.

Why is school so much harder than childcare or kindergarten?

I have several theories, ranging from the concerns about him being bullied (or worse, being the bully) to the feeling that time is running out. That it is fast approaching that point where he won’t want to come to snuggle with me first thing in the morning or hold my hand as we walk to school. That feeling where they are taking those next big steps into a phase of their life where they will pretend to not need you. Where it isn’t “cool” to be seen to hug your parents or hold their hand. Maybe it is because I feel like this is that final step away from being able to call him my baby.

Whatever it is, for some reason school is so much harder and bigger and just so much more.

You do You!

Some parents cry before they even leave in the morning for school, some cry at drop off, some (like me) manage to hold it in until the car or home, and some don’t cry at all. However and wherever you choose to have your breakdown or not is up to you. There is no judgement (or shouldn’t be). This is one of the biggest days that your child and you will go through, and all of those emotions are completely normal.

My husband and I enjoyed a lovely brunch together (me keeping my sunglasses on the whole time), whilst my mum enjoyed spending some time alone with my 3-year-old daughter. It was lovely for my hubby and me to have that alone time to process what just happened.

My mum and I baked a special afternoon tea for Mr 5 to celebrate when he got home. And don’t forget the very important champagne for the adults to celebrate! Make sure you chill it so that once those little people are in bed you can sit back, relax and enjoy a glass of bubbles after an emotional day! You need that time to reflect and feel and unwind.

I will never forget the way he marched in line so proudly behind his teacher to his classroom. That beautiful stoic boy managed to give me a wink and a wave even as he fought back his tears. I will never forget his face as he made that final turn into his classroom, away from us and towards an exciting new adventure.

Most of all I will never forget that he is mine, and I am his. Nothing will change that. Not even school. He will always, ALWAYS, be my baby.