Struggling Writer? Fix Your Fragile Ego With This Simple Life Lesson
Gain confidence and hope with this mindset shift
I am a calm driver.
But not today.
The clock says 8.07 pm. It’s been 13 long hours since I left my home. Driving a van of furniture 290 miles. Carrying it up 4 flights of narrow stairs to my step-daughter’s new flat. Has left me tired and grumpy. Every muscle aches and I’m desperate to get home and tuck into a takeaway.
But I’m sitting motionless 67 miles from home.
A snake of still traffic lies ahead of me. Frustration rises through my body as time ticks away. My hands bang the dashboard, as my brain groans why is life so unfair?
An ambulance screams past on the hard shoulder of the motorway. Hope starts to rise — maybe they’ll get us moving soon.
Moments later — a second ambulance.
Then a third — reality breaks through my fog of despair. There’s been a serious accident.
A fourth ambulance passes.
And a fifth.
A slap across the face, changing everything for me.
I try to grasp the scale of what’s up the road. How many cars and people if 5 ambulances are needed? How many serious injuries? Deaths?
Lives and families changed forever. Never to forget this dark moment.
But I’ll soon be enjoying a takeaway resting in front of a movie. Frustrations all dissolved. Next week this traffic jam forgotten.
I’m embarrassed at my anger that someone’s death had interrupted my day.
The problem we all need to solve
We spend much of our time in the gap between how our life is and how we want it to be:
- We want to complete this project
- We want to earn more money
- We want more subscribers
- We want more readers
We measure ourselves against the horizon of where we want to be.
In the short term, this inspires action.
But in the long term, it makes us miserable.
It focuses our attention on our inadequacy, that we are not enough. We are preying on our insecurities to generate motivation.
This is a problem because the goalposts keep moving.
Every bit of progress moves us but moves the horizon too.
- I remember my 1st 100 followers on Medium
- I remember my 1st 100 newsletter subscribers
- I remember a viral tweet with 27k views
- I remember earning my 1st $20 online
All moments when I felt amazing but within a few weeks I was dissatisfied. Wanting more. There was another peak to conquer.
This happens to everyone but few find a way to cope.
The secret to eternal confidence
I discovered on that motorway the mental shift that changes everything.
Life becomes better when you switch your focus from yearning for what you don’t have to realising what you do have.
From feeling angry about wasting 2 hours in traffic. I was transported to a place of joy that I was alive and safe.
This is more than a gratitude (as useful as that is).
It’s about what we measure.
You’ll gain everything you are seeking — joy, confidence, energy — by changing what you measure yourself against.
Instead of looking to the horizon and measuring how far short you are of your dreams. Turn your head 180 degrees and see your progress. Measure the gap between your past and your now.
- How much progress have you made in the last 3 months?
- How much have you learned in the last year?
- Compare you from 10 years ago
This doesn’t diminish ambition. It fuels it. When you see your progress you are energised to take more action. Your confidence rises.
Like me on that motorway — you’ll forget to do this. Your default mode is your future gap. You’ll need strong practices to correct this imbalance.
- notice 3 wins at the end of the day
- start your weekly review with the progress you’ve made
- have a monthly coffee date when you identify all your gains
You can look to the horizon to check your direction.
But don’t use it as a measuring stick.
Celebrate your gains to gain more confidence.
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