#12DOK | STRIVING FOR KINDNESS

Striving for a Better You in 2022? Here’s an Easy Way to Start

And it’s all based on the law of averages

2021 is behind us and 2022 is, at this moment in time, a wide open book.

For many of us, that means setting goals and intentions or making resolutions.

We want to be better than we were last year; to learn from the mistakes that we made and improve on our achievements. The core of our resolve is always to be a better version of the version we were working on last year. The reason we don’t do what is required to meet our goals is almost certainly due to not being what we set out to be.

We fell short because we weren’t quite consistent, motivated, strong-willed, self-loving, or hard-working enough.

So, instead of looking at what quantifiable goals we want to meet — the number of kilos we want to shed, or the number of dollars we want to up our side-hustle income to — how about looking at what we want to be more of in the coming year.

And, of course, since I am on a roll with the current theme of kindness, I am going to use this as an example.

How can we BE more kind?

Jim Rohn once said:

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

A simple and actionable way to start cultivating the qualities you most desire to grow within yourself is to start spending more time with other people who possess those qualities.

It makes complete and utter sense that when someone shows you kindness, it softens your heart towards them, towards yourself, and towards others.

If someone pays you a compliment and says;

“That dress really suits you. The shape is perfect and the colour compliments your complexion.”

Does it make you feel good? Probably.

And then, instead of looking at yourself in the mirror and only seeing the negative aspects of yourself, you see yourself more from the perspective of the person who paid you the compliment. You start to show a kinder attitude towards yourself.

You reflect on how it made you feel to hear those words, and you realise how easy it is to make someone else feel that good too, and so you show the same generosity to another.

The kindness shown to you gets paid forward to another, and then the cycle continues.

Now imagine that you spend time with 5 kind people regularly

Imagine how much your self-image could change?

Imagine how much more love you show yourself and thus show to others around you?

Pretty simple.

So what do you do about the less kind people surrounding you?

Harsh as it may sound, if you are currently spending a significant amount of time with people who habitually show little kindness or generosity to those around them, you may need to make some difficult decisions.

It could mean cutting people out of your life who show the opposite of these qualities you wish to cultivate more of. It won’t necessarily be easy, for there may be people who are part of your close family circle who fall into that category. However, it is your right to decide on the qualities that you desire to be present in your life and you can set whatever boundaries you desire.

Cutting people completely from your circle isn’t always possible or easy…or kind. But creating a healthy distance is necessary nonetheless, and then stick to some clear boundaries.

If someone is regularly lowering the tone, talking down about people and creating feelings of negativity in you, it’s unlikely that saying anything will change them to become kinder. In fact, it’s kinder all round — to yourself, to those whose lives you personally impact, and to the Negative Nellie themselves — to create that distance and maintain it. You aren’t doing them any favours by putting up with it against your desires and your better judgement.

First BE, then you can DO

To summarise, focus on being more of what you desire to be by putting yourself in the right environment to cultivate those qualities effortlessly.

Only by starting here can you then do what is required to achieve all you desire to achieve in the year ahead.

Be more and then you can do more.

And, if nothing else, be kind.

Thank you for reading Day 11 of my #TwelveDaysOfKindness series. You can read the full list here.

Money raised from reads will all go to The Trussell Trust, to help feed those who would otherwise go hungry this winter. All coffees bought for me during this period will also be donated directly to The Trussell Trust.

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