Strategies To Say No to Alcohol Even if You Feel Pressured To Drink
Read this if you feel pressured to drink in social situations.
“Get the f**k out of my face and take your alcohol and your sad-ass opinions with you.” That’s what I wanted to say.
I didn’t because in no situation was it ever going to be right for the mother of the bride to abuse a new family member, even if she did deserve a good slapping.
Getting sober brings with it new challenges, saying no to peer pressure is one of the toughest that you will have to master if you want to stand up for your values and stay sober.
I didn’t slap her, I didn’t shout at her, I took a deep breath, smiled through clenched teeth and spoke calmly.
This irritated her even more and we entered one of those false conversations. One where she pretended to be interested in why I wasn’t drinking and I pretended to give a f**k. She wanted me to take a drink so she could relax and drink without feeling judged but I didn’t want to.
A sea of glasses stretched out before us. Champagne and wine flowed like the river Thames and glasses were filled and refilled.
Outside storm Babet was raging, the rivers were overflowing, a gale was blowing and a man was drowning in the floodwaters. Inside a quiet storm was brewing, increasing in passive-aggressive intensity as the wine loosened tongues and let rip unchecked emotions.
The Unexpected Battle
Transforming from drinker to sober warrior brings with it a unique set of challenges.
One challenge I had never anticipated was the ferocity of peer pressure.
How to say no to our peers is not something we are taught at home or school, so most of us are ill-equipped to set boundaries and stand up for our values when challenged by a belligerent drinker.
When you start your drinking career no one ever tells you that you are joining a drinking cult for life.
It’s a cult that ultimately defines you, moulds you and shapes you. A cult that brings with it the power of peer pressure.
This cult dictates on what occasions you drink and how much you should drink. Sadly that appears to be every conceivable event in your life, from breaking a nail to becoming a Pulitzer prize winner.
However, certain events are sacrosanct and at these events, one is expected to drink. It is one’s duty.
They are the major life happenings such as Christmas, New Year, weddings, births, deaths, coming of age, jobs, and graduation.
At these events, peer pressure can be intense. Trying to stay sober at such times can leave you feeling frustrated or even worse drunk. I found this out the hard way at my daughter’s wedding.
Navigating Abusive Family Members And Fake Conversations
Everything was going smoothly and all was well. It was perfect until it wasn’t.
At first, no one noticed that I wasn’t drinking alcohol. Elderflower bubbly served in a champagne flute convinced most people I was one of them.
A few family and friends asked if I was still on the wagon— my confirmation received mixed results, including a plea for advice on how to quit and disapproval for not celebrating in the traditional way.
After the wedding ceremony, the drinking began in earnest. So did the peer pressure.
I steadfastly declined the offer of champagne, even though “I must as it was my daughter’s wedding”. I declined the offer of wine to go with the delicious food and I said no to a drop of divine Damson gin— homemade and guaranteed to blow your socks off.
Unmasking the Silent Storm
My refusal to drink resulted in an uncomfortable conversation.
At first, I found myself defending my decision not to drink. I couldn’t believe I was doing it and frankly, I was pissed off.
As the conversation moved along it took an unexpected turn and eventually, we got to the crux of the matter: Her concerns about her alcoholic brother who was constantly embarrassing the family, and a husband who was drinking too much daily.
She didn’t have a problem, but she just couldn’t imagine life without a decent glass of wine. Alas her actions said otherwise as at the end of the evening she was scouring the tables for a bottle of Damson gin, looking for one last snifter to finish off the evening.
It wasn’t an enjoyable experience but then peer pressure never is.
Knowing that people often have hidden motives for trying to make you drink doesn’t help.
So what can you do when the cult members demand you join them in a drink?
Here are a few suggestions to help you cope with social situations and stay sober.
Becoming A Sober Warrior
Firstly, it's important to understand that there are competing goals at play.
Their goal is to get you to drink, yours is to remain sober.
They are on the losing side. If they need you to drink it’s because they feel judged and inferior.
For many, it becomes like a personal mission to make you give in and drink.
If you do drink not only do they acquire a sense of smug satisfaction it also gives them the green light to consume as much as they like because you are officially back in the drinking cult.
Empowering Strategies
Repeat no without an explanation. Just say. “No, thank you I am fine.” Don’t engage further.
It’s human nature to want to expand and justify our decisions. Don’t. Choosing not to drink is your right and you don’t have to defend it.
Prepare an excuse.
Having a ready-made excuse will save you from having to think on the spot. You will feel more in control and more empowered.
Short simple excuses work well. Again don’t expand. When you expand the dialogue you are indicating your uncertainty and this gives them an opening to persuade you to drink.
Here are a few ready-made excuses that work.
- I’m the designated driver responsible for the safety of my party.
- I need to keep a clear head.
- I want a good night’s sleep.
- I don’t want a hangover.
Tell them you have a medical condition and you can’t drink — not technically a lie as drinking alcohol will induce a medical condition- it’s called a hangover.
Placate them by saying you will drink later. This response is reassuring as it indicates you haven’t completely abandoned the cult.
The Untold Lesson
Take the fight to them — ask them challenging questions like:
- Does my not drinking make you feel uncomfortable?
- Will it make you feel better if I drink?
- Why do you want me to drink?
Based on my experience most people when asked if my drinking makes them feel uncomfortable will say something like, “No, not at all.” they then disappear and don’t bother me again.
It was a little bit like how my dialogue ended at the wedding.
Although this little incident put a blot on the evening there is a bright side. I attended a beautiful loving event and my first major life event sober. I’m glad I was sober. Being an observer made me realise just how brainwashed we have become about drinking and how insidious alcohol is.
To any of you who are reading this and considering giving up or if you have tried and fallen off the wagon, I say this:
Jump. Jump wholeheartedly into sobriety because life on the other side of alcohol is far more beautiful than you ever imagined.