Subway

Summary

A woman in a subway is uncertain whether a man's unrelenting gaze is directed at her or an advertisement, leading her to reflect on past instances of perceived scrutiny and her own insecurities about her academic work.

Abstract

In the narrative, a woman riding the subway feels discomfort from a man's intense gaze, which she cannot definitively interpret as being directed at her or at an advertisement nearby. This incident triggers a cascade of self-doubt, as she recalls other moments where she felt unfairly judged or scrutinized by others. These include an aggressive woman in a grocery store, a seemingly disapproving old woman in a doctor's waiting room, and a critical academic advisor. Despite her achievements, including nearing the completion of her doctoral thesis, she questions her own perceptions and worries about being seen as paranoid or overly sensitive. The man's sudden departure from the subway brings her back to reality, reinforcing her resolve to persevere through her discomfort and self-doubt.

Opinions

The woman feels uncertain and scrutinized, which causes her discomfort and self-doubt.
She is concerned that her instincts may be unreliable and that she might be overthinking social interactions.
The protagonist is introspective, questioning whether her feelings of being judged are based on reality or a product of her own insecurities.
Despite her academic success, she experiences moments of vulnerability regarding her work and others' perceptions of her.
The narrative suggests a theme of the psychological impact of perceived judgment and the challenge of maintaining confidence in one's own abilities and perceptions.

Subway

Underground

She couldn’t tell whether he was staring at her or at the comely woman featured in the ad, just above her right ear.

His gaze was unrelenting.

She was uncomfortable.

Yet she was resolved to stay put. To stand firm against this constant intrusion of sight.

If that’s what it was, of course.

Lately, she’d noticed that her instincts were dulling; that they were less than reliable in their intensity.

That time at the grocery store; she was convinced that the loud and pushy woman behind her in the checkout line was subtly directing her rage forward.

That time in the doctor’s waiting room when the kindly old woman with the cane abruptly stopped smiling as soon as their eyes met.

That time more recently when her academic advisor reminded her of the importance of “really putting [her] all” into her work. That one really hurt.

And this one was starting to feel painful too.

What if he wasn’t staring at her? Did that mean she was paranoid? Deluded? Crazy?

The woman at the grocery store had been speaking to her husband, apparently.

The old woman with the cane appeared to have the cloud of glaucoma in her eyes. Could she see anything at all?

Her Masters had been completed many years earlier and now she was near the phoenix of her studies, ready to defend her doctoral thesis in a mere number of months. It had been a long haul, but she was nearing the end. Surely she wouldn’t have gotten to this point by submitting mediocre work.

As if snapping out of a dream, he suddenly stood up and quickly got off at the next stop.