Stuck with my Asian Parents during Pandemic

It Did not go as Planned

Each year my parents would come for visit us from China and stay in Melbourne for a short three months vocational period.

It is sweet to have them over once a year. Not only that they get to see their grandchildren, they are also my best excuse to splash heftily on annual family holiday.

In the past 4 years, we have together explored some of the most fascinating destinations in Australia; we drove a caravan to Byron Bay, experienced scuba diving at the Great Barrier Reef, walked on the beach of Whitsundays islands, cruised around wineglass bay at Tasmania, and set a tent near the Blue mountains.

My bucket list of things that I want to experience with parents are slowly ticked off.

I left home at the age of 17, came to study in Australia alone. The longest period that I haven’t visit my parents in China is 6 years. Now seeing them with grey hairs, I felt the invisible responsibilities weighing down my shoulders.

As my parents’ only child. I need to make up for those years that I couldn’t spend time with them, and I want to be the good daughter they can proudly “show off” in front of their friends.

Yes, the last part is forced by my selfish ego.

My partner, I, and our 4 years old enjoyed the time they stayed with us. Three month is perfect. It is enough time to do many things together, and not enough time to build grudge towards anyone.

2020, we expected a new member to join our little family in late February. My parents came down in January, we were ecstatic.

But it did not go as planned this year.

You would guessed it right, because of the unprecedented Covid-19 pandemic, flights were cancelled several times. Melbourne went to stage 3 lockdown in mid of March, as I am writing this, the state of Victoria has just announced “State in Disaster” Stage 4 lockdown.

Even if their were International flights , I would not feel comfortable or safe for my parents to sit on a 10 hours flight back to China and subsequently followed with a 14 day’s quarantine.

We have decided that my parents would stay as long as their visas allow them.

It is one whole year!

I have not lived with my parents for over a consecutive three months for 15 years. Now, I am a grown up, have family, kids, and we are stuck with my parents for 12 months in a lockdown city.

This is going to be awkward!

Luckily, our new born kept us busy for few months. But very soon, it became problematic.

“Kids are growing, they need more.” Unconditional Love.

In case you don’t know about Asian parents, just a bit of background , most of them treat their child’s life as their own. And their caring are often expressed through repetitive nagging and doing too much for their kids.

My parents are no different.

As Melbourne is becoming colder, parents would endlessly remind me to add extra layer and not to walk with bare foot. They would dress our older son with a Uniqlo HEATTECH turtle neck, plus a long sleeve shirt, plus a jumper, on top of that, a vest. My partner, who was born and raised up in Australia, would often looked puzzled staring at our little puffy bear.

Mum took over all meal preparation and cooking duties. She would wake up early each morning to make gourmet breakfast and stay up late to marinate gravy beef for next day . She is like a cooking Ninja, has everything under her belt.

Like many Asian grandparents, they think their grandchild is always hungry and not having enough nutrients. My parents would chase our older son around the house and feed him food while he is building lego, just to make sure he has that one egg per day, one more bite of fish and more rice. When I ask parents to let my son sit and eat by himself, they would insist to feed him. Because “kids are growing, they need more”.

The magic afternoon tea. Confession.

Asian parents are critical, to a point of persnickety. They generally have an opinion on everything we do.

They think we should have plant veggies instead of flowers in the backyard.

They find use of everything that I intend to donate.

They think it is wasting water using cloth nappies.

They do not believe in dishwasher, they rather hand wash all dishes and think it is far more hygienic to use hot water than detergent.

And they think, as parents we should do everything we can to afford a house that is next to the “best school”.

Parents have worked their whole life to be able to provide for me, not for themselves. They have been living frugally, but would spend their life savings on me and my kids.

There were moments, I got frustrated about how they are designing our life. But, I couldn’t bother to explain, I did not think they would be willing to understand.

This year, we got stuck together, in order to make quarantine life more fun, we start to make afternoon tea almost everyday. Surprisingly, with over dosed sugar, we all opened up, we talked about literally everything over tea time, from politics, relationships, my goals in life to aunt’s dog. We talked, confessed, even brought to drops of tears.

First time cut hair for Dad. Acceptance.

One of many skills I picked up during quarantine is doing hair cut.

I thought to extend my service and invited dad as my first customer.

Dad is the typical Asian father figure. As an ex army, he does not easily show his affection and is very strict on me since young. He was hardly around when I was growing up. He would normally check on my grades when he was home, and showed very little expression on his face. Dad is highly recognised for his work, also a talent chess player and skilful table tennis player. He had expectations on me, but I was never good enough to impress him.

He was my role model.

When I was combing down and snipping off his hair, it was the first time I felt so close to him. At least, in a very long time. Dad is no longer that tough, pride father I remembered from young. Time has left marks on him.

When I was younger, I used to think there is plenty of time. Until I make to the point where I want to be, I will spend more time to do things I enjoy. Yet, life changes faster than my plan.

If anyone tells you that you have enough time to do something, that is the biggest lie. Stop self-comforting, time is scarce, I have to learn accepting all possibilities.

Later in the day, I told dad that I would like to help him trim his hair every month.