Straight Men's Support Always Comes with Strings
And those strings are attached to his penis
In the past, I've made relatively controversial statements about so-called platonic "friendships" between heterosexual men and women. I certainly will again; however, that's not exactly the topic I want to discuss today.
Instead, I want to discuss one of the best aspects of any friendship: support. Support is what gets us through everything from financial problems to break-ups and more. Nevertheless, when you are mingling with men who are potential suitors masquerading as friends, things get a tad trickier.
The Perception
You just met a great guy! He's intelligent, funny, generous, and can't wait to help you with everything you need. Initially, he wanted to date you, but you told him you weren't interested, so you've been great friends ever since.
Although he's not quite your type, you know he'll be a great catch for someone, and in the meantime, you are just enjoying his companionship and hope things never change.
The Reality
The kind, thoughtful friend of yours is just trying to woo you without declaring himself. If your interactions began with him expressing his romantic interest in you, that did not die when you denied him. Rather, he merely forced himself to table his feelings while convincing you that he's the perfect man for you.
Over time, it may appear that he's truly a genuinely great platonic friend who wants what's best for you. He may seem to be your best friend or even the most reliable person in your life. Nevertheless, if you don't decide to date him within a period that he finds reasonable, he will begin to resent you, and if he doesn't end the friendship at that point, he is likely to do so in one of the most hurtful ways possible.
Also, there are a few things that will likely trigger him to question his role in your life immediately. Some of the most notable instances are as follows:
- Dating: For instance, if you were single when you met him and suddenly started dating a new man, good luck calling him to help you with anything. He is likely to respond sarcastically, passive-aggressively, if he doesn't just ignore you altogether.
- Making Upgrades: On the other hand, elevating your life can also be a trigger as he may grow concerned that you will move on to bigger and better things and leave you behind. So, if you, say, start a business with the goal of being totally self-sufficient, don't be surprised if he's the last one to even acknowledge your newest venture.
- Sexy Makeovers: Lastly, if you give yourself a sexy makeover, watch the romantic pressure mount. He may have been able to be friendly with you sitting around in sweatpants, but throw on a red dress, some pumps, and some red lips for the first time in months/years and watch how triggered he becomes. He will likely start questioning you about your dating life while also trying to (literally) insert himself in it.
He gets horny when he hugs you; if you kiss him, he wants to grab you by your face and thrust his tongue down your throat; if you cuddle with him, he wants to f*** you. It's taken all the self-control he can muster to avoid forcing himself on you, and the only reason it's worth it is that he's hoping you change your mind and realize he's the best man you know.
I've discussed this before when I touched on why I don't date "nice guys."
Read more about that here:
Men can be supportive, but only if they think they'll benefit
Now, as mentioned in the above article, I'm not saying no man is capable of being supportive if you're not romantically involved. However, if you're a woman, I am encouraging you to take careful inventory of the people in your life and the roles they play.
A single or even taken heterosexual man who has already expressed interest in you does not want to be your bestie. He's simply waiting for the right time to catch you feeling especially vulnerable, to take things to the next level.
He will never be happy seeing you date other men; he will never be excited that you got a great job — which will mean you're less dependent on him; he will never want to see you dress up and go out without planning to come back home to him.
If you don't give him what he wants, which is you, he will stick around for a while, but he will leave you high and dry when you need him most, and he is also likely to berate you before making his exit. He'll tell you how you could've been so happy together and how he once thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world, but since the feelings weren't mutual, he's off to bigger and better things.
I found an interesting article on this topic. Read it here:
The bottom line
Yes, there are three sides to every story. There is also a lot to be said for women who settle for friendship as well. Nevertheless, I'm not here to address that. My one and only point is that men are great at faking friendships in order to get close to you. So, I'm not here to tell you never to befriend such men.
However, I am definitely here to advise you to refrain from depending on these types of men, especially if you have dated others while he was sitting around waiting for a chance. I would also advise you not to get too comfortable around these men; his house is not the ideal safe haven when you're trying to recover from a drunken night. This type of situation breeds lingering resentment, and make no mistake about it; when he finds the best time to kick you when you're down, he will take it with glee. Please don't ask me how I know…
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