Stress is Normal Even For Children

Summary

The Indian parenting culture often leads to stress for children due to high expectations, such as excelling academically and securing spots in elite colleges, with less emphasis on individual desires or well-being.

Abstract

In the Indian context, stress among children is pervasive due to cultural expectations that prioritize academic excellence and prestigious college admissions over play and personal choice. The article suggests that children are frequently admonished for engaging in leisure activities like playing with a Rubik's cube instead of studying. The competitive environment for college admission leaves little room for negotiation or complaint, shaping individuals from neglected children of overly involved parents to overworked adults who perpetuate the cycle with their own offspring. The transition to college, where previously top-performing students become just average, can be particularly challenging, marking a difficult introduction to adulthood.

Opinions

Children in India are often expected to prioritize studying over play, with any deviation potentially leading to parental disapproval.
The choice of college is typically made by parents, with more emphasis on the institution's desire for the student or, unfortunately, the family's financial contribution rather than the student's own preferences.
Indian children may experience neglect from 'helicopter parents' who are excessively focused on academic achievements, leading to a dichotomy of being both overly managed and under-cared for emotionally.
The daunting competition for elite colleges suppresses dissent among students, as there is no space for complaints.
The adjustment to college life can be a rude awakening for students who were used to being the best academically, as they struggle with no longer being the top performers and possibly facing academic failures.

Coming home with just a B+ grade is stressful

At this age, kids may behave like kids. They’re too young to study. Photo by author, 2005.

In the movie Lions For Lambs, Robert Redford in his role as college professor says,

We realize that we’re adults about a dozen decisions after adulthood starts.

I was nodding along, agreeing with him.

In India, it is the normal thing for parents to scold their kids for playing with a Rubik cube when they were supposed to be studying. Then again, it is normal for parents to pick a college. People only care which college wants you, not the other way around, or in sad cases, which college wants your Appa’s money.

We go from being the neglected kids of helicopter parents (yes, it is possible) to being productive and under-muscular teenagers, to being nerdy workaholics. Then we start the process all over again, with our kids.

A large number of aspirants show up for exams to elite colleges, and the competition is daunting. So kids don’t argue back much, either. There’s no room for whining.

It is when kids hit college and are no longer their school’s apex performers, that they struggle. You go from being a class topper to being in a class of former toppers, you become “average”, and hey, you may even fail an exam.

Welcome, adulthood!

INDIAN PARENTING

Stress is Normal Even For Children

Coming home with just a B+ grade is stressful