Supporting Transgender Kids

A lesson and a poem from a teacher about love and forgiveness

Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family. — Henri J.M. Nouwen

A Lesson on Self-Forgiveness

I recently wrote a poem as I worked through forgiving myself. It is about the loss of a transgender student to violence. I was not part of the violence, but I am unsure how I made this student feel in my classroom 20 years ago.

I didn’t carry this around with me for all of these years, but when presented with the situation and reflecting on those years I wondered, “Did I do enough or even know enough to support this student at that time?”

My wonder turned to guilt. I knew it wouldn’t be healthy to hold on to that so I used poetry to process it. I wasn’t sure where the poem would land or if I would even share it. But, here it is:

The Sparkle in Your Brown Eyes

In memory of a former student

Your full-color photo was in the news. It will last forever in my mind unlike the black and white images of the past.

This news pulled me back, many years. It also revived some of my fears. And for another student lost, it brought tears.

I was the teacher. You were the student. But, it turns out I was the learner. Our paths may have crossed for my own improvement.

I was far less than thirty, you were not yet a teen. There was an ignorance bridging between.

I learned how to teach, but was not yet fully prepared. So, some of your needs I may never have reached.

When you boldly presented her hand-on-hip, purple bow swagger, the kids laughed, she melted, and his pain exploded as anger.

I tried to minimize the ongoing tension, but today in my more mature candor, I don’t know if I did enough to support or understand her?

I don’t remember what I knew or believed back then. I can’t be sure that my responses, were how I would do it, if I could do it again.

No matter the name you chose, or changes you transitioned through, in the photo, I saw the sparkle in your brown eyes, I saw you.

Your nose was the same, gold hoops and a chain added charm. You wore a peach flower on your arm, and a pink gloss on your lips.

I recognized the sparkle in your brown eyes. It sent my heart surging a few skips.

Today it’s not about me, it’s about you, but I wonder, did I do all I could do?

Did I, in any way, add to your pain? Am I, in any way, a part of the stain?

When your blood dripped from the bullet wound, as you slipped away, did you feel the labels being removed?

Did you hope for someone long-forgotten like me to be moved to overdue action, so other lives could be improved?

For the sparkle in your brown eyes, for the loss, and for the wonder, my blue eyes cry.

There is also a part of me, filled with pride, knowing that you were able to be fully your true self, eventually.

The death sentence you faced is a disgrace, not for you, but for everyone, that discounts anyone, in the human race.

I can’t tolerate ignorance that contributes to injustice, allowing things to stay the same.

We don’t have time for blame, but we must train and support change, to honor your name.

Moving Forward

I have forgiven myself for not knowing if I handled every situation with my students in the most supportive way possible through the years. I have accepted that I always did the best I could at the time and I will always strive to do better. I have to love myself in order to love others.

I have pledged to continue to help other teachers and other people better understand and support all students.

Final Thoughts

I remember the first book I read that explored gender. It was Middlesex, by Jeffrey Eugenides. That was years after I shared my classroom with the student remembered in this poem.

So much more information and training is available today than there was back then. I urge people to be as well informed, understanding and accepting as possible.

Thanks for reading! Love yourself, love others. If needed, forgive yourself, and do better. All people deserve love.

Thank you, Darshak Rana, for the Spiritual Saturday prompt: Love