Sugar Daddies Want Something Between an Escort and a Girlfriend

My take on why men become sugar daddies.

Why do men become sugar daddies? During the several years that I sugar dated, I saw four different reasons.

Reason #1: a man is married and doesn’t want to leave his wife, but he also wants more sex than he’s getting at home. He doesn’t want to have an affair because that would mean cheating, but he doesn’t want to see an escort either, because that would mean he’s a john. A sugar baby is the best of both worlds. A man pays a woman to have sex with him on an ongoing basis, but because he gives her money, he doesn’t “owe” her an emotional commitment.

Reason #2: a man is older and seeking an actual relationship with a woman, but because he wants to date a much younger woman, he sweetens the deal with offers to pay her bills.

Reason #3: a man is single but not interested in a conventional relationship. He still wants the sense of having a girlfriend but only once in a while.

Reason #4: a man is a narcissist and wants to feel like women worship him, so he gives them “gifts” to do so.

The sugar daddy is in the power role.

In my opinion, in sugar dating, the sugar daddy is in the role of power.

According to the website where I met my sugar daddies, the women on the site outnumber the men four to one.

Men can sit back and let women contact them.

Because of this, they also get to set the terms of the arrangement.

Unlike escorting, where a woman sets her rate and a man agrees to it, in sugar dating, the sugar daddy makes a financial offer to a woman. He also gets to decide whether or not he fulfills that offer.

I stayed away from men who said they wanted to give dating a try first, and only if it “worked out” would they pay my bills. In my opinion, that gave a man too much power.

I didn’t want to wait around till he decided if he liked me or not, and therefore whether or not I would get his financial help.

I preferred the “pay for play” model. Each time I met with a man for sex, I received a financial “gift.”

This isn’t to say that I didn’t meet sugar daddies who felt like they’d been taken advantage of by women on the site.

The scheme I heard of most was that a woman would contact a man, demand he wire her money before they met, and then she’d disappear.

Sugar daddies aren’t looking for an escort.

A sugar daddy seeks a sugar baby because he wants more than the experience he’d get with an escort.

A man doesn’t want to feel like he’s a john. This is why, in my opinion, some sugar daddies offer to pay bills as opposed to giving a financial gift to a woman each time they meet.

Instead, a man sees himself as simply “helping out” a woman in need with some extra cash each month.

Sugar daddies also view escorts as carrying a health risk. Whether that’s true or not is up to question. I met a number of sugar babies, myself included, who were sleeping with multiple sugar daddies at a time.

So sugar dating doesn’t guarantee safer sex, and yet a lot of men try to convince themselves that it does. You have no idea how many men tried to get me to have sex without protection because they viewed themselves as older gentlemen and not part of a high-risk group for STDs.

That’s not true though. Sugar daddies and sugar babies both often have multiple partners, so there’s no way to guarantee the safety of a sexual experience.

And yet the illegal aspect of escorting can also be a turn-off for many sugar daddies. They don’t want to get arrested for paying for sex.

But they’re still paying for sex in some form.

Discussion of money is more subtle though. It often doesn’t happen until a first meeting in a public place. Nevertheless, the discussion still happens.

My sugar daddies were often happily married but sexually unsatisfied.

That said, most of my sugar daddies didn’t want an actual girlfriend. They were married, and often happily so.

They didn’t want to feel like they were cheating on their wives. They didn’t want to take on a mistress because that opened the possibility for drama. They didn’t want to feel like they were straying emotionally.

But they remained dissatisfied with their lives. There was some urge their wives couldn’t fulfill.

On the outside their lives looked perfect. They lived in big, beautiful houses and drove luxury cars. They had smart, healthy children and high-paying jobs. But they wanted more.

This isn’t to say that they hated their wives. They often told me how much they loved the women they were married to. But the passion was gone. Their wives no longer wanted to have sex with them — or they didn’t want to have sex enough. Or the sex was too routine.

My sugar daddies wanted the kind of sex their wives wouldn’t give them. They wanted anal sex or deep throating or threesomes. They also wanted sex that was centered on them.

Their pleasure was the focus. My pleasure was secondary.

Some sugar daddies did want a “real” relationship.

I did meet some sugar daddies who were looking to fall in love.

I went to bed with one man who paid me for the first date, but after that, the assumption was that he would pay my bills, but that we’d also be together exclusively.

I didn’t want that. If I had wanted a traditional boyfriend, I would’ve been on a traditional dating site.

I realize that even in the mainstream world, relationships exist where one partner pays for everything. A man might be the family breadwinner, and his wife doesn’t work but stays home with the kids.

And yet I also believe that in “normal” dating, chatting about being paid for sex doesn’t begin on the first date.

Other sugar daddies didn’t want a relationship.

Some of my sugar daddies were “done” with women and that was why they were on the site. They were often divorced, and the marriage had ended badly. They didn’t want to get emotionally involved with another woman ever again.

They didn’t want to deal with the drama of a conventional relationship where they felt controlled by women.

I had one sugar daddy who had been married to an abusive woman. His ex turned him off entirely to women. From then on he only wanted to pay for sex.

He always spoiled me though. He took me to the finest restaurants and bought me gifts. But there was no commitment. He dropped me for another sugar baby and has probably dropped her by now, too.

The narcissist sugar daddy.

Among the types of men I met while I was sugar dating was “the narcissist.” This man wanted to sugar date just to inflate his own ego.

I had one sugar daddy who liked me to “worship” his penis. He wanted me to spend hours licking and kissing it. I was to treat him as a god.

He was on the younger side and traditionally handsome. He also had a girlfriend at home.

But he needed more validation. His various sugar babies provided that.

He was rude, though, and I finally stopped seeing him.

I preferred dating older men who felt at least a little privileged to be dating a younger woman like myself.

The best sugar daddy was a geek in his youth but had always wanted to date a beautiful woman.

Now that he’d reached a point in his career where he could pay to date one, he did. Even so, he remained grateful.

The naive sugar daddy.

I also met a type of sugar daddy who I believe enjoyed the fantasy of sugar dating but didn’t actually have the money to do so.

I call him the “naive sugar daddy.”

This kind of sugar daddy seemed unaware that the cornerstone of sugar dating was giving a woman “sugar” in exchange for sex.

And yet I met men who offered nothing more than lingerie in exchange for sleeping with them.

Another man offered to pay for the hotel we’d meet in to have sex. That was it.

I wanted more. Whether it was “pay for play” or pay my bills, a man had to pay something.

A man should only become a sugar daddy if he’s willing to do that.

But don’t think I only sugar dated for the money. I enjoyed my time with my sugar daddies. They were smart, sophisticated and well-traveled, and we had great conversations about life.

We got to know each other on a personal level. We used our real names, and I often knew where they lived.

And yes, I benefited from our arrangement. They took me out to dine in fancy restaurants and gave me financial “gifts.”

But the relationships were always on their terms, and the sex was centered on their enjoyment, not mine.

If a woman’s looking for real love, I suggest she look somewhere else.