Suicide Awareness, Prevention, and Men’s Mental Health.

Men are suffering, and nobody seems to care.

In the United States, suicide is the 2nd most common cause of death for men under the age of 45.

If you didn’t already know, September is Suicide Awareness and Prevention Month. Suicide is complicated and tragic, and it is often preventable.

World Suicide Prevention Day is September 10. As we honor this time, we want to take the time to remember those affected by suicide, to raise awareness, and to focus efforts on directing treatment to those who need it most.

Knowing the warning signs for suicide and how to get help can help save lives. Learn about behaviors that may be a sign that someone is thinking about suicide. Learn by visiting nimh.nih.gov/suicideprevention.

Not everyone who struggles with their mental health deserves to be stigmatized or cast into a pit of shame. Men don’t often ask for help but make up more than roughly 75% of all deaths by suicide.

Men don’t need to succumb to thoughts of hopelessness and despair.

Each day, nearly 12 men in the UK die by suicide. Suicide is a leading cause of death for men under age 50.

When men see themselves as part of a greater story, one of greater meaning and purpose in the world, there is a certain level of propelling motivation that is built, along with mental health resilience for when times get tough.

Stories of health and healing also need to be highlighted by news and media to give people hope, motivation, and encouragement… not despair and nihilism like we so often see projected today.

As men see themselves in a better story, they develop narrative traction, as best-selling author Donald Miller discusses in his latest book, Hero on a Mission: A Path to a Meaningful Life. The story men tell themselves is much more important than what we give it credit for.

Over 120 years ago, James Allen published the memorable book, As a Man Thinketh.

As a Man Thinketh reveals the hidden powers and possibilities within yourself by expounding on the importance of thought. Your own thoughts shape your character, circumstance, and destiny, and the control of your own thoughts liberates us from undesirable experiences. In our never-ending pilgrimage to a deeper understanding of life, there is no better prescription than the mastery over the mind. — Amazon Book Description

How We Think Matters.

How we think about ourselves and our stories matters quite a lot actually.

When we shame modern men for playing video games in their parents’ basement, it doesn’t help. The problem is not the adult child, but rather the story (or lack thereof) the man believes about himself. Video games provide a means of escape, adventure, meaning, and direction for the modern-man who lacks the same kind of opportunities in modern life.

Look around, we are coddled and distracted. Read books like Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence and the The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure and you’ll quickly see how today’s systems do not support our good health, especially with respect to men’s mental health.

Men are struggling and nobody seems to care. For those who care, they don’t often know how to specifically address the disparities that exist in men’s health.

Take the recent trend of counseling and therapy that has surged over the last few years. While today’s popular form of talk therapy may sufficiently serve most women, it fails to provide the tactical, practical, strategic tools that most men crave when it comes to real world problems.

Because in fact, men like to see problems as projects, items they can work with and toil through, especially if that means they can get their hands dirty to finally finish the project and move on. Most men don’t want to endlessly sit with negative emotions. Men are mostly pragmatic and lack the emotional breadth and depth that most women walk with every day.

Listen, men and women are different — and that’s a beautiful thing.

But if we must build our society’s structures of education and counseling upon a feminine template, we are obviously ignoring the needs of most young boys and adult men struggling to find a reason to strive.

Global organizations like UNESCO, The World Bank, The Brookings Institute, and others have been reporting on the disengagement and educational underachievement trends for boys and young men for over a decade. Have we made any significant redirections to course-correct? No, no we have not.

New York Post: Why American boys are failing at school — and men are losing in life (2022).

AskMen.com: Why schools aren’t built for boys (2011).

Deseret News: Higher education just isn’t built for men right now (2021).

Jordan Peterson has also spoken up about this painful disparity for young men today. When reflecting on today’s classroom setting Peterson suggests that extroverted boys will be seen as hyperactive, and the creative types will often have fragmented attention spans due to their variety of interests. So, what happens to these boys?

Well, they are disincentivized to act upon their innate strengths and are routinely seen as a negative impact on the classroom setting.

Sure, if it seems like there are certain boys that want to bounce off the walls, that’s probably true. Instead of trying to tie them in their seats, maybe we try to tear down the walls instead?

We could also delve into the debates for rising rates of ADD/ADHD diagnosis, but I’ve written about this extensively elsewhere. I recommend you go read the stories linked below.

Many would argue for the benefits of play-based learning for children’s education because our brains learn best through play. Unfortunately, estimates suggest that the average American spends about 93% of their time indoors.

If you’re interested in learning more about what we can do to solve the education crisis for boys and men, I suggest you go watch this TED talk by Richard Reeves.

Let’s transition back to another setting that isn’t well suited for most men, everyday talk therapy.

Do you think talking about problems will solve them after 5 sessions or 12? How many visits will men need to plan and pay for to move forward?

If those who are asked to sit in talk therapy couldn’t sit still in school growing up, what makes us think that they will feel safe, secured, comfortable and well-understood sitting in a quiet, crisp, clean sofa chair in a counseling office or over the phone?

We are doing men a grave disservice byasking them to participate in something they routinely dread, assuming they can reach an elevated consciousness by juggling words and phrases back and forth across comfy cushions in a too-neat office.

Sure, this approach may help open some men up to their own emotions and allow them to feel comfortable sitting with those emotions, but it lacks to support them with the tools to actually work on the project they are dealing with — their modern lives. Sure, we can “get things off our chest” in talk therapy, but venting does not equate to healing the root cause of the issue or truly remedying the core problem.

When men are struggling, perhaps talk therapy is an option they should look at, but it can’t be the only possible course of action men can take.

Ryan Holiday wrote his now famous book, The Obstacle is the Way, coming from a stoic philosophy perspective. I’m not suggesting men must be stoic, but there are certain principles that resonate with men. Men don’t want to exhaust their vocabulary talking about the obstacle, they want to move through the obstacle that is in their way.

Now let’s beckon back the concept of the story we tell ourselves. If the obstacle in a man’s life is internal, it’s about the story. If the obstacle in a man’s life is external, it’s about the story. The obstacle takes place in every man’s story, believe it or not.

In fact, it is profitable for a man to have an obstacle in his way.

A man without an obstacle is a man without a way. A man without a way lacks direction and purpose, and we all know where that can lead us.

You can do the research yourself to learn more, which I encourage you to do so, but did you know by chance that a prominent risk for suicide is depression and anxiety? Did you also know that common medications like SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) are well known to actually increase risks for thoughts of suicide in children and adolescents?

It’s true.

The same medication we use to “treat” depression and anxiety in folks has the potential side effect to increase thoughts of suicide in some people. I think it is well worth our time and attention to know these facts. There has also been a history of using SSRIs to treat people with ADHD and dual diagnosis of ADHD and depression, which are also commonly associated with one another just like suicide and depression.

Again, I think we must face these realities head on if we hope to improve the state of mental health, counseling, treatment, and especially the gaps of care in men’s mental health.

I’m not here to scare us about this issue but to bring it to light with grace, love, and support for all of those who care, which I’m going to assume to be you since you’re still here reading. I appreciate you.

Now, you might be sitting there thinking, “What should I look out for?” and “How can I help?”

Here Are a Few Warning Signs of Suicide?

Warning signs that someone may be at immediate risk for attempting suicide could include:

• Talking about wanting to die or wanting to kill themselves
• Talking about feeling empty or hopeless or having no reason to live
• Talking about feeling trapped or feeling that there are no solutions
• Feeling unbearable emotional or physical pain
• Talking about being a burden to others
• Withdrawing from family and friends

Other serious warning signs that someone may be at risk for attempting suicide include:

• Displaying extreme mood swings, suddenly changing from very sad to very calm or happy
• Making a plan or looking for ways to kill themselves, such as searching for lethal methods online, stockpiling pills, or buying a gun
• Talking about feeling great guilt or shame
• Using alcohol or drugs more often
• Acting anxious or agitated
• Changing eating or sleeping habits
• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge

How to Help Someone You Know

If you know someone who is at immediate risk of suicide, call 911 right away. It can be difficult when someone you know expresses thoughts about suicide, but you can show support by doing the following:

• Talk. Your willingness to express your concern for the person in crisis can be the first step in getting that person help.
• Listen. Being an active listener is another way of reminding a person in crisis that they are not alone.
• Remain Present. Your physical and emotional presence in the person’s life makes a difference. If you are worried about their safety, get help from a mental health professional immediately.
• Call or text 988. Last year, 988 was activated as a new three-digit dialing code. When someone dials 988, they will be connected to the existing National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. This confidential support line is available 24 hours a day to provide free help to people in suicidal crisis or mental health-related distress.

Personally, I’m a fan of Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning and his work on logotherapy when we think about a more pragmatic approach to mental health. There are plenty of men who could benefit from rewriting their story and redefining their lives from the ground up. Men need to know their why and the following resources can reinforce that growth.

To better understand the need for narrative traction, check our Donald Miller’s Hero on a Mission. To learn more about how to help men rewrite their personal life story, check out Jordan Peterson’s work with fellow colleagues on Self-Authoring.

People who spend time writing carefully about themselves become happier, less anxious and depressed and physically healthier. They become more productive, persistent and engaged in life. This is because thinking about where you came from, who you are and where you are going helps you chart a simpler and more rewarding path through life.

This topic can be challenging for us to discuss, but openly discuss we must. I share this podcast with you as a way of educating, empowering, and inspiring us to think deeper on pressing issues of today.

I want to call us into something greater in the scope of supporting men’s mental health and suicide prevention. We have a lot of room to grow and despite the great expansion of mental health services across the country, we are still lacking in very specific sectors.