Stress Management | Stress Mastery

Stress Mastery: Frustration or Fascination?

Stress Management or Stress Mastery — Your Call

Q:We recently had someone come to our company to talk about stress management. All he did was talk about the physical results of stress and tell us we need to not be so stressed and to relax. It really wasn’t very helpful, and I was wondering if you could offer some tips on how to handle stress.

A:You’ve run into a problem I see all too often in the field of stress management, as well as in any other area that involves change.

Anyone can describe the problem for you, sometimes in great detail. Then a few others can describe the problem and tell you what you should do about it. What you need is someone to tell you the how of managing stress.

3 Tools

To get you started on managing stress, here are three tools that you can use right away.

Tool of Relaxation

Here’s something I call push-button relaxation. Picture yourself somewhere that is very relaxing and peaceful. See, hear and feel everything as if you were there.

Create your own personal button to create this picture/feeling.

For some people it’s a snap of the fingers, others use a word or phrase — whatever quickly takes you there in your imagination. Use your push-button when you’re feeling stress and notice the difference.

Tool of Battle

This does not mean grab your sword and shield. It does mean to pick your battles wisely.

It’s vital to ask: Is this a battle worth fighting?

Many of us tend to major in minor things. We let too many little things upset us. The more you ask this question, the less you’ll have needless battles, and you’ll have less stress and more energy.

Tool of Fun and Spontaneity

We’ve just about killed off fun and spontaneity with our over-scheduled, day-planner-run lives. I’ve even seen one friend’s daily schedule that had a 15-minute block that reminded him to “have fun.”

Here’s my challenge to you: Sometime in the next week, do something spontaneous and fun.

Use all three of these tools if you really want to master stress.

Frustration or Fascination?

“Learn how to turn frustration into fascination. You will learn more being fascinated by life than you will by being frustrated by it.” ~ Jim Rohn

Simply stated, feeling frustrated is saying that we just don’t like what life is handing us right now, today, this week, this year, this lifetime. Nothing wrong with that necessarily, but like so many other things, it’s our response to frustrating events that makes the difference.

Let’s take a closer look at how to get frustrated and then at a few more productive responses to frustration.

How to get frustrated

• Take each and every obstacle that is thrown in your way very personally. Be convinced that the slow driver in front of you is doing it on purpose to you; perhaps he was even sent to find you.
• Approach life with a strong sense of entitlement. Believe that you deserve to get your way no matter what.
• Blow everything out of proportion. Frustrations come at us in varying degrees: On a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being the best and 10 being the worst, respond to every event as if it’s a 10.
• Live life in a constant state of stress, don’t slow down, and definitely don’t develop any patience.
• Get addicted to the rush of anger that comes with frustration.

Consequences of frustration

• Live in a state of perpetual anger.
• Say and do things you later regret.
• Face the same problems over and over again without ever discovering any solutions.

Eventually this level of stress will affect you physically in some way.

You teach your kids to react the same way.

How to get fascinated

• Reframe obstacles as “challenging learning opportunities.”
• Ask better questions. Instead of asking “why does this always happen to me” or “how dare they do this” practice asking this question:

“In how ways can I creatively solve this so that I might learn something new that will benefit myself and others.

Another good response would be:

“Well, isn’t this interesting. I wonder how we are going to solve this one?”

• Stop reacting and respond. Reacting shuts down your brain. Responding jump-starts your creativity.

Stress management expert Tim O’Brien uses the QTIP technique: Quit Taking It Personally. I’ve actually suggested carrying a Q-tip in a pocket as a reminder. Sounds silly perhaps, but it works.

Look at the things that get in your way as simply events, nothing more.

Like most things in life, we have a choice here. This time it’s between frustration and fascination.

Choose wisely.

Want more stress mastery tips? Then you’re invited to visit my Stress Mastery Hub: