Success Does Not Always Equal Money

Controversial, I know, but I do not believe that success can be defined by how much money we make. This is maybe an unpopular viewpoint for a careers coach when clients come to me to help them move up the ladder, so let me explain.

As a society, we love to buy things. We are part of a culture of consumers. We want the house. We want the car. We want the stuff. It is not surprising then that we often define our value and success, and that of others, on how much money we make. If someone owns a 5-bed house, they are doing better than someone renting a flat. If someone is CEO of a company, they are more successful than someone who has an entry-level job at the same company. Right? This has been drilled into us, and it becomes our benchmark for defining success.

Does success equal money?

However, what if we look at success in a different way. Does success always have to be about money? What if that CEO in the five-bedroom house hates what she does. She’s close to burnout, missing out on all the things she wants to do because she works so many hours.

What if the person doing the entry-level job in the rented flat lives there because he spent his money traveling the world, living the life he always dreamed of? He’s back to earn some money and see family, and then he’s heading off for a few months of freedom again. Who is really most successful? Surely the definition of success should not be so objective.

Often the sum of success equals money is so ingrained in us that we don’t even realize that sometimes it isn’t money we’re seeking. Sometimes, it is, of course, and will depend largely on people’s circumstances, but it is often not that straightforward.

It’s never just about the money.

When I work with clients on their career plans, I get them to do some exercises to really drill down deeply to see what they want for their lives and let me tell you, it’s rarely money. They think it is, but it’s not. Ultimately, they want some form of happiness, freedom, time, and balance, and they believe that money is what will get them that.

“If I get a promotion, it will mean working more hours but I will make enough money to retire early.”

“If I work more hours, I will be able to afford more holidays and time off.”

“If I stay here a few more years, even though I hate it, I’ll retire on a full salary pension.”

All these things are valid, but the goal is what the money will bring for most of my clients. Fun in retirement, holidays, security. What if we take the money out of the equation for a second. Rather than working longer hours, hating a job now, for the time back in retirement, what if you could make some changes (that aren’t necessarily in line with the traditional model of success) and take the time now, in the prime of life?

I’m not for one second saying money isn’t important or that it’s wrong to want it. No way! I love making money. I’m not ashamed to admit that. Hell, if you’re reading this now, I’m making money from Medium. If you click to find out more about me and buy a course (ting! ting!) money in the bank. Thank you very much!

I am also not as naive to say that money is very important. Money means food, independence, and a roof over our family's head. I’m really just giving the nod to having some perspective. We need money to live in this world, of course, but does how much we make really define how successful we are? For me, alongside money is balance. I am earning enough money to do what I want but not at the expense of doing what I want. Do you see?

What I’m saying is, money isn’t blindly my goal. Making money and achieving ‘success’ is worthless if you’ve left behind balance, time, and happiness. Often we think more money will bring us more of what we are looking for without realizing we can have it now.

Many of the mums I work with within my coaching business believe they have to go back to their corporate jobs even when their maternal instincts scream that they don’t want that.

They are conditioned to think that if they jump off the corporate ladder, they are giving up status and success, and by doing so, they are made to feel like an enormous failure. These women sometimes carry on along this path. They get the house and the holidays, but they miss their children growing up and are full of regrets. I see this time and again, and it breaks my heart.

My defining moment

This gets me so deeply because it could have been me. When I was pregnant, I thought I’d have no problem going back to work, but we had an unexpected start to our lives as parents, and my daughter was born ten weeks early.

My beautiful baby girl was hurled into the world by an emergency cesarean to save my life, and she changed my perspective on the world forever. From the moment we bought our tiny miracle home, I knew that nothing was as important as spending time with her, whatever the cost. I pushed for fewer hours when I went back to work, and eventually, I quit and set up my own business working when she slept.

Money was tight, but I knew it wouldn’t be forever. It wasn’t easy for a while, and I had doubts about people judging me for leaving my job, but it paid in the long run, and we knew it was right for us.

Our tiny 2lb baby and her equally loved younger sister are in school now, and I am focusing on my career again. My business is growing and thriving, but this lesson taught me what was important. For me, having the freedom to collect my girls from school every day and be there for them during the school holidays is non negotiable in my business. That was always my goal, and it makes me feel successful to be living it.

Balance

Success for me is owning a business that brings balance and allows me to be a parent first. I work out what we need and how much money I want to make, and I aim for that, rather than “as much as I can make”. I base my business projections on balancing work time and family time to ensure I avoid being a stressful shouty mum. I don’t live the shiny glamourous life many coaches proclaim to live, but I work school hours only, have time with my family, and my remote work means we have been able to move to a beautiful village in the countryside.

My point here is, we should all have our own definition of success. We don’t have to feel judged and tied to society's definition. If being at the top of a company is a success for you, great, do it! If being a stay-at-home mum makes you feel like you’re winning, and you can afford it, be that. If selling up and living your life on the road is for you, that’s a success story.

Live your truth, and don’t feel tied to anyone else's version of what you should and shouldn’t be.

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