Students, Meet Rebekka

The new girl in town

When the teacher introduced Rebekka, who had recently moved here from a place called The Depths Of Your Mind, wherever that place was, I was screwed. Utterly, completely, absolutely, screwed-to-the-ground screwed. But I didn’t know that yet. Not even when Rebekka was assigned the seat right next to mine. Hurray, I thought. A perfect opportunity to make a new friend.

Years later, when we were no longer tiny, annoying kids, but slightly larger, annoying teenagers, Rebekka and I still kept in touch. Quite frequently, I must say. I was convinced that I needed no other friend. Rebekka was occupying too much of my time anyways.

She was a strange character, but entirely trustworthy. Whenever someone invited me to a birthday party, for example, she’d scoff and say ‘Really? You? They probably just want higher turnout or they’re just being nice.’ I’d decline the invitation because hey, I already had plans with Rebekka. Also, she said the preparations would be too much of a hassle and they’ll judge you for what you wear and what gift you brought anyway.

She was encouraging, too. There was one time where I was struggling to open a packet of food. This random guy walked up and jokingly commented something about not having enough strength. Rebekka immediately whispered ‘It’s not a joke, they’re saying you‘re weak, dude. Go workout or something.’ I’d never have started working out without that little push!

The weird thing was, whenever I mentioned Rebekka, people looked at me with a blank face. Who’s that? They’d ask. No one seemed to have seen her before, even though she had obviously made a few appearances beside me. But anyway, she still had my back.

Whenever someone wanted to know information about myself that was entirely too personal, like, ‘what’s your favourite colour’, Rebekka would swoop in and give them a non-response. ‘It keeps changing’ or ‘What’s yours?’ Total lifesaver! Other people say our relationship always feels a little distant, but as long as I have one close relationship — the one with Rebekka — I’m absolutely fine, right?

Except yesterday was our little kindergarten reunion. Yeah, I didn’t know people had those either (don’t they have better stuff to do?), but I got it in my email inbox last week. And when I asked my ex-classmates about the time the new girl Rebekka came into the classroom, no one — not even the teacher, who checked the records — could remember there being a new girl at all.

Notes

Well that wasn’t entirely dramatic. If you haven’t guessed already, Rebekka is meant to represent relationship insecurity (yes, I picked the name because the first two letters are ‘re’). The three scenarios — the party invitation, the opening of the packet of food, and the favourite colour question — illustrate some of ways this insecurity can manifest itself in relationships. Difficulty trusting, taking things too personally, and feeling like your relationships are distant. This totally applies to friendships too — not just romantic relationships.

I think many people have relationship insecurities to some degree. It’s just harder to notice them because you never know when someone is acting out of themselves, or out of their insecurity. A lot of these signs can also be interpreted as something else entirely.

For instance, if someone takes things too personally and acts out, you might just perceive them as being too sensitive, instead of someone who feels insecure about their relationships. And if someone keeps avoiding your questions, whether they’re objectively personal or not, you might just perceive them as being disinterested in being your friend.

Thus, if you have these insecurities, know that you’re not alone, even if it might seem hard to find someone else to relate too. It’s just the insecurity getting in the way again.

Thank you Diana C. for the Tuesday prompt!